Getting the Cute Girl May Not Make You Happy
In Vietnam I met my ex-girlfriend, a beautiful Dutch girl. Skinny as a model, blonde hair, wonderful face. The moment I saw her I thought, Wow! I’d really love to be with a girl like that. I ended up getting my wish. For the next five months we spent every day together, living in hostels and traveling through Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand.
We drank a lot of beer, had sex in the ocean, on a bus, on a train, on a ferry and in a movie theater. While this was fantastic the relationship actually brought a level of anxiety into my life. I rarely felt like I was attractive enough for my girlfriend. Or, to put it another way, I felt that if she left me I would be unable to find another girl as cute as her.
Objectively that was more or less the truth. She could have found another guy in a day or two. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to find another girl like her. So how did I end up with her?
- She was just getting out of a relationship with a fairly abusive ex-boyfriend who she was sick of. I was and continue to be a nice, decent human being and she liked that.
- Alcohol induced confidence.
- She was found me physically attractive, something that seems to matter less the older a girl gets.
- She was Dutch and had a low feminine polarity.
Put that all together and I had just enough game to pull it off. However, more often than not the only time I felt totally at ease was when we were drinking or having sex. Both of these things happened every day and so the relationship worked. If we had to abstain for a week shit may have hit the fan.
Getting What you Want When You Don’t Feel Deserving
Although it really fucking cool spending time with my girlfriend, it didn’t necessarily make me any happier. The good emotions of having sex with a cute girl were balanced out by the underlying current of anxiety I felt. My inner dialogue would often be,
Oh Jesus, everyone is going to find out that I’m a poser. They’re going to see right through me and know that I don’t actually deserve to be with a girl this cute.
That I’m aware of my ex never flirted with other guys. By any measurement she was an ideal girlfriend. She was even talking about moving to the United States with me and possibly getting married. This was a mindfuck. I couldn’t reconcile her infatuation with my own undeserved feelings.
On a logical level I tried to convince myself that I deserved her, but I never really felt like I did. I knew about game, I’d read dozens of self-help books and was a better human being than I was in college. And I knew that I shouldn’t feel so anxious about being with her but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t change how I really felt. While I loved her, after we broke up there was some degree of relief because I was no longer experiencing the anxiety and worry.
It’s been about a year since we broke up. While I wasn’t then able to fully enjoy the experience, that’s changing. As I talk to more women and get better at game, I’m destroying insecurities. The next time I date a woman that attractive I’ll feel that I deserve her and, crucially, I’ll know that should she leave, I’ll be able to find another girl as attractive.