Tall, tall, tallbikes.

The Ladd’s 500 bicycle relay race

Portland, Oregon cyclists seriously have serious fun

After two victorious laps in the Ladd’s 500, I got a flat. My riding partner fell asleep in the grass. So instead of racing, I took photos.

My riding partner fell asleep in the grass.

Organizer David Barstow Robinson exhaustively explained the Ladd’s 500 in the Facebook event:

It’s not a race, it’s a relay

500 laps of Ladd Circle is a century. Form teams of at least 2, switch riders at least 10 times during your laps, and turn left for a while. If you want to run it solo, bring two bikes so you can make your switches. Riders are responsible for accurately counting their own laps. Any bike is acceptable, but weirder is funnier. If you’re not riding, let’s party in the middle.

Attention getting megaphone (and socks).

Rule 1 — We are allowed to be in the park, and we are allowed to ride on the road. If anyone feels otherwise, please be judicious in your diplomacy or find someone who is able to do so.

The Portland crowd — participants and peanut gallery partying in the middle of Ladd Circle.

Rule 2 — You are responsible for the people around you. Call your passes. Don’t cause a wreck. Don’t be a dick.

The small bike rider was fast. It looked painful.

Rule 3 — If you crash, get the fuck out of the way. If you’re helping someone who crashed, help them get the fuck out of the way. Don’t crash, dumbass.

That guy in purple and gold was a great sport about having his photo taken. I think he might have been a Lakers player.

Rule 4 — Try not to fuck with cars. This is not a closed course, share the right of way.

Very few cars came through. One lady in a Prius was so confused she almost crashed into a few cyclists. Everyone else driving by managed to control their vehicles.

Rule 5 — Absolutely don’t fuck with pedestrians. Hitting a ped will result in a DQ.

The pedestrians were fine. No one tried to hit them. They were just running across the road being silly.

Rule 6 — There will be a pit lane by the start/finish line for rider/bike switches. If you run through the pit at speed or cause a crash in the pit lane, you will be assessed (at the least) a 5 minute stop/go penalty before you may resume your laps. If you’re going to madison (if you don’t know, you aren’t), both riders must be outside the pit lane.

Lovely orange Schwinn. The guy on the left rode 20 laps popping a wheelie on a fat bike. I wish I’d gotten a decent photo of that.

Rule 7 — Report your laps and time at the booth. Don’t lie or cheat, that’s stupid.

That’s a hairless type of dog that gets sunburnt. I hope it was wearing sunscreen. The guy in the unicorn pajama costume seemed withdrawn.

Rule 8 — As non-participants: don’t fuck with the riders, unless you know they have a sense of humor and think they deserve it. Even then, aim for annoyance rather than interference.

Leaving Ladd Circle. Fun times for cyclists in Portland.

If you enjoyed reading this, please click the green 💚 icon to help spread the story. Thanks!

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Aixe Djelal’s story.