First, the boredom was created
Bible version 3.2.8
“I am pretty sure God has a sense of humor” St. John
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
“Boring,” thought God
Then he created tons of other stuff; light and dark, sea and land, whole nature with animals and birds, even a beautiful garden in Eden with an apple tree.
And lastly to make it a bit interesting God created Adam, the first man. And he challenged him not to eat an apple from Eden
“Things will get interesting now” – God hoped.
But Adam was alone and obeying; nothing much was going on with the guy.
“Boring!” yelled Creator
Then one day God saw young Adam playing with himself in the bushes. And a good idea stroke him.
He created a woman, Eve. “That will help Adam with the misery and definitely make things more interesting,” He thought.
Very fast Adam and Eve made three sons Cain, Abel and Seth. Then other sons and daughters. Many of them. A healthy couple, no protection. And they were happy. Stupidly happy.
But Eve had a quiet boring life though. Adam was mostly out hunting, and she was at home alone with tons of children around. Children were too noisy and demanding. And she would often run away to the lake to rest, to enjoy the solitude, to look at herself in the reflection. Beautiful and naked. But soon she got tired of that too. Even doing different “looking back” poses and smiley faces would not help. Same routine. It was so boring. Every time the same perspective, the view from below in the water. She wished she could look at herself from above and do some goofy lips. The first selfie idea was born, but it didn’t actually happen until Instagram was created.
She was carving daily statuses on their cage wall, but very limited likes were driving her crazy. She even came up with the first inspirational quote “Hand in hand, you and me. Today, tomorrow and forever “, add a nice drawing of the heart. Still, just a few likes and no shares. She was bored to death, and there were no shrinks around to talk about her problems. So she started talking to a snake, and they became best friends. At that time the BFF abbreviation. was created. She was happy. Adam was happy. They both were stupid and happy. Until.
Until one day this sneaky BFF walked her to the forbidden garden. And she saw this beautiful apple tree and couldn’t resist it. And the first bitten apple logo was created but didn’t implement until Steve Jobs was born.
Eve got smarter, so smart that she easily convinced dumb Adam to eat the apple too. They both got smart and unhappy.
From that day things got really messy, even God got confused.
There is also this woman, Lilith, presumably daughter of Satan. Adam met her suddenly in the woods and after opening to her his meaningless life problems the first cheating happened.
Eve knew that Adam cheated on her. She was devastated. The first idea of divorcing was created. But didn’t happen, because every time she was trying to bring it up, Adam would blame her with this apple eating thing. That’s was the first blackmailing attempt. And also Eve didn’t have much of a choice to be in the market.
Limited population, Adam was the first monopolist for sure.
And yet, we are more than 7 billion now. So how that happened?
Assuming that the children of Adam and Eve were not perverts to marry each other, and since we all exist nowadays, the logical conclusion might be that Lilith had children too, presumably from the monopolist in the market. But kids didn’t know that they are step brothers and sisters. So they got married to each other and had children too. That is what explains why we have so many stupids in this planet. No offense idiots, not your fault. Consider yourself pure Adams and Eves before apple eating.
We may also assume that the number of children was not even, especially after Cain killed Abel. That must be how the first guy people appeared.
Cain killed Abel, but since there were not enough people to organize a proper judicial procedure;12 juries, judge, counselors, guards. So nothing actually happened to him. Nobody gave a shit. Only God punished Cain to a life of wandering. I guess that’s how hitchhiking and traveling was invented.
There are other many things was created. Well, actually everything. But some were more significant than others.
Don’t judge me harshly; this was just humor. And no offense “smart” people.