How I Found My Life Purpose
Worth your time
This book is my story of how I discovered my true life purpose and passion all in one along with further plans, thoughts, stories, dreams I intend to achieve along the way. I’m almost 20 and I am still young enough to figure out what I wanna do on the side lines of my my main career (studying, finishing office admin, general certificate). Sometimes it takes some people longer than others to discover their true purpose in life. But don’t beat yourself up if you still haven’t found yours. Just try new things, sports, games, hobbies like creative writing, reading, playing board games, outdoor hobbies like fishing, hunting, etc. You will be amazed at what you learn and gain from these experiences. No one is perfect at everything and there’s absolutely nothing wrong or bad about that.
You’ll learn my story of how I came to discover more than just my true passion but my perfectly chosen career!
Where it all started:
It was a day with my younger sister, Emily and her friend, Ally hanging in our parents house and they had decided to help me create my own Tumblr account. And so they helped me with my username, blog name, bio and the colour of the blog. We ended up picking the username “Laura1646" which wasn’t a bad one for starters. Though we know at the moment still that once we create it, we can’t change it, only the blog name, bio, blog colour and edit the posts… After it was created, I had only posted and logged onto my Tumblr account a few times then after that, I completely forgot about it.
The Unbelievable Thing Happenned
September 2014, I had remembered my log in info for my Tumblr blog (Laura1646) and not long after I had started posting inspiring posts with it. Later after that, I started gaining more followers and received messages, likes & reblogs. Here are some that I can remember:
– your blog is inspirational & relatable
– your blog is uplifting and encouraging
– I agree with the way you interpret things & believe it’s beautiful!
And these comments, reblogs and likes really meant a great deal to me. It really made me feel so amazing inside and then believed and knew myself that that was a huge part of my life purpose (which I’ve had now for about 6 years now) and my true passion. And also that I wanted to pursue that as my career for the rest of my life. It makes me happy, I’m confident being that person that I makes me, I’m proud of what I do with my passion, I’m good at it and the comments and the followers are my proof!
There’s one quote that I really believe:
“If I can’t be who I want to be & do what I wanna do, then I’m not gonna be happy!” – Justin Bieber
My Next Step:
Many people have tried convincing me not to for “they’re only jealous of your highs, so they can knock you down.” Quoted by Selena Gomez in “Rise” from her newest album: Revival! And yes I did give in to their comments. But it took years to know the best way to handle, reply to those kind of situations. It wasn’t until after I had recovered from my mental health condition: depression and finally achieved self love (loving myself for the first time) that I was more and easily able to not let what others say and think of me and overall everything in my life dictate what direction I follow. I’ve learned so much from both my depressive episodes and my recovery which has been great use to me with many things I plan to do starting this year and also with small things throughout those months.
Inspiration! Inspired, inspire! Some of you may recognize me from other social media sites; who know that I’m talented in this area in particular. Especially when I want my words to be and overall myself too! I know I’m good at it too. Also have all those comments, likes, and reblogs from my ex-blog: Laura1646 (that isn’t active anymore), as proof! Inspiring people through that blog on Tumblr really made me feel happiest, confident, proud and a lot of great and amazing feelings. And that is all that I need to know with whether I should pursue it! I’m passionate about it, I’m good at it, it makes me happy, I’m confident, proud of it all and it makes me someone who I want to be and not ashamed to be. Like Justin Bieber said: “If I can’t be who I want to be & do what I wanna do, then I’m not gonna be happy!” It’s true, when people especially my own family are against the whole idea and on top of that, they don’t bother asking for a sample of my inspiration and even don’t want me to be that person that I truly want to be & be creative; I’m not happy. But with that said, I believe now that I need to focus most on what I’m passionate about, what I want, what I believe in, what I value, what’s important to me, what makes me feel those emotions and things that I’ve listed above, and continue using my passion and life purpose. and I will eventually be able to use them in bigger and bolder ways like going global not just online but IRL! This is what’s right and best for me. The opposite of this, doesn’t make me happy nor any of those other emotions. Therefore it wouldn’t be the best nor right thing for me. Because then I wouldn’t be satisfied with my life, with myself and anything else overall all reality. I don’t want that!
When do you stop being able to think creatively? When do you get your hands tied? Well I don’t want that to happen to me nor anyone else that believes in creativity and wants nothing else but to live their own creative life of their own! Even when someone tells you not to do something, you do it anyway. Girl Meets New Teacher (episode of Girl Meets World is a great example of that. And also Girl Meets Creativity episode too for the creativity part! I believe in creativity and the creative arts, and I don’t want it to end or to be taken away from us. I’m not willing to give anything that I believe in, value, and anything else up. Even when times get hard, knowing the right/wrong answer, you gotta stick to what you believe in and you want for yourself and let it flow how you want, creatively! In conclusion, I know what I want, and I’m willing to take whatever risks I have to, to make my life purpose, dreams, and passion become part of my life and also part of all reality too!
