Honest Theatre Awards
Best Revival Of A Heartwarming, Ragingly Misogynistic Play From The 50s
Most Traumatic Cast Party
Least Realistic Living Room Set Design, Like, Where Do The Stairs Lead, Greg?
Longest Play
Most Reluctant Standing Ovation, But Some Guy Started It So Here We All Are
The Shorty Award For The Oldest Actor Playing A Child Because They’re Not Very Tall
Actor Who Memorized The Least Amount Of Their Lines
Most Illegal Cutting Of The Script
Best Meltdown Over A Crucible Costume Not Being Sexy Enough
Most Woke Season
Loudest Actor
Most Tedious Fundraising Gala Which Actually Lost Money
Best Tragedy Which Was Supposed To Be A Comedy
Best Comedy Which Was Supposed To Be A Tragedy
Most Questionable Acting Choice
Best Stage Manager Who Has Recently Embraced Meditation To Keep From Murdering The Cast
Best Musical Which Was Chosen For The Season Even Though They Didn’t Have Anyone Who Could Sing Those Songs So It Was Pretty Rough
Largest Number Of Tears Shed Onstage
Worst Backstage Snacks
Most Horrified Face Made By A Playwright While Watching Their Own Play
Worst Puck Monologue
Most Pairs Of Spanx Worn Onstage At One Time — Solo
Most Pairs Of Spanx Worn Onstage At One Time — Ensemble
Broodiest
Most Likely To Slip Their Cast Mate The Tongue During A Stage Kiss, Ya Creep
Most Inspiring 11th Hour Speech After A Disastrous Dress Rehearsal
Least Appropriate Character To Be Played By A White Man But Definitely Was
Artistic Director Most Likely To Just LOSE IT
Actor Who’s Been Auditioning With The Same Monologue The Longest
The This-Play-Isn’t-About-Trump-But-It-Kind-Of-Is-Now Award
The Constant Whistler Award For Extremely Frustrating Personal Habits
Most Uncomfortable Chairs
Best Song Performed Off Key For 3 Weeks By The Director’s Daughter
Longest Pre-Show Speech
Most Fake Blood
Worst Onstage Kiss For Both Parties
Largest Number Of Tears Shed Offstage
Best Headshot That’s Clearly From 30 Years Ago When You Had A LOT More Hair
Most Cigarettes Smoked At Intermission
Best Backstage Argument
Actor With The Most Unsolicited Advice For Other Actors
Most Obstructed View For The Highest Priced Ticket
Shoutiest Director
Most Ill-Fated Hookup With The Sound Designer
Actor Who Has Referenced Their “Feature Film” The Most Times
Least Successful Musical Adaptation Of A Movie From 20 Years Ago
Most Liberal Use Of Vodka On Costumes
Best Actor Who Fancies Themselves A Playwright Without Writing Anything
Most Milked Death Scene
Most Bizarre Re-Tooling Of The Tempest
Theatre Critic With The Most Typos
Drunkest
Filthiest Curtains
Most Hyped Least Interesting Production
Best Scandal Everyone’s Whispering About In The Bathroom
Worst Shakespearean Improvisor
Biggest Ego — Actor
Biggest Ego — Director
Biggest Ego — Playwright
Most Grating Rendition Of “Oh What A Beautiful Morning”
Most Talkative Actor Who Was Once In A Show With A Hamilton Understudy And Won’t Stop Bringing It Up In Casual Conversation