How to Deal With a Long Distance Relationship
We’ve all had that experience or at least know someone who has. Boy meets girl, they fall in love and have cute inside jokes and hold hands and sip from the same straw. Boy or girl gets irresistible opportunity in a faraway land, travels, and both promise nothing will come in the way. The calls and text reduce to a drizzle.
‘Network is bad, babe’, ‘Our curriculum is different than it is at home’, ‘Things are so hectic here’ — Suspicion builds and tempers flare and fizzle, like the relationship, into nothingness. What is there to do, I hear you ask, to revive a dwindling long-distance relationship?
Moving away from home can be difficult. Asides from the culture shock, you have to deal with a lot while settling in. While this is a valid reason, the person left at home cannot appreciate this and feels abandoned also a valid feeling. The only key to this is communication. Saying exactly what you feel, whether it’s that you feel you should be cut some slack, or that your partner should make more of an effort to make time helps to clarify.
As obvious as this is, we often get caught up in wanting to protect our loved ones that we forget to be honest, thereby doing more damage. Find a time that is good for you both to have the conversations that matter. What’s more, AfriMobile has made this easier on your pocket.
2) Put in the work
Relationships are work. Long distance relationships are even more work. And keeping your relationship requires just that. Schedule time if you need to, make arrangements and keep them. Do things to show them more that you’re there, and you understand. If you have to set an alarm to remind yourself do it, this is the love of your life after all. Try to find solutions to whatever hindrances there are to your communication.
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We get it, you’re angry and hurt and you have all your facts and he or she had better not try to dismiss them. Often, when we get round to having conversations with somebody who grieved us, we’re so focused on our hurt that rather than have a conversation, we are looking to get our facts through and establish our indignation. Genuinely listening to what the person has to say helps, you understand where they’re coming from, and make an informed decision before you reply.
It takes weeks, months even to settle into a routine, so both parties have to be patient and take each step as it comes. Do not expect it to be okay immediately. We often make the mistake of thinking that if things do not magically sort themselves out like they do in romantic comedies, we should question the genuineness of the relationship. Give the person time while still showing support so even in the back of their busy minds they know there’s someone at home that cares. Do not underestimate the reassurance that brings.
5) Honest Evaluation
Can this really work? Lots of couples try to do this before the separation, but the truth is, you never quite know how possible it will be till the time. If both of you are trying to make it work (or worse: only one of you) and it’s not successful, you need to honestly decide if it’s feasible. Lots of people hang on to a dead relationship in denial, but this is even worse because it only makes them more bitter and resentful. Be honest with yourself first, and then your partner, about what your chances are.