Things I’d Rather Do With The Tax Money I Owe

  • Put it in a blender with some hot sauce and eat it while whimpering
  • Origami chickens
  • Roll it up so it’s all pointy and shove it in my eyes
  • Set it alight and throw it into the sea
  • Summon ghosts with a ouija board and offer them the cash to do fun tricks like possess me
  • Tear it into tiny pieces and glue the pieces to my face like a beard
  • Convert it into pennies and throw those pennies at my own head
  • Shove it into my shoes, walk around all day, get huge blisters
  • Groceries
  • Rent
  • Shampoo
  • Rare books I won’t read but will just prop up against the wall for 40 years
  • Hand it to a stranger on the sidewalk, look them in the eye, and say “Hey. Hey. Hey… Pay it forward, okay? I am a very good person.”
  • Buy 200 pounds of tacos
  • See if I can buy tickets to the restaurant from Hell’s Kitchen and sit real close to the cooking area and send everything back
  • Buy grapes and step on them. Don’t turn them into wine, just step on them.
  • World’s largest caesar salad
  • San Francisco Rent
  • San Francisco Rent
  • San Francisco Rent
  • San Francisco Rent
  • San Francisco Rent
  • San Francisco Rent
  • Liquor
  • Old timey typewriter
  • San Francisco Rent
  • Antique butt sculpture
  • Hair extensions
  • Food for other people ugh why do I always do this
  • Plane ticket to see my family
  • San Francisco Rent
  • Stacks upon stacks of sandwiches
  • Lipsticks palettes
  • San Francisco Rent
  • Ramen
  • Julienne it, toss it in some marinara, pour it down my throat
  • Make bow ties outta it
  • Socks