In front of the bar — soul mates or friends?

Have you ever met someone for the first time and it’s felt like you’ve known them forever? Everything is easy. You don’t have to watch what you say; you don’t have to worry about their reaction to your strange choice of conversation direction; there’s never an awkward silence or distracting conversation filler. It’s so rare that when it happens you have to enjoy the wonderful ride — refreshing, exciting and effortless.

This happened to me, for the first time in a long time, a few months ago (I started this blog in December, so forgive the time lag). At least, when I say for the first time, perhaps, then, it happened to a greater extent than ever before — to a point that I instantly realised it was one of those moments.

I was farewelling a friend in a busy pub in ‘Midtown’(not the effortlessly hip new place, the Holborn Hotel, but a suitable venue nonetheless) when I tried to squeeze past a group of unfamiliar faces on my return from the bar (which happened to be tended by a partially sited lady who claimed to be able to guess the exact amount of change in a pocket upon its “gentle shaking”, but that is a story for another time). The squeeze was interrupted by friendly eye contact with a kind-faced girl. Excitable, eccentric, almost hyper — just like me, except with the almost. As was fitting, I introduced myself and forced myself to concentrate when she told me her name. But that was all the thinking that was necessary as the evening ran away without warning. Painlessly. The conversation was so natural that you could actually listen to the answer of a question without worrying about the next question; you could actually give a decent answer to a question without the fear of either being interrupted or feeling guilty about the answer’s depth. All answers felt necessary and sufficient in equal measure. That ease of conversation meant we covered alot of ground quickly, but I didn’t feel panicked. I didn’t feel like I was ticking off an ever-shortening list of conversation topics. Instead, I was reaching for a pen, in my mind, to scrawl down more questions, more things that I knew would be common ground for this female version of myself. Thinking as I write, perhaps that isn’t the most accurate description for this young lady — she was more my perfect complement — that taste you need to stop a someone being too bitter. The unfortunate bitter taste at the end of the night came when my offer for dinner was met with the gut-wrenching words “I’m seeing someone”. Well fuck you then.

Let me just clear something up — I don’t spend all my time thinking about whether or not a certain person might be my soul mate (at least, that’s what I spend all my time convincing myself). These thoughts have been closer to the forefront of my mind since I met a lady who spoke quite passionately about soul mates. This lady had been happily married, with children, when one unassuming night she walked into a bar for a friends party and her life afterwards was never the same. It sounded a little cliché to me too, but she went on to describe how she met the eyes of a man for whom she left her husband and who she maintains is her soul mate. With a raised eyebrow I questioned that his status as her soul mate might simply be a manifestation of her guilt; an attempt to justify the demise of her marriage — but she replied saying she had been more than happily married, and that her new found love was not a consequence of failing fondness for her first husband. I still found the truth of this hard to swallow, but I did appreciate that a strong emotional connection between two people has the potential to change many things. But worth ending a marriage? That’s pretty strong love at first site. Like Arnold strong.

So, what of it? I think there exists such a thing as love at first site, although maybe love is the wrong way to put it — perhaps connection is a better description. I definitely appreciate the power of a connection with someone when you’re meeting them for the first time (it happened again to me more recently (it’s coming across like I fall in love quite easily and I won’t deny it)— the things in common, similar quirks, similar obsessions). Such a powerful connection really can change everything and perhaps in certain instances it could be capable of overcoming long-established love. Ambitious — with regards to my recent connection this might be wishful thinking on my part, especially in light of my soul’s counterpoint being very much involved in someone else. Nevertheless, such connections are not necessarily the unbeatable recipe for love (remember chalk and cheese and opposites attract); instead they could be an unbeatable recipe for friendship. After all, we choose our friends because we get along with them, they don’t irritate, nor do their voices grate, and we have things in common — a soul mate with no strings attached seems a little oxymoronic, however. I guess one would have to sleep with their soul mate to find out. I’ll get back to you on that.