This problem was created with one way of thinking but now I’ve decided that I’m gonna continue thinking differently, creatively to fix it! Three quotes relate to this one!
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Einstein
“I get things are bad. But what are we doing to fix it?” – Cassie Newton (Tomorrowland)
“Creativity feeds science and science feeds creativity. That’s what your missing. Because your not thinking creatively.” – Farkle (Girl Meets World)
My Life Purpose
Now that I’ve shared my back story of how I came to discover my passion, it’s time to share my story of how I came to find my life purpose.
It all started near the last 2 months of grade 8 where I was given a new assignment for geography where I had to pick a country and research all about it: baby boomers, population, and everything else. I went through the list but didn’t find one in particular that really got me excited about learning. But then I thought about the earthquake in Haiti. I started to think about wanting to research Haiti for my geography project and so I asked my teacher and she accepted my request to research Haiti. And so I did, I researched everything, put it into a scrapbook, and earned an “A” as my grade on my project. And before, during and after, I had thoughts about wanting to do something about the tragedy. Wanting to change the world, make a difference. And not long while thinking about it all, I had discovered my true life purpose. Knowing and even achieving positive things to create more positive change in the world for the better is what makes me happy, confident and proud! And I honestly can’t be any happier, and proud for all I had been through to get to not only discovering my life purpose but my passion too.
One quote by Ghandi that I really like that relates to my whole story here:
“Be the change you want to see in the world”
I honestly do believe that I want to be that change I want to see in the world. It has been quite a long journey for me to get to where I am now. But through it all and all it taught me, I’m grateful for it all!
My Life Plan
At this point now, I do believe that I need to start working on bigger projects to improve my passion even more and stronger to also help me be more noticeable in the virtual world and the real world entirely! I want to be noticed in bigger ways and to make that happen, I need to create bigger, more inspiring, upliftng, encouraging, confident & powerful things with my life purpose and passion. Inspiring people is one part of my life purpose that I know I’m super great at and am passionate about, so I believe that it’s my time to make it bigger!
My Life Goal
Watching season 3 of “The Fosters” seeing Sophie with personality disorder, Rita’s ex-husband suffered from depression and Anna suffering from possibly post-partum depression; is proof enough of how mental illness is everywhere now.
“It’s not okay to be unhappy.” – Principal Monte
What am I passionate about? You all know that! Inspiring people. It’s what I was meant to achieve as my life purpose, passion and profession for my life! I’ve never really felt the feelings that it makes me when I get the flow and adrenaline while being inspired and resulting with many inspiring and unbelievably awesome and powerful thoughts and overall messages! It makes me most confident, proud, happiest, beautiful human being that I’ve never felt ever in my entire life so far!
The Fosters
“Every kid says mean things to their parents. You can’t be afraid to speak up, we all mess up even. I get it, we’re all the same. Every foster kid think we’re not allowed to say what we need or to stand up for ourselves. But we have to.” – Callie
“We foster kids have no control of our own lives and it’s our time to speak up and we start calling people out by name. That is the only way that things will change. And we cannot be afraid. And that is why I’m telling my story and I really hope that you’ll tell yours.” – Callie
“You can’t be afraid to speak up.” – Callie
(3 min 15 sec left) “Daughters”
After watching this episode of “The Fosters” has really got me realizing how truly inspiring Callie really is. Especially in this episode and the episode before. Everything Callie said in the last 3 minutes of the episode I honestly and truthfully agree and believe 100%. Thinking about it further in more dept for myself, I believe that this is part of what and why I want to continue achieving. my life purpose and passion: inspiring others.
It’s what makes me more confident, happy, proud and beautiful than I’ve ever felt my entire life. I want to do this because I know what it’s like with many things in life we all go through, and I want to be one of those people where people say “because of you, I didn’t give up.” I want to be one of those people. Hearing that would just make me proud, happy for achieving that point with my life purpose and passion! Overall that is what I want to pursue with my life. It’s the only thing that I’ve ever wanted that has ever made me this confident, proud, happy and beautiful than ever! This is all that I’ve ever wanted for myself and my life!
Before I end this, I would like to also add that another part of my life purpose and passion is helping in everything in the area of mental health. I know what it’s like in that field of life. Being depressed, I know; because I’ve been there myself enough to know what kind of effects it has on our lives. Suffering from depression, and achieving my recovery, has given me so much more than I ever knew or believed. I also believe that I’m one of those people who think “I’m glad I was depressed, because it brought me to a better life, and helped me not only discover (recreate myself) who I truly wanted to be but also find my true purpose. That I want to pursue for my life profession and achieving all that I’ve shared here would make me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Life Profession Plans = True Passion
I really do admire Bekah Miles and Meghan for not only their videos but taking the courage and everything else along with it to share their story without letting anything stopping them like being judged, etc. I look up to Bekah Miles as an inspiration and someone who I really admire for the steps she took to share with the world what she had been through mentally. It’s so great to have people out there in the world like these two, to not only relate to but look up to for inspiration, help, quidance, and everything else. Especially celebrities like Demi Lovato as one of those who I really admire and love all that she is and has done in the world with her talents, power, and everything else she has to get her where she is now in her life.
