Un-infested Epiphony 

I just ate a bug…or perhaps not, but I definitely chewed on something that had bugs in it. The one time I decide to have carbs after 7:00pm, there are creatures living within it. As I put the first spoonful in my mouth, and took my first crunch, I saw a little tiny ant-like bug stuck, dead, to the side of the bowl, drowned instantly by the very expensive milk that I had to later throw out (I buy the milk that comes in glass bottles, the kind that comes straight from the farm, the unpasturized gold-laced milk). Then all these little carcasses suddenly came floating to the top, like the Titanic had just sunk in my snack bowl. Plop, I dropped the maybe bug infested mouthful back into the bowl, disgusted at myself. Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t be eating cereal at 11:00pm at night, or a sign I need to eat more protein, or a sign that I need to clean my cupboards more often. It was a good way to end my day though, I woke up feeling fine, then got a call saying that I was fifty minutes late for work. Worked a double shift today, tried to quit smoking then smoked too much at work, went to the gym and could barely breathe and hated myself the whole way through it. Walked home and listened to sad music that made me realize how alone I am, how unhappy with myself I feel, how disappointed I am that I haven’t been able to just grab control of myself and get my shit together. Wondering why I can’t seem to lose this damned last ten pounds, and why I can’t seem to quit harming myself, and feeling so goddamn alone.

But then I realized that these things aren’t huge, because you know what’s huge? Bugs in your cereal.