Before we get started, allow me to tell you that you all are BEAUTIFUL! Without you, men would be nothing. You each possess such unique qualities that should be highlighted in presentation to the world. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for and should you choose a man to stand by your side, he should remind you of this each and every day. Now I’m going to drop a bomb that some of you may already know but most of you do not. Prepare yourself for this because this one simple thing can completely turn your love life upside down. Are you ready?
There is no such thing as “The One.” Get it out of your head.
I know that many of you believe that there is a perfect man out there that God Almighty Himself has created just for you before the world began but that is simply not true. There are over 7 billion people in the world, over 3 billion of which are men. In fact the ratio of men is about 1.01 to every 1.0 woman. This means that your choice in a man is greater than a man’s choice in you. So, you meet John Brown from across town and you guys start dating. The more you get to know each other the more you realize you have in common. You dislike the same foods, you both share a favorite movie, you even like the same music. As your relationship goes on, you begin to discuss the future: marriage, residence, how many children you want. Everything seems to be spot on with what you’ve always wanted. Your thought? “He’s the one.” Believe me when I say this, he is only “the one” because you said so.
Answer me this, how many times has your heart been broken? How many times have you broken a heart? How many times have you consoled a friend or family member after a bad breakup? This is all due to the simple thought that “the one” exists. In casual conversation I asked a female friend of mine if she believed in the idea that there is one person specifically designed for you and her answer was no. The example she presented to back up her answer, I believe was perfect. She began to explain how people are placed in our lives and we have the free will to choose who we want to be in a relationship with. She went on to explain how you can marry “the one,” but what happens if they pass away? Is that it? No chance of ever finding love again because you were cursed to lose the one person who was created for you? As I sat on this example for an hour or two, I began to think about the numerous amount of people I personally know that have gotten re-married. In the first marriage they see that person standing at the alter across from them as the perfect man or woman designed for them to spend the rest of their lives with. A few years into the marriage the man or woman wind up passing away. Of course there is a grieving period where all you can do is pick up the pieces of your broken life that you have built with your spouse. After a few years, you decide to get back into the dating world instead of spending the rest of your adult life depressed about the inevitable act of death. Another prince charming comes along and helps you pick up those pieces and begins to rebuild with you. Do you dismiss him with the thought that the one for you has passed on, therefor, you’ll never love again? Or are you just one of the lucky people to have 2 “the one’s?” One of the most popular reasons to get married (and I say that because there are many reasons people get married nowadays) is because you are madly in love with this person whom you can not picture your life without. This is a great reason to get married, however, one day that person may no longer be there. Its a sad reality to face but more often then not, after a while you would be surprised how strong you can be as you move on with your life.
I tell you this for two very important reasons. The first reason I give you this golden nugget of knowledge is so that you do not settle for the first man who blows your hair back. Take your time getting to know people before you hop into a relationship. Make him work for it! Believe it or not a GOOD man will respect you all the more for not getting so serious so fast. I cannot speak for all men, but as a man I appreciate things a lot more when I earn them than when they are just given to me. Your heart is such precious cargo that should be given sparingly as a man works for it. Understanding that he is not “the one” nor does he view you as such, should make you appreciate your relationship together that much more. He was not chosen for you by some force of nature, it is YOU who has the power to make that choice. In the same sense he chooses you as well. He could have searched the world for another woman if he wanted to, however, he chose you. If you can understand that and you can appreciate that, your relationship with this special man will go far.
If it doesn’t, which brings me to my second reason, MOVE ON! I hate to be so direct but there is no other way to put it. He is 1 OUT OF 3 BILLION MEN! He is not the last man on Earth and I can almost guarantee you that he will not be the last man to show interest in you. I will say it again, you are beautiful and worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Does it hurt when you break up with someone you love? Of course it does. It’s a crushing pain sometimes and the life that you’ve grown accustom to now will have to go under construction to be rebuilt almost from scratch. There comes a time, however, that you need to make a choice to pick up the pieces and keep it moving instead of standing there looking at them and feeling sorry for yourself.
There is a quote that I’ll end this letter with that I heard about a month ago that was said by a man named Andre Sinclair:
“Know that you can always walk away from somebody but without forgiveness you cannot walk away from the pain.
Don’t allow your heart to be somewhere your presence isn’t…
Free yourself today.”