Fix this mess….or…..not

Alice’s Nightmare
Sep 1, 2018 · 5 min read

Two months ago, the judge informed all of the lawyers that it will be 50/50 custody of all minor children. He told them there was nothing anyone could tell him that would change that outcome. He ordered the lawyers to fix it before trial, or that is what he will rule at trial.

Of course, he has NO idea what MM has done, because he has to date categorically refused to hear the first WORD of my side of this story and has judged me and condemned me based upon the lies (without evidence to back those lies) that MM and the corrupt GAL fabricate against me.

I have a mountain of evidence that proves all of my claims, which no one has to date ever evaluated whatsoever. I learned a long time ago that truth is only truth when it is independently verifiable. When we get to trial, it will become deadly obvious to the judge that he has been played for a fool. The judge is already freaked out that I was able to get part of my story into the national media while NOT violating his unconstitutional gag order. When he sees and hears my evidence he is going to realize his career is in jeopardy of being over if he does not change the course of what he has done by simply allowing a corrupt GAL to do everything she has done.

That said, I am fairly certain that my lawyer set them all up with these evaluations. Since the follow up hearing for taking my kids was cancelled because my lawyer had a family death, the presumption by both GALs has remained that because CPS took the children from me and dictated I had to be supervised, they refuse to change the dynamic. Except, CPS did NOT require supervision of all of the children. The corrupt GAL did that, and she did it by claiming ON THE RECORD that because I was so sadistically abused by him, I am incapable of not badmouthing him. And this puts my children at risk of my alienating them from him. Therefore, I should never have anything but supervised access to them. In fact, CPS closed their case with NO custody recommendations whatsoever. But the new GAL continues to believe the lies of the old GAL and MM and refuses to contradict anything which they have done in the last two years, even when the JUDGE has told him to do so.

So, in the hearing where the judge ordered them to fix it and refused yet again to hear my side of this nightmare, it dawned on me. My lawyer’s biggest weapon she uses is the early evaluation which it was determined that our parenting was 100% EQUAL and there should be nothing but shared custody of the children. Every so called expert CPS has brought in has stated the exact same thing. But, I realized at that aborted hearing this time….those evaluations and determinations were all made…in the exact same month I was diagnosed with PTSD and had just started medications. I am unlikely to ever regain all of my memories from that period of time, and I have openly acknowledged that that was the ONE time when my children might have been better off if they had not been with me. We survived because my adult children stepped in and kept things running for me. We survived because those children knew something had harmed me and that I was able to recover. And they reminded ME daily that I could recover, even if they did not understand what had been done to me. THAT is what MM’s parenting is equal to….not ME, but a traumatized, shut down, reactionary, hurting, and struggling shell of me. What happens if you evaluate the me of NOW, the stronger, healed, aware of my autism and focused on what it takes to keep fighting to rebuild all of our lives me?

I think my lawyer knows the answer to that. I am pretty sure I know the answer to that. Rather than FIXING it, the GALs ordered new parenting evaluations and this time bonding evaluations of all of the minor children. They did not evaluate those children with ME in those bonding evals. Which means they evaluated HIS bonding with all of the minor children he has stolen. And I have hours and hours of audio of how he behaves with these children when the court is not watching. The case notes with CPS and their contracted therapists were FULL of warnings about his behaviors with the children that were categorically ignored in favor of the witch hunt against the autistic mother. Properly trained to know what they are looking at, a bonding evaluation is going to expose ALL of those grotesque trauma bonded abuse dynamics that are the undercurrent of all of his interactions with my children. I think my lawyer knows that. I think she is the real power behind these evaluations rather than just fixing things like the judge ordered.

If you put him in front of someone who actually knows what they are doing and what they are looking at, he fools no one. If you get an evaluator who does not hate autistics so badly that they are willing to jeopardize their own career and commit perjury to steal children from an autistic mother, then those experts are going to tell THE TRUTH about what they are seeing. And as I have healed and stabilized and becoming closer to who I was before the rapes, the experts have stopped seeing the worst stereotypes of autistics and have started speaking STRONGLY in my favor and against him.

New evaluations, a fourth set of court ordered ones and a 5th set I had to undergo voluntarily to clarify the ASD diagnosis given by the 3rd evaluation of the court, is frustrating. I have no money. I barely make ends meet. And once again I have to pay for another person to affirm what every other person has affirmed. I have no personality disorders. I have ADHD, and have since childhood. I have PTSD which was the direct result of what he did to me May 2016. Even if you don’t get into the details of what he did, every single evaluation has affirmed HE gave me PTSD May 2016, on his way out the door of my life. And now, we know the underlying issue of what is “off” about me, why I only want to speak about my children to the court, why I am “rude” and blunt and curt and have no desire to make small talk and be sociable with them personally. THEY ARE NOT HERE TO BE MY FRIENDS AND I AM NOT REQUIRED TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE THREATENING MY CHILDREN AND MY RIGHT TO MOTHER MY CHILDREN! But the underlying explanation is that I am autistic. There is nothing else wrong with me. I don’t fit into their world. It has nothing to do with how I mother my children. HE fits into their world, and he’s had some serious personality disorders attached to him in these evaluations which the court has ignored because he is charming and I am reactionary. But I am NOT reactionary now. I think my lawyer wants the court to see what the experts have been trying to tell them over the last six months. Compare the me of NOW to him….and we are no longer equal in any capacity. They just refused to see that I walked a journey to heal, and heal I am doing.

Alice’s Nightmare

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