S1 • E11 — “Reunion Part One”
Andy Cohen Voiceover: “Tonight on the confrontational 2-Part Real Housewives of London reunion…”
The ladies are sitting down to hash out the events from the first season, and no one is holding back… All the ignorant comments, shocking accusation, friendships turned feuds will be discussed. Who will be able to handle piping hot tea?
The ladies are seen arriving in separate cars as we go through montages of them getting ready.
Christian: “You ready babes?”
Gemma: “I’ve never been scared of a pack of birds, why start now?”
Penelope arrives, Leo opening the door for her and carrying her dress. Scarlett is seen getting ready in her dressing room, posing in the mirror.
Everyone begins taking their seats as a producer starts counting down.
Andy: “Hello everybody, I’m Andy Cohen, and today we’re confronting the first season of The Real Housewives of London with the 5 classy women of London. Hello ladies.”
Penelope: “Hi Andy, you look fresh.”
Gemma: “Hi lovey!”
Yuna: “Hi honey.”
Andy: “So ladies, we’re very thankful that you opened up your lives to us for these past few months. Let’s discuss it and meet the fabulous women of the show.”
Clips of the women's solo scenes are shown.
Andy: “Let’s begin with you Gemma. So did you ever actually meet The Royals? There was a lot of speculation that you didn’t.”
Gemma: “I met the Duke and Duchess. Harry used to be the party bloke so I’d seem him a few times. Only met the Duchess at the wedding, lovely girl.”
Andy: “Very interesting. Yuna, big question for you. What did it feel like being the first Asian housewife on Medium?”
Yuna: “I feel like I had this big pressure on me to really bring it! But I just had to be ME at the end of the day.”
Andy: “What was it about British people that you found so intimidating?”
Yuna: “That accent, and their humor is so different than Americans!”
Andy: “Celeste, Wendy from Brooklyn asks: Do you ever get judged for being with an older man?”
Celeste: “It’s not a fucking raising, darling! It’s very ripe and ready for me at ALL times. And yes I do get judged... By people in this group in particular.”
Andy: “Yuna, how did you hear of Scarlett’s services?”
Yuna: “I just simply Googled wedding planner, and she was the first to pop up.”
Andy: “Penelope, Victor from Ohio asks: if you’re Ella’s godmother how come you didn’t know her age?”
Penelope: “Oh LORD... This is embarrassing. Well, I had lost contact with Gemma because I was busy building my bar and doing this other stuff.”
Gemma: “Oh girl you’re so mad. Like we saw on the show, I’ve known Penny for years. She is one of my daughter’s godparents, but they don’t need to see her every single day. That’s why she has parents.”
Andy: “Penelope, you’ve been very open about your issues with fertility. Do you think you’ll ever try an alternative method to have kids?”
Penelope: “Well... we’ve been successful and... we’re expecting in 9 months with a surrogate!”
Gemma: “She’s going to the BEST mum in the world, no one is as prepared as this girl.”
Celeste: “Congrats, truly love.”
Penelope starts tearing up.
Penelope: “I’m just... it’s something I’ve always wanted and although I can’t have it naturally, I’m so excited to have a baby.”
Andy: “Let’s move on... so Scarlett and Gemma reconnected, and Scarlett had heard rumours of her new friends. Watch...”
Andy: “Scarlett, what had you heard about Penelope?”
Penelope: “Basically Andy she had heard lies. Her sources are fake news.”
Scarlett: “Okay, baldy! Gemma... don’t roll your eyes at me...”
Penelope: “You wanna attack my looks?! You love to tear women down.”
Gemma: “I’ll roll whatever I want. I mean, is it so hard to say ‘my sister made up a lie to sell papers, and I was wrong?’ Is it?”
Scarlett: “I’m attacking your looks or speaking the truth? Are you not sitting on that couch with a bald head?”
Penelope: “You’re attacking the fact that I have a bald head. It’s my choice. Freeing really.”
Yuna: “Penelope shut UP! You tore Celeste down ALL season! You’re a slut shaming CUNT!”
Andy: “Let’s continue. So Gemma brought the women together by inviting them over to her house. It soon stirred up drama though before they even got to know each other. Penelope, do you regret bringing Leo if you knew it would be such an issue?”