I’m so truly grateful to have these people in my life also Tracey Bazso too who I go to for support, help, guidance, inspiration and everything else I’ve gone to them for help. Having role models is such an important role and the kind of people the world needs more of and with all that I’ve gone through, I want to be one too; a role model, an inspiration. Where someone can say “because of you, I didn’t give up!” I want that.
Do you have any ideas with turning this goal and passion into a career? Any careers that would suit and offer this kind of thing in a job. This is what I’m passionate about, I’ve inspired others with my old blog on Tumblr (Laura1646) which was active one year in high school till the end of April last year for a personal reason that I honestly wish I could’ve worked it out to let me keep it. And when I was inspiring others, I received messages with questions from fans on things that wanted answers to, and comments they gave me on my blog:
- my blog is inspirational and relatable
- - my blog is uplifting and encouraging
- - they agree with the way I interpret things and believe that it’s beautiful
- And in fact with all those comments that I just listed, I totally agree with 110%. Anyway, getting these messages, made me realize that was: what I was good at, passionate about, and it also made me happy helping people in that pariticular way. Thinking I can share this idea with one of those mental health places on the phone but prefer in person, and see what options they have for me.
Ideas:
Each girl is who they want to be as a girl themselves. And we don’t need anyone out there to take that away from us in the world ever. What we need is more role models out there to continue inspiring each one of us girls to embrace the girl that we are most confident, beautiful and proud to be. And many other great inspirational quotes out there that have already inspired better change for the world.
But we can’t stop no matter what, we need to continue changing the world and the way society with views many things all part of the world. We all matter, all boys and guys too. Let’s go out there and inspire the right, creative and inspiring things to “create” a better world for the better! That’s what the world needs. We need to save the world and the future from all the bad things and issues out there and never stop!
Why am I mentioning this when talking about my passion? Well, it’s a way of inspiring and creating the right kind of change, and I’m not only a huge fan of all that, but plan and intend to be one of those people who makes a difference in many areas in the world. Society, governments, over-populated countries, famine, starvation, obesity, and the list goes on. Overall this idea and plan, I’m one of those people who is so passionate about making a difference in my own creative, fun, inspiring and beautiful ways! I want to empower change by inspiring it, not demanding it.
“You don’t demand change, you inspire it!” – Lying To Be Perfect
I’m a big fan of doing something about issues around the world. Like Tomorrowland quoted:
“I get things are bad. But what are we doing to fix it?”
And so I see so many issues that need more awareness and change, I intend to do something with each one of them. Obesity and starvation, I’m gonna research all the facts about them (for example) and then plan how exactly and what I’m gonna do to fix it. That’s what I’m a fan of, and very passionate and serious about in all reality!
David Nix: Have you ever wondered what would happen if all the geniuses, the artists, the scientists, the smartest, most creative people in the world, decided to actually change it?
And so I see so many issues that need more awareness and change, I intend to do something with each one of them. Obesity and starvation, I’m gonna research all the facts about them (for example) and then plan how exactly and what I’m gonna do to fix it. That’s what I’m a fan of, and very passionate and serious about in all reality!
Links For Bekah Miles, Meghan Eleanor Clark & Stigma Fighters
Defining Myself
If you do something really bad and you seem to dwell too much on it. I think the best thing to do is not let it define who you are as a person. You are not defined by any mistakes or decisions you’ve made in your life, it’s time to start a new chapter in your life; its called: A Fresh Start
What Really Matters
Money is the only thing that does a greater good for the world. It’s the words and actions that are more important and special than anything in the world. Money is important but shouldn’t be used to please someone in any way to like you as who you are for the fears of not being liked back. If they don’t like you for who you are, then think that there is someone better out there that is perfect and better for you.
Don’t be hard on yourself. You deserve someone who not only accepts you for who you are but loves you too!
One day I remember watching the commercial for Special K where they inspire the audience to stop hating parts of our bodies. And instead inspire them to change the way we look at ourselves. After that, I stopped being in the habit of wearing what others would approve of without showing anything that’d hate or dislike about my appearance overall myself. And I started only thinking about what I feel comfortable and confident with for I have finally achieve self love; loving myself for the first time. And after I started loving myself for the first time and I was then more easily able to not let what others say or think about me anymore. Not let what others say, dictate how I choose to live my life.
