12 Ways To Use “Now More Than Ever” In Your Post-Show Speech

We need your reluctant support now more than ever.

“I cannot help but think, as we close the final show of our 12th season of doing exclusively Mamet plays, that we need these fucks now more than ever.”

“Before we let you go for the evening, we’d love you to stay for this 2 hour talkback about how we need your support now…more than ever. Also the doors are locked.”

“Listen, not everything’s on BROADWAY, okay? Those little shits on Broadway…they don’t even KNOW, you know? I sold my PLASMA to produce this show and only you seven people came and now more than ever I need to keep at least a LITTLE plasma in my body so please COME BACK AGAIN TOMORROW.”

“Look to your left. Now look to your right. One of these people will die without having seen our annual production of A Christmas Carol. Is that a chance you’re willing to take? The Cratchits need your help now more than ever. Tiny Tim will be coming around to collect cash donations, and if you don’t give he will hit you with his crutch. Have a safe evening.”

And now, a note from our Artistic Director: “GGAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH NOW MORE THAN EVER AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY” Thank you.

“Our board members said I need to come out here and stress the importance of the arts to you, but specifically our arts. Like please don’t go to the theater down the street as now more than ever we need to sell more concessions than they do so we don’t shut down. Come find me for a bag of stale pretzels at $6 a pop.”

“Now more than ever, the children are our future and our future NEEDS an army of freckled girls who have all played Annie. Give today, as the Annie you see onstage today may have to protect you from militarized police tomorrow.”

“Perhaps we needed productions of Shakespeare set on the moon before, but I think you can agree we need Spacekespeare now more than ever.”

“They don’t…usually let me do the speeches, um…boy…you know? I just…hm…uh thanks for…coming. And uh…turn off your cel — wait that’s the pre-show speech…uh…okay just…now more than ever we…I don’t know, just go home.”

“There is no time like the present to buy a table at our annual gala. Tables cost only $3,500 each. Please consider this *paltry* sum for an event you have no urge to attend. We need your reluctant support now more than ever.”

“Wow what a year, right? Hahaha oh my god, I am kind of terrified! Haha just kidding. But am I? Hahaha honestly, who’d have thunk this is where we’d be, like, as a society? Haha WOW. We need your support now more than ever because I am on the brink of destruction haha BUT REALLY I AM. Jkjkjk but not!”

“If you look in your program you’ll see a small envelope for check donations. No one uses checks so if you could just fold that up and eat it that would be great. Now more than ever we can’t pay for our recycling so please use your mouths.”