Penelope: “Looking back on it, I did see how awkward it was with Leo. I didn’t feel that tension because I am married to him, so I’m around him every day. So I do regret bringing him, and I’m sorry you ladies were uncomfortable.”
Yuna: “It was just odd… But Leo is nice.”
Andy: “Gemma, a comment you got a lot of heat for was when you called Yuna YooHoo. Why did you call her YooHoo?”
Gemma: “Okay for the final time, the ABSOLUTE truth. Scarlett told me her name while I was setting up the event for the night. By the time Yuna got to my house I’d completely forgotten her name. So I pulled something out of my ass. But I do, definitely, apologize. I should’ve just asked her for her name.”
Penelope: “Gemma, you have to admit YooHoo doesn’t sound like a real name...”
Gemma: “That’s why I said it came from my ASS... and I’m sorry! Yuna, I am genuinely sorry for that dumb decision.”
Andy: “Well let’s move on then. Scarlett, why did you say Celeste’s husband was a porn director?”
Scarlett: “I didn’t SAY… I ASKED. I just was curious, but it came off shady so I apologize for that once again, Celeste.”
Gemma: “Literally everything she says is so aggressive… do you think she’s okay?”
Celeste: “No problem, Scar. But let me clear THIS up! My husband and I are ADULTS and what we choose to do in our ADULT life is our business and perfectly fine! Penelope judged me ALL season and constantly bashing me being a former stripper.”
Andy: “Well speaking of judgment, Gemma, Scarlett & Celeste, do you guys feel you judged Penelope and Yuna because they weren’t from London?”
Celeste: “I definitely didn’t! I don’t CARE! Gemma on the other hand…”
Gemma: “I’ve said before Americans can be dodgy to me, like Yuna said, it’s very different humor so there’s sometimes disconnect. But I mean I wasn’t mega bothered, obviously Pen isn’t British and I love her.”
Penelope: “Celeste, I am sorry I judged you for being a stripper.”
Celeste: “Thank you Penelope… That’s all I ever wanted from you. And I’m sorry for calling your husband a wanker.”
Andy: “Let’s move on... Gemma and Celeste visited Scarlett at her home and things quickly came up when Gemma got drunk. Watch.”
Andy: “Gemma, do you regret calling Leo a service animal?”
Gemma: “I regret that I made the joke, absolutely. It was pretty dry and it didn’t come across how I wanted it to. So looking back if I could unsay it I would.”
Andy: “Scarlett also accused you of playing both sides of the fence. Do you think you play both sides a lot?”
Gemma: “I think I was just honest. When Penelope and Celeste argued, I tried to stick up for both and also critique both. So I wasn’t playing both sides, I was trying to be a good friend to both.”
Penelope: “I think I can agree with that. Gemma really wants to be a peacemaker, but sometimes it doesn’t work in her favour.”
Scarlett: “She’s just a fucking idiot!”
Gemma: “Yes, someone who tries to make peace between two arguing sides.”
Yuna: “Awww… Girl bye.”
Penelope: “Bye. Are you leaving?”
Yuna: “Oh not just yet… you two wanna GANG up?!”
Gemma: “Oh PLEASE, you’re Scarlett’s little Minnie. You might as well call her Mickey!”
Yuna: “Oh wow… Her Minnie?! And Penelope is yours.”
Scarlett: “Relax Yuna, they don’t even know each other’s last name!”
Andy: “Let’s move on. During the charity event the ladies confronted the issues going on in the group, but it ended up getting too much to handle. Watch… Penelope, why did you run away from certain confrontations?”
Yuna: “Cause when she doesn’t have a valid argument.”
Penelope: “I just don’t really handle confrontation all that well. It’s really a weak spot of — oh my GOD Yuna, can you be quiet for two seconds and let me speak?!”
Gemma: “She’s just like a little Chihuahua... yap yap yap!”
Penelope: “Andy asked me a question, it doesn’t mean you answer!”
Yuna: “Yep! And I BITE like a fucking pit bull. And yet I answered anyway… What are you gonna DO?”
Gemma: “Please, you haven’t bit once this year!”
Yuna: “But I can right now…”
Penelope: “I’ll interrupt you then!”
