I’m going to caveat off of this and say that I think it really isn’t so much about dressing. That’s more of a symptom.
We need to empower women sexually. We need to ( and that means fathers) teach that women are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with her sexuality or being comfortable and proud of being sexual. If women are more comfortable and taught that their sex drive is wonderful and powerful, we are strengthening them to better stand up for what they want and don’t want. When we teach women that sex is something to be ashamed of and hidden, aren’t we reinforcing the idea that a woman can’t decide for herself ? That she shouldn’t even ask the question.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen women allow themselves to be molested or sexually harressed because they didn’t know or were too afraid to stand up for themselves. Too many to count. I know many woman that ended up being “raped” because they didn’t know how to say no.
Now, this is going to really piss a lot of women off, but realistically, logically,
If you’re going to claim that you were raped , and you didn’t say no, or fight back, or tell him to stop, you better be checking the way you dress. The way you act. They way you dance. All of it. Because if you’re going to expect our men, to stop, when they don’t know you want to stop, then you better be sending some real clear messages from the get go. To the contrary. ( only in “friendly” rapes ( it hurts to use that term but for lack of a better one) not the violent stranger rapes. Of course)
See I am the only female in my whole generation of family. On both sides. Grew up surrounded by men. And I think that’s major bullshit. Can’t have it both ways. Or shouldn’t have it both ways. Especially if a man is going to be labeled a sex predator for the rest of his life and go to prison for raping you when you didn’t communicate that you were being raped.
But that’s another conversation. And i think, one of my pet peeves. Women just aren’t being reasonable with that kind of expectation.
(We have to teach women to stand up for themselves. To communicate loud and clear what they want and don’t want. We have to. )
What is dressing? It’s a projection of an image. It’s a way to communicate with the world. Most women that are dressing provocatively are trying to send a message more than anything.
I am sexual.
Little girls and a lot of older women don’t even know that.
They don’t recognize that in themselves
Because women are not as sexual as men.
Its a subconscious message.
I am comfortable and proud of my body. I want you to be too.
I’m almost willing to bet — but I won’t because it’s just not all true- that woman who dress provocatively ( and I mean, like stand out provocative ) have dad issues. They are seeking that validation that they didn’t get.
The easiest and quickest way for women to get any kind of power or validation is through her sexuality.
We have that subconscious need because we don’t possess it. I think that it’s really important to take the stigma off women enjoying sex. We need to make that something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
Men affect us , fathers affect us when they objectify our bodies. In a degrading and sexual way. Its harmful.
To lift women up.
Instead of saying — she looks hot. Look at that ass.
She is beautiful, she looks so kind. She is a good mother. She knows what she is talking about. She is so smart. She is so secure with herself.
This isn’t just a man thing. This is a woman to woman thing. Most women when they see a beautiful smart woman who is comfortable with herself are threatened not proud.
It was a great article. Great clarification.
But i just think we need to focus on what matters more. Underneath the clothes. Forgive the pun.
I also think Rape has progressed. Its evolved.
Sure violent and stranger rapes are about control and power.
But rapes are happening on dates , at parties , in frat houses . In gang initiations. Rapes are happening that are not violent. I’ve heard of plenty where women are not even fighting back or saying no.
These rapes are NOT about power and control within the perp. They are sexually driven. Who knows what they are driven by really? But when I see high school football players raping a passed out girl on video and spreading it around their school, those are not about power and control. Those are about sex and not even knowing what they did was wrong!!!
I don’t have any answers on it , truly. I just know that that traditional Rape motivation is about violent stranger serial rapists. I think rape is just not that typically anymore.
Great points in this post. I agree with them all.