I know what my source of depression is,

I’m afraid imma settle in to a lifestyle that i see as belittlin,

I’ve seen shit that i don’t wanna see again,

Made me wish I could be the wind,

The truth doesn’t need defense,

So that is why I don’t speak to them,

I play pretend, until i actually forget you,

But not remembering the beauty that had been conceived regardless of me having to leave is turning out to be detrimental,

To my mental, to my emotional health,

I manifested an ocean and fell, faced first, let out all the air I had in my body, and when I touched the bottom I took a deep breath,

The reaches, i had made to ensure our “whatever it was” was secure,

I wound up in this condition from the visions I’d seen before, I never knew, or at least I could never be sure,

because what was told to me and shown to me was nothing more than degradation,

Self loathing, mutual hatred,

Then a manipulation to comb over the toxic situations,

I’m patient, I like to play the long game,

But my patience is running out cause all this time it’s caused pain,

To me,

I wasn’t taught to recognize these things, I was taught that love was nasty, i was taught that it would mean, that I had to sacrifice myself for them, unnecessarily,

Over any and everything, even if it meant that i had to do the shit that was scaring me,

I mean, I meant to say, scarring me.

So after experiencing that I see how it’s hard for me to consider being what I see now as Ideal,

I want these Blocks in my mental healed,

And to Understand that if I learn to accept love that it doesn’t mean that what I fear will become real,

I went soo long without knowing what it’s like to feel, knowing what it’s like to be,

Anything but a perceived human pursuing a dream,

And even then I feel numb,

These accomplishments are becoming meaningless.

  • An Original Poem By Joshua Hampton Also Known As DahhDee