Pressure
We all do stupid, reckless mistakes in our lives, no one is perfect. And part of life is making mistakes and being able to learn from them. But not only that, but let it make you stronger and wiser for the future! Don’t be ashamed of what you did wrong in your past life, it’s a new chapter, don’t dwell on them, and focus on the better, positive and happy parts of life.
Do whatever you need for yourself to let go of this perfection habit. Because no one is perfect, life and the world overall aren’t perfect and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s actually a good thing entirely. Don’t be ashamed of what you did in your past life because it may have made you look like a fool or whatever label, but also it made you stronger, wiser and able to think better, healthier, and wiser to start creating the life that you rightfully and truthfully deserve.
We all deserve the life that we want without anyone dragging us down, or discouraging or holding us back from all we’ve ever wanted in our lives: passion, life purpose, true happiness, a life profession in whatever we feel is best with what we are passionate, happy, confident and proud to achieve for the rest of our lives.
My Short Version Of My Mental Health Story
My diagnosis is ADHD, depression and anxiety disorder. I have suffered with depression for 5 years and my anxiety for 1–2 years. I have fully recovered from my depression and have slowly, even without realizing it, found ways to cope with anxiety. And lastly, my ADHD, I’ve realized I have to cope with it for the rest of my life. I take Concerta medication from my doctor to help me cope/manage my ADHD symptoms.
I did a year of college, studying Office Administration. I suffered with my depression in that year in college, just barely made it through the year alive. Right now I am just taking time to work and do research and figure out what I want to do. I have thought about being a counsellor, teacher, or anything that involves helping those with mental health problems, where I can inspire others in tough situations, and such. I may be going back to Conestoga college to take one of the courses I failed online and the other at a different college maybe Sheridan that’s closer to home. But I’m more set on going to college for mental health counsellor or teacher. But need to do more research on both.
Some of my passions are:
Listening to music: At times when I’m feeling anxious, music helps me ease my thoughts on the situation and when I feel ready to react properly to the situation, I feel more confident and more aware of what I should feel and think in the situation.
Inspiring others: I’m passionate about inspiring others with all that I’ve gained knowledge my experiences. I’ve inspired people with my first blog (Tumblr) and have helped people in tough times, (including those who suffer with mental illnesses: able to relate from personal experience; which I intend to help them through those hard yet unbearable times with mental health), and advice. Now currently have a new blog on Tumblr (hopelessromanticbelieber: Laura’s Blog) where I still inspire others. Used to have a blog called Laura1646 on tumblr that was active for a few years till it was deleted for a personal reason April 29th 2015. Have more in dept detail of both bogs in my story on medium in link at the bottom.
Being creative: finding new ways from thinking differently/creatively in everything I possibly can when I set my mind to something. Those things that I want, I make sure it’s inspiring (positive), beautiful, encouraging, uplifting, happy and creative.
Being optimistic: I’ve come to realize from the things that I do and believe in (excluding the negative, bad and unsuccessful things), that I never give up, always find a way to make it work. Thinking of the movie: Tomorrowland with Britt Robertson and George Clooney which I felt I could relate to a lot for I believed that nothing is impossible (quoting: Cloud 9) and I don’t give up just like a few of these characters in the movie. I love how I’m so optimistic and I can’t wait to share my talent to inspire, creative mind and optimism with the world to show what I can do and what I’m capable of when I set my mind to the things that matter the world to me: aka my dreams and my life purpose!
Now that I’ve finished recovering from my depression, I realize now that I feel like I can fully embrace the person that I’ve been hiding even before the depression. Knowing the right things and not letting anyone or anything hold me back. Being confident, loving myself for the first time and others too that I feel I have accomplished with my recovery. But now that I’ve accomplished my recovery, I have so many plans I want to do with my life (as for I made it out alive from my depression) and also the fact that I feel more myself than I’ve ever felt in the 19, almost 20 years of my life. And lastly, I am proud to say that I’m truly ever so proud for all that I have accomplished with my recovery and all it gave me in return. I may have suffered from life-threatening illnesses but I am here alive and mentally healthy and happy which I will never take for granted for any reason at all. Near the end of my recovery, I actually started to really and honestly feel that love within myself; loving myself for the very first time. It feels so amazing, I never thought it would feel Iike this.
To someone just diagnosed with a mental health condition: I would talk to them about their struggles with their mental illness(s) to help them slowly open up about them and find ways to help them get through it alive and mentally too. Tell them the things anyone who cares: that they matter, they are important, worthy, special, beautiful, amazing, and that they don’t have to go through it alone, as for many others are suffering from mental illnesses just like them which hoping will make them understand that they aren’t alone with their mental illness.
