Adapting to the new normality


How to live while we have to cope with shock and adjust to a different reality? The most honest answer that there is no common way for all of us. We all have different stories, we all cope with pain and grief differently.

When your world stops

The mornings shortly after were the hardest. It’s like you function in a maintenance mode or less. How many times did I wish someone can switch me off and turn back on when it’s over?

What should you do when the urge for life clashes with its hardship? It’s like having an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

One tells you there is still so much to live for, and the other makes you doubt it. Does it make any sense to dwell in this world full of chaos, depression and just general craziness going on every day?

When you decide to continue living

It might seem unimaginable, but the pain you feel right after will eventually weaken. I doubt it will ever completely disappear, but I know it can become slightly more bearable. I started a new job, began interacting with my friends again, started learning a new language, started writing.

When you allow yourself to live

There is no point to pretend this will be easy in any way possible.

There will be days when you’ll replace crying with laughter. And you should not feel guilty about it at all.

Nostalgia will be your companion. In the beginning, she’ll be there on a regular basis. Later, she’ll become more of an occasional visitor. She’ll bring not only those painful, but also those beautiful memories. I can’t stress enough how important it is not to dwell in the past though, no matter how difficult it is, you must try.

Remove ‘what if or maybe’ from your dictionary.

I had a lot of sleepless nights, thinking, what if I would never travel at the moment it happened, what if I would have had a chance to prevent it? And then I started asking myself, what if it would happen anyway? I will never know. And it’s not because of lack of love, interest, being there for each other.

Get ready to accept the fact you might never find out why it happened.

There was no note left. I was spending my time with a person who was smiling and was full of life all the time we were together. I was the sleepless one for many nights. The person next to me was having the deepest and the calmest sleep. Maybe I didn’t ask enough. I don’t know. But slowly, I’m learning to live with a fact there is a strong chance I’ll never figure out why.

But despite of what happened…

Mine and your days, too, will slowly start getting better. It’s not easy to adapt to this new life without people we lost. But I don’t think that they would want us to throw our lives away. What you can do is to talk about it, to raise awareness, to share your experience and help those who went through the same one. Remember, not all is lost, and that there is still exciting life waiting for your somewhere, out there.

Written by

Hi! I’m Ada. Product Owner by Day. Hiker, Dog Owner, Cooking & HTML/CSS enthusiast. Topics covered: mental health & digital consumption. Exploring more …

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