Gemma: “Andy, these are the type of animals you have walking around this set?”
Celeste: “There you GO again comparing people to animals.”
Gemma: “Because you’re acting like you don’t have home training.”
Scarlett: “And you do? Bitch you fell in my POOL drunk off your fucking ASS! You shit in it too…”
Gemma: “Oh for sure, yup! Shat all in the pool! Probably upped your property value too!”
Scarlett: “You stinky ass SMUT. Get your husband to teach you some damn manners and respect.”
Gemma: “You are old, you are tired, you are thrifty, and you’re broke.”
Scarlett: “And you are a washed up reality star on another TV show… anything for a paycheck right, Gemma?”
Yuna: “You are washed up, you are high, and you are drunk.”
Gemma: “But Gemma Cosmetics sold out overnight? And how’s that wedding planning business going?”
Yuna: “Sold out? YOU bought them all.”
Gemma: “Honey we’re a publicly traded company, with STOCKS... after like three months! Go check the stocks app on your phone, you’ll see my name!”
Andy: “Let’s continue... Scarlett invited some of the ladies out for lunch and ended up bringing out the rumours she had. But did it work in her favour? Watch… So Scarlett, why had you decided to bring up the rumours of Penelope being a gold digger?”
Scarlett: “Because I had some serious suspicions about this woman… I knew Gemma for awhile and she never mentioned Bald Head. When new people are introduced to me? I do RESEARCH. What I found out wasn’t true and I’ve apologized for that, but clearly there’s something really sketchy between these two women.”
Gemma: “I just wanna figure out why you were saying Penelope was the new bad influence, when I’ve known you about the same time. She was new to YOU, not to ME.”
Scarlett: “You don’t have to trust me bitch… I’m not your FRIEND. Never have and never will be!”
Penelope: “Wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re probably selling stories to your sister.”
Scarlett: “And you’re probably selling your workout videos outside grocery stores like a Girl Scout. You do you and I’ll do me, okay?”
Celeste: “The video didn’t even crack the top 100 on the best sellers list. FLOP!”
Penelope: “My workout video will actually be airing this June! You’re really dumb.”
Gemma: “Simply isn’t even out yet. She’s a liar just like her sister. A shame.”
Scarlett: “And you’re a drunk! I’d much rather be me!”
Penelope: “As is your sister!”
Gemma: “But at least I can make up a good lie! Your shit falls apart with a Wikipedia search.”
Scarlett: “Excuse me?”
Celeste: “Don’t talk about Sophia!”
Penelope: “I said what I said.”
Scarlett: “Don’t… bring up my fucking family. Don’t you EVER!”
Gemma: “YOU BROUGHT HER ON THE SHOW AS A PLOTLINE!”
Scarlett: “Why are you speaking? WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING?”
Gemma: “BECAUSE I’M ON THE SAME SET AS YOU!”
Scarlett: “Sit down and be quiet… your face changed about five times this season, figure that out!”
Penelope: “Go find a wedding to plan.”
Scarlett: “I will and I’ll make another million dollars you broke bitches!”
Penelope: “My bar makes more money than your business!”
Scarlett: “The bar that your husband finances with the money he makes from the women that he pays to fuck?”
Penelope: “No, the money I make while you’re off paying alimony.”
Gemma: “Broke... baby girl I’ve been working since I was 16. You asked to do MY wedding to give YOUR businesses some promo! Scarlett you’ve been picking pennies off the ground since the day I met you.”
Penelope: “Scarlett is so obsessed with my husband cause hers didn’t love her.”
Celeste: “Penelope you are so foul! Stop it!”
Scarlett: “She knows nothing of my ex husband… she’s speaking out of her ass. Or should I say Gemma’s?”
Gemma: “Penelope, NO! Baby if GEMMA had something to say to you, then you’d hear it from GEMMA, okay? And I’ve never spoken on your ex, or anything you haven’t shared on camera. So you say a lot of things but you can’t say that.”
Celeste: “Penelope is influenced by Gemma!”
Scarlett: “Gemma you’re in a prom dress right now… shut the fuck up and let Andy speak!”
Gemma: “And you’re wearing... a drape maybe?”
