To all those fighting a battle within no one knows of ...I wish you patience, strength and from the outside world compassion...the compassion to know that mental illness is as bad as any illness out there if not worse.
"I didn't learn to stand up again , I don't have a grip on myself
I still haven't untangled the mess ,
I still haven't pushed through any of it...
I still hate myself and
I still give up everyday , always ....
I still don't see the point of it all
I still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel ...
I still pretend when you talk ,I listen...
I nod my head and give a faint smile , i want to make you feel better
I still pretend the voices in my head are mute shadows
I still pretend that they don't have the best of me ...
I still pretend when you say " this happens to everyone " that I believe you
I still pretend when you say " Get closer to God" that you've given me a road to salvation
I still pretend when you compare my situation to the miseries of others , my struggles shrink and your OH-so-New perspective shines
I still pretend you're not ignorant
I still pretend you've walked a mile in my shoes
I still think you're judgemental and condescending
I still feel I am a burden ..
I still feel you're waiting to hear the words "I'm Ok now " to have that sigh of relief and the weight of me drops off your shoulders
I still pretend I feel anything , just because you want me to.
I'm afraid if I unleash my demons , you'll suffer ....and I'm sure you won't be able to handle it.
I still want to quit everyday
I still don’t think you grow past this
And NO its not just a phase..
What’s within lurks from forever until forever .. And no tomorrow won’t be better...
I still have a faint instinct to fight ..
I still believe life isn’t ours to end
I still believe each life has a struggle , mine is just within ... And no that’s not smaller than everything out there