Creative Arts
Dance With Ur Heart
It was probably sometime from watching fascinating dance routines in my fave music videos of my fave artists that got me thinking about the idea of creating my own someday. I just wasn’t sure of where to start. I didn’t have all my facts as to what kind of message I wanted to get out of my dance routines.
Later on in the dreaming process it became more clear to me of what I wanted to inspire with my dance routines. With all the kinds of things that I believe in and the organizations, charities and celebrities that I look up to helped me realise my own potential and what kinds of dances that would give a particular message to the world. That I wanted to inspire using my own experiences in many areas of life that we all come accross and struggle at times.
But another part of me wasn’t quite sure of who she was exactly. So after her depressive episode in college, and when she finally regained her true self back in her recovery, she began recreating herself by replacing the bad/negative, and unhealthy qualities with positive, happy and healthy ones along with gaining a better sense of her life purpose and other personal passions of hers as she had previously gained in the previous 2 – 3 years of her past life.
I was waiting for so long. For a miracle to come. Everyone told me to be strong. Hold on and don’t shed a tear. – Celine Dion, A New Day Has Come
She also believed that in her recovery was where she would create a new chapter of her life. Where not only she’d recreate herself, but became mentally healthy again and have enough potential to achieve all the things she had previously believed in over the years.
“So through darkness and good times. I knew I’d make it through. And the world thought I had it all. But I was waiting for you.” – Celine Dion
The creative arts have been something that I’ve been good at even before I came to realise, and for that, it has come to me after attending the “Colour Fest” in Hamilton August 20th, 2016 that brought up the idea of creating my own art. Art is a way to express yourself in creative ways without judgments, rules, or limitations. That’s one of the great things that I love about the creative arts. About being creative with ideas, with expressing myself creatively, being overall creative in unimaginable ways that the world may not have imagined nor believed was possible.
I can’t imagine myself not expressing myself in a creative way through art. It’s fun, it helps solve problems way better through inspiration instead of demand and most importantly, it let’s me be me.
“Expect the unexpected” – one quote that I like to think about throughout many times in my life and still continue to today.
When a child has been through something horrible in their past, it’s important that they heal from that. And art plays a big role for us.
I think that art can bring out a lot of emotion. So you can just paint a picture and all of that will be on the paper. And then if you share that with people, they will kinda understand the story.
Is it possible for these kids to truly break the cycle from their past, yes.
It’s you who has the ability to forgive and forget. It just depends on you.
Aim high and if you make it, then it’s better than you could’ve expected. If you miss it, then you’re still doing good.
There’s always a bright side to everything. Just like on a coin, there’s always a head and a tail. One of those is your lucky side. You just have to pick the lucky side.
Threads For Teens
Fashion is confidence and connection. It’s about breaking from preconceived limitations to be fully self expressed and proud of who you are!
I want every girl that comes here to realize she is important and she deserves dignity.
It’s a simple thing: when we put on clothes we like, we feel good. When we put on clothes we love, we feel empowered.
Hush now. I see a light in the sky. Oh it’s almost blinding me. I can’t believe I’ve been touched by an angel. With love.
Let the rain come down. And wash away my tears. Let it fill my soul. And drown my fears. Let it shatter the walls. For a new sun. A new day has come. A new day has come. ~ Celine Dion, A New Day Has Come
Where it was dark now there’s is light.
Where there was pain, now there’s joy.
Where there was weakness, i found my strength.
All in the eyes of a boy.
Hush now. I see a light in the sky. Oh it’s almost blinding me. I can’t believe I’ve been touched by an angel. With love.
Let the rain come down. And wash away my tears. Let it fill my soul. And drown my fears. Let it shatter the walls. For a new sun. A new day has come. A new day has come.
Mental Health Posts
Mental health has been a huge part of my life even before I became aware of it myself and since that awareness up to today; I’ve become a better human being, achieved a lot with my recovering from my mental health condition, learned and gained a lot of insights, knowledge and much more.
Through it all, this is definitely something to consider of my 2nd career to research a little bit then and there while finishing the last course to complete the office admin, general program at Conestoga. Can pursue office admin assistant jobs in the meantime but also continue researching all I need to know on other possible careers that have become fascinating to me: one being in the mental health area.
I really do think that with all that I’ve been through with my mental health and all that I’ve gained from educating myself on the epidemic and topic and everything I’ve gained from experiences with it, makes so much more sense and would make me happy, confident gives me much purpose pursuing a career in helping others suffering and living with mental illness as for I’ve been there too.
In which I can use all my past experiences, lessons, knowledge, insights that I’ve gained to help them for it will help them. I’ve learned so much in my long journey with my recovery and feels right using that to help others.
Just like a girl that I follow on Tumblr: selfcareposters (in link below) that has suffered with depression and has used her own creativity of making posters to help herself with recovering from her own depression and others too, and is now currently studying in school in Clinical Mental Health. Her posters have really helped me in my recovery and will continue to as much as it has helped many of her other fans like me too.
