A Ennis
A Ennis
Jul 24, 2017 · 6 min read

Till someone you love gets shot on their lawn.

And then when the detectives come in and say, “ luckily we have a camera on your street and we are broadcasting the footage of the perp on tv and getting his photo in the newspaper … we should have him in no time.”

What a strange way to look at the world.

It just struck me so odd that you would feel self pity over that.

What an interesting choice .

If your entire mental paradigm is victim based , everyone is against you and everyone hurts you.

No matter what they do.

We have so much of this today. People interpret things through their feelings and it seems like fact , but reality is a far different story.

Reality is not what you feel.

I just don’t get how anyone could knock a camera on a crime ridden street. Or any street. That is … insane. Selfish. Arrogant. Unbelievable actually.

Part of me wants to laugh. The other cry.

I just don’t get how anyone could associate a camera on the street — esp in a crime ridden area — to a personal , intentional mind fuck by an entire police force.

Do you think that is healthy or real?

And then everyone claps and pats you on the back..

But it is this type of thinking , that even the things we do to try to make a difference and try to change things are seen as an insult, or an attack, that led to this crazy place we are at now. Less compassion, less tolerance and less patience.

It’S like the little boy who cried wolf. He kept yelling wolf, wolf! When there was no wolf because he wanted attention and soon everyone stopped listening to him. He discredited himself.

I guess I am daring to say that many black people talking about race issues and racism in particular, have done the same.

It brings resentment .. because we all know why there is a camera on your street. There is a camera there to help solve crimes.. to bring people to justice. To attempt to deter criminals from committing crimes.

( although I am not saying all cops are good, I believe that detectives want to solve crimes.)

You never know… when they were picking streets to place cameras on, maybe someone driving by, saw you as a child and saw you playing with a dozen friends and maybe instead of hatred , and malicious intention, maybe they thought —

There are so many children on this street.

That is what I would have thought.

But who knows really? Although what I am sure of is that , that camera wasn’t placed there to fuck with your head .

People are scared of violence.

Most people can’t relate to a neighborhood that has more people murdered in it than soldiers dead in a war our whole country fought in for the year or years.

To us, murdering people that much is crazy. It’s insane. It is not employable. It is not reachable . It is not even a place I want to go to work or teach.

It is dangerous.

Why anyone still lives there is beyond me. Nowadays you don’t have to stay in the ghetto. There is so much cheap inexpensive housing in neighborhoods that are much better ones than that one. I get being poor, but what about your tax returns ? Take them and move. Apply for welfare and go back to school , a trade school. Anything to pull you up out of poverty. Go get your GED if you didn’t graduate high school. There are so many options when you want out. Welfare will pay you to go to school, and pay for your child care. Even help with buss passes or gas mileage.

If I had a child, I would move. Period. I would not raise them in a war zone. I would get anywhere away from there . Or get on welfare and go back to school. Shit I would live in shelters and go back to school after I took my GED ( which is exactly what I did with two kids)

America has gone down the drain since the 70s.. as far as policy and benefits and economy. The south side is not the only place where people are struggling anymore.

It is everywhere …

And that is some of it. Shit … that is why most of our country is unhappy and stressed out and we do not have a quality of life.

But that doesn’t turn people into murderers.

I know you think that people look down on that place because it is a black neighborhood. It actually might be more intimidating for most people because of the fact that more people die in that neighborhood than they do in Syria in the war. Except there is no war.

People are killing each other on purpose.

Kids are dying.

But one way to really push people away? Is to blame white people for that.

There isn’t any white people that live there to blame.

It would be refreshing to hear some responsibility being taken .. instead of blaming the white person and the expectation that it’s our problem to solve.

That will just cause more resentment and less action being taken.

If you want help, ask for it.

Sometimes I think that in situations like these, the lack of responsibility is intentional.

Because I think everyone is sort of wondering the same thing. Is something wrong with the people of the south side? Why are kids killing each other all the time. I mean there are straight serial killers there. Walking around. Like it’s normal. Do you have any idea how abnormal that is? To kill people ?

Is there something wrong with people who understand that? That something is seriously, seriously fucking wrong with people killing each other casually? Killing kids?

And the kicker is, even after they die, the killing keeps happening.

That’s terrifying!

Yet I am the evil person to wonder what the fuck is wrong with the people there ?

That is irrational .. not logical and it is too much to ask me to want to go give pats on the back to people that obviously are fucked up from the root — meaning way more than circumstance can help.

And why can’t you bring about the change yourselves ?

All of us have to. Why is it anyone else’s responsibility to do it for you?

Although I agree — this entire country needs change. We need free healthcare, we need free college. We need free child care. We need food vouchers and subsidized housing. We need more time off to spend with our families. We need to be less stressed out.

But right now that isn’t happening.

And too many people have to work and go to school and raise kids and — even I had to live in a shelter part of the time to do it. I was fucking miserable … but I wanted better for my kids and my kids never got hit … my kids never got called a name. My kids had a Mom that loved them.

What I am saying is ….. bad people are gonna do bad things no matter what the circumstances are. Look at trump. Filthy rich and a liar and psychopath through and through.

My husband abused me for 8 years and I didn’t lie about him one time in court… I even corrected a police report that said he was drinking. I refused to lie. Why? I had every reason not to.

Because I am not a liar. And no situation no matter how much cause I have to do it can turn me into a liar or a murderer.

Some people are good. And they don’t turn bad because of circumstances.

Sure in the most heinous of them, like war and severe abuse for years , can cause people to get PTSD and change. But you still can’t turn a person into a liar. Unless they are. You cant turn a person into a serial killer or a person that can hold a gun to an innocent person and pull the trigger.

Something is very, very , very wrong in the south side. Something is wrong with the people who are killing people and raising people who kill people. Till they want to change, there is no hope.

I do know that nothing changes till you accept responsibility for yourself. Till you stop thinking cameras on your street are there as a threat, and start seeing reality about yourself and others.

That type of mind set is unhealthy and it sure isn’t conducive to change. It takes strength to be moral and maturity to be a good person. To not shoot people that make you angry. It takes accountability and a responsibility to the truth , it takes a desire to stop blaming other people for your life and to start being responsible for it. It takes the complete opposite mentality that I see the most coming out of those neighborhoods.

    A Ennis

    Written by

    A Ennis

    Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. Abyssus Abyssum Invocat.

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