How I took revenge on a narcissist
Narcissistic abuse is a brutal form of mental torture and yet the only real advice that’s out there in the world is to walk away and go no contact.
Sometimes, if the person you loved wreaked havoc on your life, took you for a sucker and secretly sabotaged your hopes and dreams for months, if not years, that just doesn’t feel like enough. Sometimes you need a modicum of revenge.
If you still have a foothold in their life when you break the spell they hold over you, then it’s spectacularly easy to do it. A narcissist’s arrogance will be their undoing and it’s so, so easy to turn it to your advantage.
When we think about narcissists, by the way, the general consensus is that it’s men who suffer with this personality disorder. Women, meanwhile, are generally considered to be borderlines. But this theory is coming under fire and there are definitely more narcissistic women in the world these days.
Simply put, once you’re in their pocket they just don’t believe you’re coming out. They think you’re a toy to play with and they’ll have no hesitation to spin a number of plates at the same time. The plate is you, sorry…
I knew something was going on and with a little digging around I found my girl’s shocking secret. She was engaged to a man who was away in Africa, working to support his family and coming home occasionally. When he did, we would have a big fight and she would disappear before coming home.
I could have walked away, I should have walked away. But after enduring months of silent treatments, deliberate cruelty and crazy making behavior, I wasn’t quite ready for that.
So I waited for her to come back and my attitude changed. I set her fragile ego off by:
Agreeing to help her and then flaking at the last minute.
Ignoring her for days at a time and just claiming to be busy.
Spending time with other people she had driven off.
Having ‘trouble’ with my phone and making her switch to Facebook messaging.
She knew she was losing her grip on a good source of supply. When a narcissist feels that way, they tend to lose their grip on reality and make mistakes. They panic…
She went on a massive charm offensive, sending me so many sweet messages, like the old days before the sudden attitude adjustment. She sent me provocative pictures and she told me all the things she wanted to do to me.
I let it go for a while, then sent her the details of her husband’s Facebook page, screenshots of our messages, her pictures, everything. I told her I wasn’t going to message him, I was going to publicly humiliate him and show him what a cuckold he had become. So in turn, he would have to humiliate her.
She hit the roof…
There are a few fears that drive a narcissist’s incredibly weird behaviour, but their biggest concerns in the world are:
Exposure and being unmasked publicly.
Being made to look stupid.
Losing control of a good source of narcissistic supply.
This was all of them and more. But I wasn’t done yet. The next part was the cruellest part of all. I did absolutely nothing.
If you expose them, it hurts but they run away and get over it. So I drew it out. I sent her a message every few weeks to tell her that her punishment was almost ready, and that it was going to be perfect. And that is all I did.
Her response was to rip her own life apart. She blocked me on his Facebook and took so many counter measures to the imagined threat that she destroyed her marriage before they even walked down the aisle.
A narcissist is horrendously paranoid, because they know what they are capable of. Simply touching the nerve like this, again and again, is all it takes to send them totally off the deep end.
It wasn’t as satisfying as I thought it might be. In fact it was pretty tragic watching and hearing about a person running in circles like a deranged puppy trying to put out fires that I didn’t actually light. You watch a truly broken person clawing at the walls of their own brain and you almost feel sympathy. Almost…
Your narcissist will always have other irons in the fire, even if things seem perfect with you. If you’re in the devalue stage with you then they’ve already started with your replacement.
You can find out who it is, threaten to expose them and sit back and watch the madness. Or you can do the smart thing, which is actually to walk away.
It inspired me to start my blog and focus on self-improvement. If you’re strong and confident, with solid boundaries, narcissists just bounce off you. They only get you when you’re down, so work on yourself and you might never have to take revenge on a narcissist.
It’s easier that way…