In 7th grade I had my first real boyfriend — “Brian” a 6th grader. His 7th grade step brother asked me if I wanted to go steady with Brian. I said yes. Mainly because I was worried if I didn’t say yes to someone, boys would stop asking.
But Brian wasn’t really my boyfriend. We never went to the movies. There weren’t any basement make-out sessions. Our relationship consisted of saying hello at school, phone calls and wearing his ID bracelet. Which I lost.
For Valentine’s Day I gave him a heart-shaped box of chocolate my mom decorated with balloons. I received mint green conversation heart earrings. A perfectly lovely and appropriate gift for a 12-year-old. One problem: they were for pierced ears. But I didn’t have pierced ears.
OH NO, I thought. Now EVERYONE will know the truth. A real boyfriend would know I didn’t have pierced ears. Because he would be up close and personal with my ears. If you know what I mean. We couldn’t handle such scandal and broke up shortly thereafter.
The moral of my tale: Buy your own damn Valentine’s Day gift.
Get the chocolates, bag or expensive champagne you really want. Then raise a big toast that we only have to go through middle school once in a lifetime. Happy Valentine’s.
