Rejection bites

No one ever said rejection was easy. At least no one in my circles of friends, family or co-workers. But man does it suck when salt keeps getting added to the wound you have from rejection.

Who hasn’t been rejected?

OK good. We are all in the same boat.

I recently applied for a job of my dreams. While I didn’t get the job I did make it to the final round. However, looking back there were so many signs that I wasn’t getting the job during the final round but I was blind to it.

It wasn’t until hours later after I heard I didn’t get it that I began to think about it. Wow. There were so many signs that the decision was already made when I walked in those doors.

First thought, maybe they just gave me the interview to humor me since you know I had been a long time employee and they should at least interview me. But that went quickly away because I know in my heart I earned that final spot. I wasn’t going to allow doubt to ruin that feeling.

But as I sat there, I kept wondering about their postures, speaking habits and complete loss of attention to me.

Damn. If I had the nerve to know what I was seeing at the time I would have made some dumb ass comment like ohhhh I am sorry I am boring you. Like seriously rubbing your eyes like a child that is sleepy???

Like the moment you know you have lost it, wouldn’t you like to say something to them to get them to see how inappropriate they are being in an interview.

My students would blow them away with their abilities to interview someone even if they are boring as shit. But apparently they didn’t pass interviewing 101.

It’s been about six weeks since I found out I am not the person. I have been struggling through it but I keep on pushing. And the plus is I like and know the new guy so that makes it better too. I know we will work hard to advance the program together.

Recently, I finally started feeling acceptance toward not getting the job. It was like the grieving process that I was going through.

A couple weeks ago there has been three times that the wound I was struggling to close was opened and salt was poured on.

Finally the announcements of the new guy. Again, remember I like the new guy and I am excited to see where the new year takes us but it’s hard to have the little reminders that you are not the new guy.

Have you ever been so close to closure on something hurtful and bam, that wound is as raw as day one?

It’s an awful feeling.

You struggle not to beat yourself up over it.

You struggle not to pull yourself down and think you are unworthy.

You spend time and money preparing, working endlessly, and even doing extra things. All to prove something.

You want so much to just be done with it but here it is right in front of you. Again.

I get it. There is a new person coming in. I get it I will work for them. I get it, everyone should be happy. I fucking get it.

But the reminders that my brain keeps annoying me with are trying to tear me down. STOP already. It’s time for acceptance and moving forward brain…

And the salt was unintentional but damn that hurts.

I felt like it was day one all over again. Rip the damn bandaid off and add some salt.

My point is we are all human and we all experience rejection and the reminders of it can hurt.

Keep moving forward. Tell your brain that you are worthy and that you matter. People will see your value. And if they don’t, don’t give up. They will see it one day!

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