More Hotwife Advice from Dr. Lexi*

March 26, 2018

I have some practical advice for the new soccer mom Hotwife as well as for the women I refer to as Hotwife-in-Waiting. This advice is meant for women who have bought into this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle for the right reason but have little practical experience as yet, or who have made the commitment but haven’t had their trigger pulled. I’m not sure if I said that right but you get the idea.

I’m talking about women who understand that by fulfilling her husband’s very normal desire to share her with other men, is not only going to enrich their marriage by adding even more Intimacy but will Supercharge it both in and out of the bedroom.

For those readers that have been following my blog for any length of time, you are probably saying something like “Yeah yeah, ho-hum, so what’s new?” That’s what my husband said as his first reaction when I sent him the advance copy of what I have written below for him to critique before I post it.

His second reaction after he read a little further was “Oh!” That is because I usually spend a lot more time talking about WHY this Lifestyle works than I do explaining to women HOW it works.

So now, in keeping with my Message to Mary series of blog Posts aimed at women, I am going to explain how to be a Soccer Mom Hotwife and what you can expect in your dating life.

So, like I often do with some of my more edgy writings, I am going to start with a disclaimer, besides the one with the asterisk that says Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor. The disclaimer is that there is no one right way to be a Hotwife. It’s not intended to be, my way or the highway.

I receive email from 55 countries, from all religions, races, cultures, societies, political beliefs, whatever. The common denominator is married couples where the husband shares his wife with other men.

There is not one correct way to make this happen but I had to pick one way in order to explain it, so that it wouldn’t be too complicated to explain, and which would make sense to most cultures. So I have decided on the way that is easiest for most Soccer Mom Hotwives to get started.

I would like to introduce you to my example brand new Hotwife. Her name is Mary. Mary is a stay at home mom who works part-time in retail. Mary’s husband is in Industrial Widget Sales. Mary and her husband have been married for a long time and married Mary, not contrary, has been out of the dating scene for all of that time.

They have decided not to share their special secret with anyone and Mary will portray herself as “married, but . . .” The reason for that is because it is the easiest way to explain her availability, and where she gets asked the fewest questions about why she is out by herself socially.

I use The Chili Game as my Step One practical guide to starting in this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle because it doesn’t require any trigger pulling and won’t take most women out of their comfort zone. The only reason this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle isn’t more mainstream than it is already is because men have a tendency to want their wives to start with Step Ten instead of Step One.

I have received a zillion emails from men over the years who say to me “If I had only known then . . . what I know now.” Well, that’s exactly why I do this as a PSA!

If you don’t know what The Chili’s Game is, you can click on the tab on my website and read it. The purpose of playing The Chili’s Game is for a woman to build both confidence in herself, and Intimacy in her marriage, by exposing herself to men.

It’s not what you think. I’m talking about socially in a non-sexual atmosphere, to build her confidence being chatted up by men, to fluff up her ego, and expand her level of comfort by expanding her horizons one small Step at a time.

I probably could have worded that a better way but it made me smile when I typed it, so I didn’t change it. To be honest with you, playing The Chili’s Game is probably not the best place to actually get to Step Ten.

For anyone who has read our story, Michael spent many frustrated nights watching me never get past Step Three at a Chili’s. The first time I did get to Step Ten playing that game, he missed it.

Anyway, my point is that I believe in the Concept of the Chili’s Game as a tool to get started, but not to rely on to go further than its stated purpose. So this advice is meant for all the Mary’s out there in the current graduating class and are “Movin on up!” This is what you can expect.

~

Mary, you need to get used to having sex with your shoes on. Men will remove all of your clothes but not your shoes. I have no idea why that it, but it’s a fact. I know this not only from my own experience but also from all of the emails I get from other women.

It won’t matter if your shoes draw blood on his back either! Your shoes are not going to come off unless you take them off yourself, and if you do that, your guy is probably going to be secretly disappointed. (a little)

When you hook up with Mr. Tonight you need to understand that although he was hoping for spontaneous casual sex with a woman like you whom he believes is a cheating wife, he is not prepared for success.

There is not going to be a discussion about whether or not you are pregnant proof. Since you are wearing a wedding ring and you end up in a motel room, or some other location suitable for sex, he is not going to ask. Why is that? It’s because he wants to have sex with you. He is not going to ask you any questions that could possibly talk you out of your availability to him. He will simply assume you are safe. So be safe!

He is going to assume that if you are not safe, you would not be out socializing and end up with him in a location suitable for sex.

There is no reason for you to give your phone number to a man that wants to keep in touch with you. He will promise not to call you since you are married and he only wants to have sex with you. He only wants to text, he will say. So give him your monkey business email address and use it on your phone. It’s almost as fast as texting, its way less intrusive, and it’s easier to control who has access to you. In those rare instances where a man becomes a pain in your ass, you can block him or delete your account.

I never recommend to a new Hotwife that she look for Mr. Right. A woman new to this Lifestyle should not be looking for an ongoing “relationship”. She needs to experience a variety of men.

I am not suggesting that you have to go out socially and have spontaneous casual sex if you are not comfortable with that. If you want to go out, and you meet that guy and you think there might be mutual chemistry and you want to go slow, then go slow. There is not one right way to do this.

The only problem with going too slow is that sometimes you send the wrong message and men think you are looking for more. Try not to send that message. It’s why I don’t recommend seeing the same guy more than a few times unless you are dating more than one guy.

The goal of this Message to Mary was to give a little general advice to a large cross-section of women instead of the other way around. My real goal is to help everyone because when Michael and I got started we didn’t know what the hell we were doing. It doesn’t have to be that way for you Mary!

If you have questions, write to me! I can’t answer a question you don’t ask. If I don’t know the answer I will rely on my cadre of support at Dr. Lexi’s* Coconut Telegraph!

Sign your email Mary, if you want to!

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor! She is really Alexis McCall. You would be surprised at some of the confusion about who is really who, or whom . . . . whatever.