Conversely

Tough Pill to Swallow

“Your shoulder still bothering you?”

“And my hands. See the bumps at the base of my thumbs?”

“Ouch. What are you taking for it?”

“I started with ibuprofen but heard it’s bad for your liver so I switched to naproxen. Then I found out that it has the same problems. Seems all those NSAIDs are bad for your liver and for your heart, so I quit.”

“What about glucosamine? It’s supposed to help repair cartilage.”

“Nope. All that anecdotal evidence has been proven untrue.”

“Have you tried fish oils? Some of them are said to be good for lubricating the joints. And they’re supposed to lower cholesterol.”

“Yeah, but most of them contain lots of impurities.”

“What kind of impurities?”

“PCBs, mercury, and other heavy metals. I wouldn’t want to ingest any of that crap, would you?”

“Guess not. Since arthritis is an auto-immune disease, you could try CoQ 10. It’s supposed to help with that, and with heart failure, and even some cancers.”

“Not verified by any studies I can find. And it elevates liver enzymes in the people who take it.”

“So, what’s the answer?”

“The only real answer I’ve found is to forget about it.”

“Sure, but how do you do that?”

“I start by taking a tall mug down from the cupboard.”

“Yeah.”

“Then I fill it three-quarters full of whole milk.”

“Yeah.”

“I put it the microwave and heat it until just steaming.”

“And?”

“And I fill the rest of the mug with Scotch, drink it down, and go to bed. Seems a good night’s sleep helps as much as anything.”

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