I read when you wrote “ that must have been painful for you”
It’s so hard to admit when people don’t like us, that it’s painful. Interesting that it is exactly what it is.
I think , too, for me, so much of my life ( after middle school) has been just not relating .. not relating to the masses, and slapping my forehead in frustration , just like , what the fuck is going on here ?!?
Just not getting it … mostly people .
Really a lot of it has been wondering why they were so scared and so mean and so fucking awful. So dishonest.
I get big lies. I’ve told some whoopers in my youth .. but it’s the living in a lie that astounds me. Being someone that you think the world wants you to be. When it’s just exactly what the world doesn’t need more of, and sort of isolating the people who refuse to assimilate and condemning them for it.
I always used to say , “ Be anything . Be an asshole. Be opinionated , be passionate . Be colorful. Just be honest with me.”
It was just so hard to find anyone , really, that had the strength to be what they really thought and really felt . Even some of the people close to me, couldn’t be counted on to admit their deepest feelings or true thoughts , that disease , that fear . That ego and selfishness was just too powerful .
That need, for love, or attention, or to be liked. That need to be better than. Approval.
It seemed like humanity could be trumped by selfishness , every time.
It’s funny , I don’t even know how this relates but it just came pouring out of me- exactly the way you said ..
It is always so nice to be loved.