“Today class…we are going to find my car keys!” — Greetings to my Medium classroom! I am Mr. Robinson. History extraordinaire and Under 15s Mexican Air Guitar Champion — 1967. Today we’re going to learn about a time when Apple didn’t make everything and China did instead. We’re all going to learn about a very important historical person today, as…

Some magical clerical work would be greatly appreciated! — Dear Hogwarts Human Resources Department, I hate to come across rude…but…where the hell’s my letter people?! As soon as I became aware of Hogwarts’ existence all I wanted to do was be a wand wielding wizard learning magic tricks from a dude with a grey beard and a drug problem. …

“To my darling…what was your name again?” — I was in my garage doing some spring cleaning on a dank and stormy day. I had my denim skirt on so I didn’t get my smart jeans dirty. Suddenly, to my surprise…a huge box full of old love letters spilled onto the floor! Instantly I began skipping down memory…

You’ve broken your funny bone! That’s why I didn’t get your joke… — “Doctor, help! I’ve got a branch stuck up my arse” “I can’t remember my training, but I’ll stick my finger up there and see if that TWIGS my memory” The Doctor Funny emergency room is no place for the fainthearted. That’s for an actual hospital. I have decided to give…

Vlad is a bad bad lad! — It’s all a bit awkward right now with Russians and our energy bills. I’m freezing my beautiful boobs off almost every day at the moment as I live with the guilt of putting the heating on. I want to be snug and warm on an evening but instead, I have…

I have no medicine, but I heard this joke in the pub you might like… — Ever since I was a young boy my mother would always say two things to me: “You should be a Doctor specialising in funny stuff.” “Where the f*ck is my wine?” As a child I stole a lot of her wine. But this got me thinking… Maybe a career in…

More hyped than a child on a sugar rush going to Disneyland — If you’re a fan of the old Rock n Roll music, Marvel, or lead singers who sound like they need to clear their throats — then I’m sure you’ve heard AC/DC’s mega track that is…Back In Black. With the guitar solos that go together with the rebellious vocals, this tune…

I shall drink this whole case of beer and make my dignity disappear! — Harry Potter. Fireworks. Not wearing pants in a Zoom meeting. No, this isn’t my itinerary for a Thursday night. These are magical things life has to offer. Magic is like long division. It can be done but it’s confusing as hell. So, have you entered 2023 and thought to yourself… …

‘Tis the season for erotica…and mince pies! — A merry Medium Christmas to all my bots…I mean followers ❤ As it is the birthday of Jesus and that woman who got pregnant under suspicious circumstances — I have decided we could all do with a bit of festive erotica as Santa empties his sack all over us. Have…