Why Men Are Toxic Towards Women
By ADAM SIMONINI
Below I discuss the unfortunately common — especially on the internet — toxic attitude many men have towards the opposite sex. I begin with general statements about human psychology. I then define what I mean by “toxic attitude”. In the end I suggest that this toxic attitude disservices men and perpetuates itself.
Strong & Irrational Emotions
I believe that people in general can have quite strong feelings towards systems (e.g., the political system, how a company hires employees, a company’s promotional system, and so on). Furthermore, these feelings are often not weighted rationally, and can often times take on a life of their own. Finally, these feelings towards systems can be toxic and at times make the situation worse — they can, for example, lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The System & The Backlash
Assume the following as I do: we have a very important system (i.e., women’s selection of men) wherein the selection committee is not entirely sure what it wants at any given time, what it wants changes over time, and frequently it will desire nearly conflicting traits. Men seem to be disillusioned by what they consider to be unfair, irrational treatment by this selection committee (i.e., women). Double standards aside (for that is a topic worthy of a separate article), this disillusionment often results in distrust and resentment. Men — quite like the human population in general — when faced with hardship, injustice, or paradox; do not rise to the challenge, persevering in order to gain a more complete, fair, and functional understanding of the challenge. Instead, quite in line with the human population in general, most men simply crumble into a confused and resentful mess. Instead of challenging their default paradigm by accepting that life is unfair in both advantageous and disadvantageous ways; many men instead resort to name-calling, shaming, objectifying, and other narrow-minded practices in order to protect their egos from a very real and devastating reality: they won’t be selected for until great changes are made.
On Why It’s Irrational
Is the above system fundamentally less “fair” than many other systems in life? My answer is “No, not at all!” Many aspects of my lived life are what they are irrespective of how I feel about it. Moreover, “fairness” has nothing to do with the setup of many systems. Today’s weather, the physical laws of the universe, and the genetic code within me were all determined without my consent, and to inquire about the fairness of these systems can seem, to various degrees, absurd. Furthermore, all of the aforementioned systems can be quite cruel. It can rain when I don’t have an umbrella. Gravitational energy will be converted into kinetic energy if I fall out of the window on the 6th floor. My genes will express themselves in unfavourable and eventually fatal ways as I age. My question to you: “What is it that makes some of these systems not only tolerable, but completely acceptable, while other systems are worthy of deep-seated loathing and resent?”
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Men fail to realize that their negative attitudes towards how women select for men displays to the world their inability to overcome adversity through inner-strength. It displays a lack of humour, an overly sensitive ego, a deep insecurity, and a lack of self-belief. As men we owe it to ourselves to uncover why we are so destructively reactive to some uncomfortable realities in life, and not others. Any individual who fails to do so sabotages himself. Until a man self-reflectively comes to terms with his own toxicity, he perpetuates a cycle of unattractive behaviour that only serves to further alienate him from the opposite sex, resulting in increased toxicity. A perpetual cycle ensues.
