I think the reason why so many white people are asking minorities to help them, is because they don’t think they’re racist . Yet minorities are telling them they’re racist for even thinking that. Or especially saying it.
A better analogy would have been,
You want to adopt a kid.
You go to parenting classes, you hang out with kids. You teach a class. You might even go to school and take child development.
You adopt the kid, and the kid has a history of abuse. You send them to therapy , you take them shopping , you feed them, you take them to the park everyday- you have long meaningful conversations , you love this kid, you think you’re doing a really good job; everything you learned put into action.
You’re even proud of who you are as a parent.
The kid looks at you one day and says ,
“I need you to stop hitting me.”
And you’re stumped. You haven’t hit this kid, not once. Shit, you haven’t even thought about hitting the child, ever. You hate child abusers and don’t even believe in reward and punishment —
“What are you talking about ?” , You ask.
“You hit me all the time , i am tired of you abusing me. I know you hit me — I think I black it out on purpose because Ive been hit before.”
Now…: what would any sane person do that honestly cared about that kid, and wanted to do right by them?
What would you do?
If after you searched and searched and still just couldn’t see what they were talking about.
You can’t validate a lie.
What can you do in a situation like that?
You are sort of forced to ask them what they need to not feel hit anymore.
There is no other options.
You have to.
Obviously this person is a little off. They are far more damaged than you imagined . Because it really isn’t about just one person’s point of view- it never is. And anyone who thinks it is, is not mentally healthy.
Both people count. No matter which way you slice the cake … both people have to count. Are just as important .
If one, can’t see what the other is saying at all- I think the kindest , healthiest way to handle that, is to ask what they need to feel better.
And no, I’ve never written you or anyone else on medium to ask what do I need to do?
I’ve only asked that one time. To a friend of mine who constantly talked to me about white people that she thought were racist… and one day I was just like -
What do you want me to do about it?
You know what she said ?
She said -
Tell them to fuck off for me.