How I Met Zeal

Humans,

They never learn.

I was certainly not this stupid when I was alive, I could understand the first few people who moved into my cottage by the beach after I'd passed on, you see while I was alive that cottage was the best spot for romantic getaways.

I was smart enough to share the experience of waking up to the sea view, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, the coolness of the sea breeze assaulting your face with the smell of date palms, coconuts, sand and its salty smell and the birds which occasionally perched on the window ledge all for a handsome price.

And oh, the sunset was just heavenly, it encapsulated the beach in this purple glow, which lingered till the stars and the moon cane to dance in the waters, they practically danced.

It was pure bliss, the gods of that sea probably made love on that beach, it basically nature begging you to make babies and I reckon a lot of babies did come from trips to my cottage. There was nothing really special about that wooden cottage, it was just there for you to take advantage of the environment, it was like a soft cotton bed just lying about carelessly while you battled with sleep, only this time it wasn't sleep, it was hormones raging on your inside, whispering to you to make sweet passionate love.

Love was just beautiful or at least I used to think so till I found the love of my life in that same cottage arms wrapped around her lover deeply immersed in the throes of passion, I still don't know what it was, but I went blind with rage, I reached for the shears and stormed into that room and in quick and gory slashes and stabs I put an end to their lives, capturing that look of shock on their faces as they met their early demise, the same look of shock I'd gotten used to seeing on my victims, afterward I killed myself.

You'd think people would stay away from a house with a scary history but no they didn't, somehow, someone else took over the business and preyed on people's tendency to be drawn to challenges, I mean who wouldn't want a romantic getaway at a spot where three people died for love in a rather gory manner.

As I said earlier, I mostly ignored the first set of people who moved in thereafter I was dead but afterward, I couldn't take it. The giggling, the loud moans of pleasure coming from the cottage, even the sound of feet running across the beach was all too much for me.

How dare they enjoy love?

So I did what every logical person would do when faced with a problem, gorge out the hearts of the lovers and wash my ghostly hands in the sea, cos hygiene mattered.

By the third massacre, news had spread like my wife's legs throughout that the house was haunted, they were calling me the "heartbreak ghost" now.

But some sets of humans must have heard there was free Wi-Fi service, cos those lovestruck hoodlums kept coming, I'd made plans of making a louder statement with the next couple I found there and I knew they'd fall right into my trap, after all, Valentine's day was the next day.

My worst day.

As sure as I'd predicted, my new victims had come in earlier than expected, around noon.

Two young lovers, I watched them run through my beach, the stupid girl had even almost gotten herself drowned but I saved her life, nice try bitch, nice try, but this water isn't what's going to kill you today.

That was also when I noticed the irresponsible young man by her side, first of all, who wears full traditional wear, an agbada to be precise, to a romantic date by the beach.

Secondly, why the heck was he pulling the girl by the hair while she was drowning, if I hadn't known any better I'd have thought he was trying to beat me to my job of killing the young sweet girl, he was certainly dressed for the job.

I tried hard but I couldn't make out why the girl chose this guy out of all the many suitable gentleman I could kill, she looked at him with such dreamy eyes, I tried to take a second look at him but I saw that idiot trying so hard to split a coconut with his shoes.

I decided to kill him first.

I waited till nighttime, what first startled me was the pitch of the lady as she moaned her satisfaction much to my displeasure, the man had transformed from a stupid young man to a stupid sex god of some sort, it made sense what she saw in him now, with each move he made, the girl kept spewing rubbish of every sort from her lips, each stroke had this girl singing a new song, at some point she started screaming

"Kill me!"

"You will kill me"

"Murder me, Zaddy"

I knew I had to kill that idiot before he spoilt my plans, I first drowned their pack of chocolates in the sea for no particular reason and then returned with my shears.

I slashed viciously.

And with that the deed was done, the stupid guy was dead, panic followed as a scream ensued from the lady's lips, I smiled as I raised my hands to deliver the same fate as her dead lover and then it happened.

Fiam!

I was all shades of confused and terrified as the first slap went across my cheeks, my eyes watered before I could figure out what was happening, there was another slap, this time across my eyes blinding me

"Are you mad?!"

"You de craze? Talk before I put hand for your eyes!"

I wasn't prepared for the sight that met my eyes as I opened them

It was the stupid agbada guy, naked from the waist down with a murderous look in his eyes.