I found myself thinking about this during and after my massage today. Along with thinking about all that I’ve accomplished with my mental health, overall being ever so proud of myself for.
Recovery
Success
I have been thinking this week about my long lasting friendship with my best friend Courtney. And have thought about how we have had both our shares of hardships/hard times together throughout the 15 years we’ve known each other. Which have been challenging for the both of us but managed to get through them together stronger somehow and with time.
It’s hard not to use our emotions when going through hardships with people we know like best friends and other acquaintances. When we had our first hardship I believe while in the 2nd semester of college last year, it was hard for the both of us. I was using more emotion rather than logic.
It was hard. Your emotions sometimes gets the best of you, but not entirely a bad way. But through that time, I eventually came to realise that I made it out stronger and same with Courtney.
Having support and help from my previous counsellor (Pauline) on campus in college last year was really someone I really did appreciate not just for help and support for my mental health but also for my hardships with my best friend Courtney. And also appreciate my help and support from everyone else for my academics as well. The classmates, learning skills, Brenda, tutor, Agnes and everyone else on campus, on residence, close friends and all you happiers here on Happier as well.
Being in recovery for as long as I have been (April 24th 2015 – present), you’re gonna definitely learn, gain a lot of new knowledge, insights, experiences, lessons and everything in between. It’s also important not only to be proud of yourself for them, but be grateful and appreciative of them.
Through all that I’ve been through in my recovery chapter so far, I’ve really come to realise all the things I’ve accomplished in the amount of time I’ve been in recovery.
Even through my first relapse with my depression and same with my nail picking habit.
My nails were looking healthier than they’ve ever been since I started using my new and successful method to help me get out of the bad habit. (used these nail treatments below). They looked so long (longer than they’ve ever been) and the weekend of my cousin’s birthday bbq, I found myself with the urge again and went at my nails again. By the end of the night, I found them looking not as healthy, only making them look and feel unhealthy and in pain. And also having constant thoughts and that night being the main focus of how fast it happened. And all of a sudden, they weren’t as beautiful, healthy and not in pain.
But since that night, I’ve been trying to not think about that night so bad. Still working on getting out of the bad habit and not thinking about that one night that changed my hope and strength. Trying my best to continue taking best care of my nails with these nail treatments, taking biotin daily and a new one: going easier on them.
Trying harder to not pick at them, gain more self control; while in recovery for my depression. Gaining more grey matter in my brain to help contribute and help me gain self control of my old bad habit here.
Gonna continue moisturizing my hands and overall body daily again and not repainting my nails too much in a period of a week. Meaning moisturizing, wearing coloured nail polish and finding ways to keep myself including my nails/hands busy helps and contributes to help me heal, grow my nails and make them stronger again. For they are still quite weak and too short. I need to stay strong, hold onto the hope I still have and do all I can to motivate me to get my nails looking healthier and beautiful again like before that night.
But on top of that, working on my recovery from my depression. Taking my first trial of antidepressants once daily (smallest dose), practicing my coping methods for my mental health recovery and overall mental health, taking care of myself (personal hygiene), try to eat more foods to consume more calories to meet my 1200 calorie goal to consume per day.
And also continue taking care of my face, washing it twice daily (morning: face wash, night: face scrub), face mask once weekly, changing pillow cases every other night and anything else that is part of the caring for clearing up my acne. And also continue attending the meetings for the “intro to mindfulnesss group” and practicing meditation. And continue using my aromatherapy products for my mental health and practicing more self love, loving myself more one day at a time.
One more thing, is continue viewing “100 Days Of Self Care” posters which has impacted and helped me through my recovery and still continues to today and forever!
I've been reading a book called Ne…
I've been reading a book called Necessary Endings. In the beginning it introduces the concept of seasons in your…
Hey everybody. I still can’t believe this…
Hey everybody. I still can’t believe this is happening, but I got into graduate school for Counseling not too long ago….
And in the meantime, today I’m gonna enjoy my massage with my sister today at 3pm and later spend the rest of the night with my best friend Courtney out for dinner at The Keg in Oakville and see “Keeping Up With The Jones” in the Oakville theatre on Winston Churchill. Enjoying the sleepover with Courtney at my parent’s house tonight and tomorrow. Having her stay longer tomorrow for my family birthday party at our house as well.
And then my official birthday diner on Monday night and open my birthday presents (Beatz, by Dr. Dre headphones, comfy lounge sweater, blue comfy warm sweater, and a purple pretty crop top) on Tuesday morning (official birthday, 20 years)!
Next post on further thoughts, etc on overall mental health, and entering the dating world once fully ready:
* Identify who you are (who you want to become, with challenges from society’s expectations and standards)
* Love yourself before you love someone else
Mental Health Post: Self Love & Entering The Dating World
You are worthy of love, affection & belonging!
