Before you assume that this is the typical lecture about the difference between boys and men, allow me to put your mind at ease. Before you assume that this is about treating your lady right, buying her roses just because it’s Wednesday or running her a bubble bath and cooking a meal before she gets home from work, I will once again put your mind at ease. I’m not here to condemn you or make you feel like you’re any less of a man because we are all a work in progress and learning as we go. We will get into treating a lady as she should be treated but first I’d like to focus on identifying the barrier between men and women so that we as men can better understand the female species.
I know it’s hard sometimes to “understand” most women because they sometimes will say something to you which has an alternate meaning and get upset when it seems like you’re not listening. (I say “most” because there is always the rare exception). This, however, is in no way your fault. Women have the amazing ability to change their language without changing their words. This is what makes them so confusing to us. We speak two totally different languages. Men in America speak English. It’s what we know because it is what we were taught. We speak, read and listen in English. Women, on the other hand, speak English and a language of emotion. This is something that we as men have never learned or are in the process of learning through trial and MAJOR error.
My father once told me that “Men are led by intellect and women are led by emotion.” I never quite understood what that meant until I really started to pay attention to the women that I was dating throughout college. I am a very literal person, always have been. I believe this is due to my father also telling me to “say what you mean and mean what you say.” When I began to observe the women I dated and pondered on this truly revolutionary concept I began to realize exactly what my father was trying to tell me. Men are led by what we know because it’s all we’ve learned. Women are led by emotion because it’s innate, it’s genetically programmed in them. The upper hand that women have on men is that they learn the language of intellect at the same time as men, while men don’t even know that the language of emotion even exists. I’m here to tell you that it does indeed exist and that this is the barrier between men and women. The only way for that barrier to come down is for men to acknowledge that there is a language of emotion and eventually learn to understand it.
The key to learning this language is as simple as learning English, LISTEN! As babies we learned our language through listening and repeating. Mom would pick you up and say “Can you say momma?” and of course after a while when your brain has begun to develop you repeat after her and say “momma.” At the time you were just repeating the word but as you continued to listen you learned who momma was. A few months later you are able to form sentences and ask questions about things you don’t know or things that you desire. It is the same concept with the language of emotion. Why do you think that on the top of every girls list of qualities desired in a man is that she wants him to be a good listener? It’s not so that her words would be heard. Listening is comprised of two parts: hearing and comprehension. Unless you are literally deaf, if you have two ears then you can hear. Comprehension is the process of taking those words you’ve heard and transferring them to your brain for understanding. If you don’t understand, all you have to do is let her know. It’s ok to let your male pride down and admit that you don’t understand something and you need further explanation. A woman will appreciate the fact that you’re listening and trying to understand her. There is meaning behind everything she says and she wants you to learn her language so that you will potentially begin to understand her as a woman, not just another person.
When a woman entrusts you with her heart she is entrusting you with her emotions. These two things are intertwined and inseparable. If you can speak her language of emotion, you can
Speak to her heart.