Regular Awful White Lady for President

I was with Hillary Clinton all through the ’90s and up to 2008. The people who were targeting her were my enemies too. I appreciated her stoic, fuck-you attitude. I related to it. When she announced her candidacy for president, I assumed she would win, and I was good with that. (At first, you weren’t going to get me to throw away my vote on a black nominee. I already did that for Jesse.)

Then she started losing.

I don’t think that even her staunchest supporters will deny that Hillary Clinton really wants to be president. Honestly, I did not realize how much. And so when she started race baiting I couldn’t believe it. If you are a grown person then you were there too, so you either remember what I’m talking about, or you put it out of your mind, or you missed it entirely. Either way, I’ve got nothing to add here.

At some point, she crossed the line into Unforgiveable. I was watching MSNBC and they showed her say something and I was like, “Yeah — you’re dead to me.” And I have to assume that she factored that reaction in. Either she’s not as smart as they say or, more likely, she did the math and figured she had a better shot at being elected president in 2008 if she alienated people like me and won over the hard-working Americans. And by “hard-working Americans” I of course mean white Americans.

So a year or so ago she announces she’s going for it again. And I’m assuming she has factored that in, too — she’s going to figure out how to win without my vote. Because I am not a hamster, I can remember 8 years ago. And even now, when she courts us, she insults us. Dominoes? Hot sauce? Really? So I backed Bernie. But somehow she got Bernie out of the picture, and now the only actual choices are her and Nazi McGrabbypants. Fuck me.

I’ll do it. I’m not gonna do it early, but on Election Day I am going to vote for Regular Awful White Lady and then I’m going to be really gentle with myself the whole rest of the day. Because if Rapey McHitler is elected president, I’m going to want to be able to say that I voted against him.

But stop trying to make me like her, Hillary people. You can superimpose a personality on that as much as you want, but leave me out of it. She is a professional; I’m almost positive she doesn’t care whether I like her or not. And, much like those of you who are taking note of who in your circle supports Hatey McTinyhands, I am taking note of who sweetly asks me to overlook Clinton’s casual contempt for black people, as they have.

I am protecting myself. I’m pretty sure I know what I have to look forward to. And I’m spoiled. On an essential level — one you might take for granted — these last 8 years are all I’m ever going to get, ever. Soon it will go back to regular, or worse, and it will be regular (or worse) until I die. Obama backlash will definitely outlive me. I knew that going in. For fuck’s sake, we are still in Civil War backlash. I’m amazed that I ever got any years at all. And I’ll always be grateful for them. I am making the most of them.

Every time President Clinton enacts a policy that disproportionately harms black people, then apologizes for it with a photo op where she drinks a 40, I will look at pictures of Obama holding babies and I will forget about her. I understand that some Poles, when they refer to “the Pope”, still mean JPII. I might do that. I have enjoyed referring to the President as “the President”, and it may well be that if I mean someone else I will have to specify, for the rest of my life.

But I’ll do what I have to do next week on Election Day. It’s Regular Awful White Lady vs. Maybe Hitler. That motherfucker wants to round people up.