Self Worth
Demi Lovato is a super great role model and example for pretty much every part of the mental health epidemic. She has and still continues to be a role model for millions of her fans.
She is living proof that you can live a normal and empowered life with mental illness.
Demi Lovato speaks about mental illness at DNC: ‘We can do better’ – video
Demi Lovato spoke at the Democratic national convention Monday evening in support of Hillary Clinton. In her speech, she…
Untreated mental illness can lead to suicide, substance abuse and long term medical issues – Fact
Demi Lovato and the young stars who declare themselves on a break
This week, Demi Lovato announced that in 2017 she was taking a break, declaring that she’s not cut out for the celebrity…
These celebs deserve a break from all the spotlight overall that comes with their job as a famous celebrity.
Mental health matters and so does everyone else as individuals. We deserve to care for ourselves more than we ever have over so many decades.
This is our time, our year to change things. We can change how we view ourselves, others and all the important epidemics, causes & isssues in our world.
Give each one the attention, care, treatment & action that each truly deserves. Never treat one person nor one epidemic/cause/issue any diffferently or more or less than another. Each person, issue, cause, and epidemic should be treated equally.
You are worthy of love, affection & belonging!
Self Worth
Mental health has been a huge part of my life even before I became aware of it myself and since that awareness up to today; I’ve become a better human being, achieved a lot with my recovering from my mental health condition, learned and gained a lot of insights, knowledge and much more.
Through it all, this is definitely something to consider of my 2nd career to research a little bit then and there while finishing the last course to complete the office admin, general program at Conestoga. Can pursue office admin assistant jobs in the meantime but also continue researching all I need to know on other possible careers that have become fascinating to me: one being in the mental health area.
I really do think that with all that I’ve been through with my mental health and all that I’ve gained from educating myself on the epidemic and topic and everything I’ve gained from experiences with it, makes so much more sense and would make me happy, confident gives me much purpose pursuing a career in helping others suffering and living with mental illness as for I’ve been there too.
In which I can use all my past experiences, lessons, knowledge, insights that I’ve gained to help them for it will help them. I’ve learned so much in my long journey with my recovery and feels right using that to help others.
Just like a girl that I follow on Tumblr: selfcareposters (in link below) that has suffered with depression and has used her own creativity of making posters to help herself with recovering from her own depression and others too, and is now currently studying in school in Clinical Mental Health. Her posters have really helped me in my recovery and will continue to as much as it has helped many of her other fans like me too.
I found myself thinking about this during and after my massage today. Along with thinking about all that I’ve accomplished with my mental health, overall being ever so proud of myself for.
We are all worthy of love, affection and belonging.
You have to have a healthy and positive relationship with yourself (falling in love with yourself) before you can fully let yourself out there in the dating world. Before you can love someone else. To know how exactly to love your future partner along with all the other things that make up a long term, healthy and positive relationship between you and your partner. Like you loving yourself, you take care of yourself, talk to yourself positively, etc.
For me with where I’m at with my life and everything, I believe that I’m fully ready to be in a relationship. I’ve become more loving within myself. Self love, self care, self worth, self confidence, self compassion and everything else in mental health and all that’s important to accomplish to be ready to go out on dates and be in a serious long term relationship particularly for me.
I’m going out for dinner tonight at The Keg in Oakville and then movies (at the Oakville, Winston Churchill movie theatre) to see “Keeping Up With The Jones” hoping for the 7:55pm show or the 10:30pm show if not able to make it to the 7:55pm show.
Life Altering Yet Challenging Moment
After Courtney went home, I started feeling so bad and not as good as I’ve felt on Thursday this past week. And I ended up sending Courtney 3 texts and not long after Courtney’s mom called to talk to my mom and told her to tell me to stop texting Courtney for she was still puking more and to leave her alone. And part of that also mentioned about me being obsessed, texting her too much. But I don’t text her absolutely everyday. She’s busy with work and all, so I don’t text every day and not too often.
Later throughout my family birthday party, I wasn’t chatty nor social with much of the family during that time. Nor was I able to fake a smile at all. I was still in quite a sensitive state to the point I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out while my demons continue to overpower me and my life.
I hate battling and overall living with mental illness. Especially with the power and effects of the stigma and discrimination that our world has created.
And then after the party ended after everyone left, my parents and sister started yelling to the top of their lungs of all the things that I did wrong during the whole party. So many times during the times they were yelling at me, I was thinking I can’t believe this is actually happening (so close to my birthday, and right after my family birthday party) and also that I don’t deserve to be treated this way.
For so many years in all our previous arguments and fights, neither my parents and sister never considered their actions hurting my feelings and maybe thinking they are being too hard on me and to let loose or something as for I’m sensitive and should be treated with better respect, care, love and treatment than I’ve ever gotten from them.
