(More) Realistic Theatre Panels

Allison Page
2 min readMar 13, 2017

--

How Come Y’all Always Have Bagels But No Toaster?

Pretending To Be Lauren Gunderson To Get Produced, A Guide

6 Ways To Decorate Theatre Bathrooms To Distract Patrons From The Broken Toilet Seats

Tier 3 In Memoriam: Saying Goodbye To Actors Who Just Went Equity So You Can’t Ever Hire Them Again

How To Start Your Own Awards (That Your Company Is Actually Eligible For)

What Are We Gonna Do With All These Extra White Women Actors?

Can We Use Guilt To Get New Audiences? Yes. Maybe.

Trapping All The Actors We Like In The PianoFight Basement So They Don’t Move To LA

Pills We Can Give To The Audience So They Can’t Tell The Seats Are Straight Up Metal

The Privilege Of Having Curtains Without Holes In Them And How To Check It

Marketing To The Recently Deceased: How To Raise Them From The Dead And Sell Sell SELL!

Can Women Ever Reclaim Lady Bracknell? Let’s Ask These 8 Men

Interpreting Reviews With Impossibly Poor Grammar

Theatre For A New World Where We’re All Screaming Daily & Nightly

Good Lord When’s Lunch

Hip Eye Glasses To Wear To A Table Read And Have Them All Asking “How’d She Get Vision Insurance?!”

Stage Managers Crafting Actor Burn Books For 4 Hours

Second Lunch

Lighting Designers Repeating The Word Gobo All Afternoon Until It Doesn’t Sound Like A Word Anymore

Everyone Shouting The Names Of Collaborators Who Are Dead To Them

How To Put Together The Same Boring Fundraiser Everybody Else Is Doing

A Room Full Of Booze To Dump In Your Coffee

How To Trick Techies Into Thinking They’re Buying Tickets To Hamilton But It’s Actually Antigone AGAIN

Throwing A Gala Without Food

Trading Names And Addresses Of Rich People

Roundtable Of Weeping

Budget Shredding Without A Paper Shredder

How To Reassure Executive Directors That Their Creativity Isn’t Dead

Paying Interns With Pats On The Back And Baby Carrots

--

--