In Action League Now!’s heyday, I heard a telling testament to its niche status when a grade-school classmate called Thundergirl “That flying Barbie.”
Give the kid partial credit for remembering the character’s defining trait. But the way he saw a link that wasn’t there underscores the Mattel monarch’s overwhelming presence between segments of the shows we grew up on.
A quarter-century later, that regal grip has gone Hollywood. We are coming off a summer of inescapable Barbie buzz and cinema’s Barbenheimer phenomenon. Not inclined to quit while they are all but insurmountably ahead, Mattel Films has confirmed its plan to produce a panoply of adaptations of other products.
Come what may, presumably unlike my old classmate, there are those nursing a penchant for ’90s Nick nostalgia and cannot help reflecting on this other doll/action-figure-based entity that featured a slew of more lighthearted explosions. And whereas Barbie spared no resources and fetched a phenomenal return on its investment, Action fans would love if someone would spring for an adaptation faithful to its silly, small-time roots.
Action League Now! was as ragtag as they came, focusing on a funny foursome of refashioned plastic characters built on components from Hasbro, Playskool, and elsewhere. More often than not, the bumbling assembly of strengths and weaknesses raced to the bottom against “None other than His Dishonor, The Mayor,” whose downfall was more his conceit than his foils’ collective competence.
With that formula and format, this series of shorts was a nomadic component of Nickelodeon variety shows, starting on the first two seasons of All That circa 1994–95, then transferring to KaBlam! for the balance of the century. Along the way, the brand notched a one-off full-fledged half-hour special. Then it briefly repurposed its segments to comprise its own series, a la the way Nick and Cartoon Network packaged Looney Tunes.
Since then, CN has churned out its own original Looney Tunes series while a host of classic Nick originals joined in on the rash of reboots. In so doing, some shows pulled off a calculated merger between the past and present. Through the 44-minute Netflix film, Static Cling, Rocko’s Modern Life epitomized that stragtegy by applying its style of satire to smartphones, vlogging, cable news, energy drinks, and food trucks.
For this Action League supposition, the arguably definitive aficionado would prefer to keep everything in what is now all our past, with some glimpses farther back at the protagonists’ history. Through direct message, Zac Fieldsend, who has his own handcrafted replicas of every core character, said his idea for the first phase of the film would unveil each staple’s backstory. He would be especially keen on a scrawn-to-brawn narrative wherein The Flesh sculpts his super strength to offset endless “Ouchies!”-inducing incidents as a schoolboy.
In addition, Fieldsend would like to know more about Stinky Diver’s experience as a Navy commando, the mishap that yielded Meltman’s power, the specifics on how the League once worked with before wrecking secondary villain Hodge Podge, and The Chief’s purpose and process for hiring the team.
Fieldsend would also set the film’s present day back in the saga’s original era, thereby warranting some definitive ’80s looks on The Chief and company for the flashback sequences.
In one minor deviation from other proposals, Brett Wilson, cohost of the Splat Attack podcast who initially addressed this idea via email, envisions some 21st-century twists. The screenplay would have the crime-fighting quartet acknowledge its state of being by sending them to a brick-and-mortar toy store. There they would convince their peers to take up arms against The Mayor, who threatens the store by aiming to monopolize an online retail giant in the vein of Amazon.
When Wilson took the idea to the podcast’s Mona’s Mailbag segment August 16, cohost Alex Nantz suggested a slew of Pyrrhic victories to fill out the hour-and-a-half frame.
“I feel like it would have to be something that would start small, but then continuously escalate to a ridiculous degree,” he said.
To ensure sustained humorous overdrive right to the conclusion, Nantz continued, the figure who epitomizes the League’s underdog status should be the accidental hero.
“It would be funny if, like, Meltman was the one that ultimately saved the day,” he said. To that point, Wilson added, Meltman could morph into a puddle that sends an evildoer literally sliding into police custody.
That flight would require the help of an unseen hand. Unlike the Barbie brand with its record-breaking live-action blockbuster lending the latest look in its varied chronicle of media, Action League Now! has a lifelong link with chuckimation to sustain. All of the devotees who spoke for this piece are in general agreement on that.
“I would want to keep it stop-motion,” Nantz said on the August 16 Splat Attack. “I wouldn’t want to make a live-action adaptation. It’s far less fun.”
“Definitely gotta stick with chuckimation,” Fieldsend echoed via DM. “I think with live action it would lose some of that original charm.”
(Not to mention, the former approach would grant a smoother solution to working around The Flesh’s second super trait. Otherwise, the filmmakers would have to debate pixelation versus loin cloths versus tasteful body suits.)
“No CGI either,” Wilson added on the August 16 podcast.
At a minimum, if Paramount were to pursue this film and the most vocal proponents had it their way, the project would enlist household voices in lieu of the original talent from the franchise’s ’90s nest at the Pittsburgh radio station, 102.5 WDVE.
At another minimum, Nantz would rather lighten the list of as-themselves guest stars, but added on the podcast, “It would be fun to have KISS come back again,” recalling the second appearance of secondary villain Big Baby (who, incidentally, Meltman heroically placates with “Rock-a-bye Baby” on the electric guitar).
Wilson’s picks for the protagonist players (all of which he proposed in his email to me)?
The Flesh: Dwayne Johnson or Jason Mamoa, “because they’ve got the physique to match, and I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult of a personality to portray.”
Thundergirl: Emma Stone (who famously failed an All That tryout circa 2000–01) and Jaime Pressly would be Wilson’s leading candidates to convey the right blend of “honor” and “sass.”
Stinky Diver: Ken himself, Ryan Gosling, would be up against John C. Reilly in Wilson’s Diver derby. Either actor, he says, could rock Stinky’s stache, “and the character’s semi-French accent could be new territory for them to explore.”
Meltman: Perhaps appropriately, the faceless sad sack of the gang is the hardest role to fill. Ultimately, though. Wilson is leaning toward Michael Cera to capture “the happy, yet deadpan feel of Meltman.”
The Chief: “C’mon,” Wilson says of the Action League’s no-nonsense boss, “Danny or Donald Glover would kill it. Both are amazing, versatile, and experienced in their own right.”