A few particular things still stick in my mind (and who knows when they won’t scar me anymore): mom stating that she wished that I never met Courtney and my dad wished that when Courtney and her family moved to New Brunswick (for a month then came back to live in Milton) that they’d stay there and not come back. Hearing that hurt me so much, like hell. My heart fucking hurts. I’m sorry for the language. But it’s expressing how much my heart truly hurts.
They also see that I don’t try to fix myself by being more sociable and more responsible too. For all of you here in the Happier community who are suffering and living with mental illness, particularly depression, know what it’s like when we can’t seem to describe to our loved ones and friends of what we are going through everyday and how we act, think, behave overall live the way we do. How hard we find ourselves battling and surviving our own minds every single day yet they don’t see that becuase the stigma and discrimination prevents that from happening.
(Below is a link explaining this more in depth in which many of you who can relate, will be able to understand a little more possibly of what i’m going through in my brain and my new current situation so close to my official birthday).
There are a few other things that offended and hurt my heart so fucking much that I just can’t think clearly nor have a clear memory of the whole talk/fight Sunday night. Oh yeah before I go on, during the fight, I basically said (not in my exact words, but you get the idea of what I was stating) that I’d be better off dead.
Then after the fight ended and I was finally able to go upstairs, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then got in bed, started sleeping till mom and dad asked me how I’m able to sleep like that. With what just happened downstairs in the fight. And then mentioned about them taking it seriously when bringing up about the thought that I mentioned about basically killing myself, suicide thought.
Now they take it seriously. They admitted that they’ve always took it seriously but the way I’ve perceived all those times was the complete opposite. They think I’m crazy, lazy, sad, not responsible, and a bunch of other things too.
By the end of that, I said something that I wished I never said “I hate them” both my parents. And basically said they don’t want me living in their house and threatened to drag me out of the house if I don’t pack my things.
And after trying to not make them kick me out of their house at 11pm on a Sunday night, I finally got out of bed and started packing whatever I could. Then got downstairs, and too close to walking out the door (after saying goodbye to Emily, my younger sister), had another chat and eventually ended up in letting me stay in their house after making a promise that I made myself to them that I’d try harder than I’ve ever tried to in the past.
And now this morning, im finding it hard to try to fox things. Where else should I start after calling everyone that was at the party for me and apologize for not being sociable, but in a polite way.
What do you think about all this? Insights, thoughts, and your advice, tips on how I should fix all the things that I’ve mentioned here plus the things that I can’t remember the top of my head on the rest of the things that were brought to light but not in a positive one either. What do you think? Give me as much as you can give me. More the better. But I always appreciate everything anyway!
I Wear My Demons On My Sleeve
Looking in the mirror, you look at yourself and you see a simple yet complex person. You more you look, the more flaws…
Demons: can take more than just a tole on your life. Your whole body, social life, family, everything that you have: is taken to a turn that you can’t necessarily have control of.
Being mentally strong is not as easy as working out at the gym to become stronger physically. It’s not at all what society thinks it is to become mentally stronger. Especially for those who are sensitive like me.
My rules:
Yeah Monday has become worse. Parents almost literally kicked me out of their house at 11pm at night.
Monday morning didn’t feel much better except for that I got to sleep in my own bed. At least for a few more days anyway.
I sent a long email to both my family doctor and career specialist, Katie (Katie was the one that called the police) and they arrived around 3pm on Monday and had a lot chat with both officers and eventfully mom came home early from work (prob someone called her about this encounter with the police invite).
My parents took away my iPhone, iPad and laptop and hid my moms laptop so I couldn’t use it (which happened at lunch today). Had a chat from the police talk situation but didn’t get anything positive from them. Only from the police.
I also mentioned my newly recent situation that happened both Sunday night and Monday, sent me contact info of her social worker for “Bridging the Gap” to help me find me a house placement most likely in Oakville. Hoping this is only temporary and will eventually after move into a house or apartment with my future boyfriend in the near future after the short term housing placement plan.
I’m gonna speak with both my family doctor, pediatrician (Dr. Shawn Kao) and the career specialist I report to for helping me find a job about this all today. Sooner the better that I move out the better.
No matter how many times I try to not only speak up but stand up for myself and my beliefs (particularly my mental health beliefs from my research and experiences with mental health) yet they come to think and believe my research and beliefs aren’t reliable sources being the Internet a good example source.
But it’s gonna continue to be a long process till they understand my beliefs but I will also remain living in their house under their rules and expectations. But still some new clarifications can be created myself tomorrow to give to them when I’m fully ready to present to them.
I will forever cope with my mental condition. We can all who live with one, live a normal and empowered life wth mental illness as Demi Lovato stated in her speech for presidential candidate Hilary Clinton.
The End
