The Story about A Self-challenge
*You gotta be tough!
It was the beginning of my senior year at university. I had finished most of my subjects and got my “almost final” GPA. At August 2009, two options stood in front of me: go find a job or continue my education. I chose to go with the latter.
Being the first of my class academically, I applied for the Master’s Program of two top universities in Beijing, one of which is definitely my dream school and the dream school of thousands of engineering students in China. Excitement rushed into my head when I heard that I succeeded their online resume screening and got the chance to attend on-site interviews.
Two days before the interview, I hopped onto the train for Beijing. During the 14 hour trip, no scenary could be beautiful enough to stop me from picturing myself studying at my dream school.
That September in Beijing was a little bit chilly. With no smog problem then, the strong northwest wind welcomed me and tried its best to blow me to the corners on every street.
When I arrived at my hotel and found Internet access, I checked the interview schedule of the two universities. Surprisingly, their interviews were arranged at the same day, same time! Rumor had it that one of them was tired of receiving “left-over” students from the other, so the former set up the interview time after knowing the other’s arrangement. Well, even if that’s the truth, there was nothing I could do.
Without a doubt, I went to the interview of my dream school first. Not only because it was and still is a world class university, but also for the way its staff treated me, with respectable integrity.
Leaving all the trifling nuisance outdoors and bringing whatever skills I had, I stepped into the interview room on September 30. The interview did not go well, however. With 1/3 pass rate, I knew my destiny the moment the interview finished. I could even hear my heart shatter. I spent the rest of my day overwhelmed by the fear of uncertainty towards my future.
The results were released the same night. Although there were only 15 names on the list, I checked and checked again, in the slim hope of a “near escape”. But my eyes finally convinced me and brought me back to reality. I failed.
The first thing I needed to figure out was what to do afterwards. Do I just go pursue my education in the other university? Do I go find a job? Or am I determined to go to no other places except for my dream school?
After immersing myself in these tough questions for three days and struggling for answers, I suddenly remembered some of my previous words: “I will take the national postgraduate examination if I fail the interview of my dream school, because a dream school cannot be called so if you can replace it by others.” With those words appeared in my head, I knew it’d be the best to follow the idea I had had when I was calm and lucid. It’s almost impossible to make a wise choice when you are immersed in negative feelings.
Everything became easier when I knew what to do. There I was, studying at every possible place in my home university. However, with the examination being three months away and many unfamiliar theories, equations and concepts in front of me, I felt desperate. With limited place available at the university, I even rented a small place and studied there.
I wish this could be a story in which I am the genius who easily passed the examination after studying for only three months. But it isn’t. I failed, again.
This second failure sent me to self-doubt for some time. But the craving for being a better self held me up again. I knew it was time for me to prove, to nobody else but myself, that I was a strong woman. If I allowed myself to go after “easier options”, I would always be intimidated to challenge myself and thus lead a boring life.
My other takeaway from this experience is that even if you knew your chances were low, you would still feel hurt when you actually fail, big time. Therefore, I suggest everyone try not to take the “take it easy and just try my luck” attitude toward things. It’s self-destructive. If you have even just a little interest towards something, please try everything you can to give your best game.
My so-called stubbornness led me to my third trial. It’s indeed self-challenge time! I started preparing for the examination in June, right after I finished my Bachelor Thesis. After saying goodbye to my undergraduate friends and classmates, I moved in with a girl sharing the same goal with me. I cannot emphasize more on the importance of your surroundings. Surround yourself by the right people in the right environment, they will act as reminders for your dreams and goals when you are distracted. Vice versa.
After spending at least 12 hours per day studying for five months, I attended the examination. Another month later, I knew that odds were in my favor. I got the chance to attend the screening interview.
This time in the interview room, I conquered my nervousness and showed my skills and knowledge along with my story, the story about my “obsession” with my dream school. Two days after the interview, I was offered the chance to do my master there and start a full-time job as a research assistant before my enrollment day.
With a determined mind and no other backup options, I finally won my self-challenge, so can you.