Penelope: “I’m my own person. Gemma doesn’t affect me.”
Scarlett laughs.
Penelope: “Are you laughing at yourself because you look like a joke. A whole clown.”
Scarlett: “No because there’s a floating bald head talking and it’s FUCKING weird!”
Gemma: “What are these gold little shoulder pads babes? Take ‘em out, you look like a rugby player.”
Andy: “Let’s continue. This season we saw the demise of Gemma and Scarlett’s friendship, and it’s safe to say thing were never the same. So Scarlett, did you do Gemma’s wedding for free because she didn’t have the money?”
Scarlett: “Yes, Andy, absolutely! Her husband didn’t have a job at the time and she wasn’t making any money… I believe they hired some wedding planner and they charged like $15,000? She couldn’t afford it and so she came to me!”
Penelope: “Did Sophia tell you that?”
Gemma leans back and laughs.
Scarlett: “Laugh because you know it’s true… That’s all you CAN do!”
Gemma: “No that one probably came directly from her anus Penny… reeks of bullshit. My taxes are online! We can go see who’s tax bracket is hire lovey!”
Scarlett: “NOW that you and your husband are making money! But I never had to lay on my back to make my net worth go up!”
Gemma: “Now don’t EVER make that accusation about me again! Or we could talk about how before the wedding planning, you were stealing credit card numbers working as a waitress off the East End.”
Scarlett: “I was a waitress absolutely! Made great tips too!”
Gemma: “And then even more from the numbers you penciled down in that notebook!”
Scarlett: “I made my own money from day one baby, something you didn’t achieve until you drilled the last cavity outta your gums!”
Gemma: “I stepped on Page Three when I was 16! A check I got from my pretty face, not my pretty twat.”
Yuna: “Wow, 16? You were doing underage?”
Gemma: “Over here 16 is the legal age for sex.”
Abdy: “Let’s move on... soon after Penelope left from the lunch, she quickly confronted on the joke. Gemma, were you annoyed having to apologize to Penelope so many times?”
Gemma: “I wasn’t irritated because I had to keep apologizing, I was getting frustrated that she couldn’t see how Scarlett left out half the story. Which when you look at the tape, she absolutely did.”
Scarlett: “No I didn’t bitch… when I told Penelope about you calling him a service animal, I asked her about the rumors pertaining to her husband. What the FUCK are you on? What the FUCK are you sipping?”
Gemma: “You’re kind of a liar though Scar. You told her I called her a lap dog but never that YOU were the one out there spreading the rumors about Leo.”
Andy: “Let’s move onto a more personal note... so Scarlett, how long has your sister been an alcoholic?”
Scarlett: “Sophia has been dealing with sobriety issues for the past 10 years, Andy. This is a disease that runs in our family. I actually have stopped drinking completely because I don’t like what it does to me!”
Gemma claps quietly.
Gemma: “Oh please be quiet and talk to your friends over there Celeste.”
Andy: “Let’s continue. Scarlett invited the ladies out to her boat for a day, but the drama on the high seas was not low. Scarlett, were you looking to cause drama by inviting Sophia?”
Scarlett: “Absolutely not... her and I had just got into it and this was more than anything a way to extend a peace offering to HER. I wanted to get her around a group of girls her age to get her mind off the issues she’d been dealing with, but she just wasn’t ready…”
Penelope: ‘And you clearly had a hidden agenda inviting her. After you revealed she wrote I was a gold digger? I think you set your sister up to get attacked.”
Scarlett: “Think what ya want because to be honest? I don’t really GIVE a fuck! I tried moving on with you, bitch… you’re nuts!”
Gemma: “But you did bring your sister into the lion’s den, no? YOU knew you spread the rumor, but she didn’t even know you spilled the beans! You brought her into a situation you knew could go to the left. Some shady shit.”
Andy: “Let’s move on... so Gemma, how did you find out about Ella’s autism?”
Gemma: “Chris and I had been kind of on the lookout on for it for a while. She never looked at us directly, she almost never smiled, she was just so quiet, and almost... she just never seemed like a HAPPY baby. I think she was around 16 months when we got her tested, and yeah.”
Andy: “You are brave for sharing this…”
Sad music plays as we pan over a view of the ladies.
