Wrestling with Jealousy: The Simone Biles Effect and My Journey to Self-Acceptance
“I hate Simone Biles.”
It’s a harsh statement, and one that caught me off guard during my morning pages, a practice of writing out my unfiltered thoughts each day. But beneath this visceral reaction lies a complex web of emotions — jealousy, self-doubt, and a deep desire for achievement. Despite my years of meditation and self-reflection, I still find myself comparing my progress to hers and others, feeling I should be further along. This raw honesty led me to an important realization: the journey to self-acceptance is ongoing and filled with unexpected challenges.
Self-Discovery and Embracing Emotions:
Why does Simone Biles trigger such a strong reaction in me? It’s a question I explored deeply, and the answer is rooted in jealousy. I admire her excellence, her championship titles, and the joy she exudes. Yet, there’s a part of me that feels I should be achieving similar greatness and showing more of my inner happiness. This acknowledgment was both uncomfortable and enlightening. It reminded me that emotions like jealousy are often mirrors, reflecting our deepest desires and insecurities.
Despite having dedicated so much time to meditation, self-reflection, and solitude, I still find myself comparing my journey to others’. It’s easy to think I should be further along, given the inner work I’ve done. But this is a common trap — measuring our progress against external standards or the achievements of others.
The Importance of Support and Independence:
As I continued writing, I realized that my journey is not one I have to walk alone. The greatest athletes and achievers have strong support systems, yet I often find myself pushing help away. It’s a classic struggle — wanting to be self-sufficient while also craving connection and support.
Balancing independence and support is key. It’s about knowing when to ask for help and when to stand on your own. This realization has led me to reconsider how I engage with those around me, including my family and friends. What can I offer them, and what can I receive in return? It’s an ongoing process of give and take.
Attention to Detail and Finding Universal Truths:
Another insight from my morning pages was the importance of detail. I’ve often been bold in my actions and ideas, but sometimes, I overlook the finer points. Attention to detail isn’t just about perfection; it’s about understanding the broader picture through the little things. This includes seeking universal truths and finding meaning in everyday experiences.
Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and Rick Rubin’s The Creative Act have been guiding influences. The Artist’s Way champions Morning Pages which I used in my 30-day transformation with Chatgpt and The Creative Act blends Taoist and Vipassana principles that resonate with my own spiritual practices. It’s about finding clarity and purpose in every action, no matter how small.
Balancing Aspirations and Resistance:
One of the most challenging aspects of my journey has been balancing my aspirations with internal resistance. I’ve always admired people who dedicate their lives to a single pursuit, like studying a bumblebee. This singular focus fascinates me, yet I find myself resisting similar commitments. The key, I’ve realized, is to embrace the things we want to do, even if they scare us or seem daunting.
It’s about acknowledging the things we resist and understanding that they might hold the key to our growth. This resistance is often a sign of something important, something worth pursuing.
Where to go from here?!
Through my morning pages, I’ve discovered that this journey is about more than just self-improvement. It’s about embracing every part of myself — the good, the bad, and the uncertain. It’s about seeking clarity and purpose, not just for myself but in how I connect with others.
The realization that my extensive meditation and introspection haven’t eliminated my comparisons or insecurities is a humbling one. It reminds me that growth is not always linear or as fast as we might like. But it’s crucial to honor our unique paths and recognize that everyone’s journey is different.
I encourage you to take time for your own self-reflection, whether through morning pages or another method.
What emotions have been surfacing for you?
What support systems do you need or want to build?
How can you pay more attention to the details in your life?
And most importantly,
what are you resisting that might actually be the path to your greatest growth?
Let’s embrace this journey together, finding purpose and clarity in the process.
Your thoughts and experiences are valuable —
share them, explore them, and use them to shape your path forward.
