Alphateca — a trading platform where you can find everything. Or almost everything, as yet some goods do not pass the moderation. We made a list of the most unusual ones.
1) Quidditch trainings membership
Harry Potter fans really gather together to play Quiditch (the first Quidditch World Cup was held in July 2012). As you can understand, it has almost nothing with the original wizarding game described in J.K. Rowling book. Fans imagine flying on broomsticks scoring Quaffle, weaving in and out of Bludger and catching Golden Snitch.
Nevertheless, Alphateca administration rejected placing Quidditch trainings membership. The main reason was that the description says it sells REAL, WIZARDING QUIDDITCH, but everyone knows that WIZARDS never tell Muggles about their existence. So, the service was declined.
2) Sex party with Sesame Street heroes participation
You have never been a child unless you like Sesame Street. Alphateca administration used to be children and still love Kermit the Frog, Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Big Bird and other heroes of the show. Still their love is either too weak to admit placement of Sesame Street sex party participation or too strong to take all of the invitations. The moderators explained their decline with the fact sellers did not provide with the trademark permission to use images of Sesame Street heroes. But who knows…
3) Guinea pigs mining farm
If you are a big fan of guinea pigs as well as our administrators, we should warn you some shocking news are above. At first view, a pending item on the Alphateca platform was quite common. Mining farm — not a big thing. But later on, Alphateca moderators read the description and instantly were being fed with ginger cookies and hot chocolate. The thing is that the seller suggested using cute guinea pigs for mining. The most daunting was the warning: “Notice, the body temperature of guinea pigs is about 100 °F, so prevent them from overload to avoid explosion”.
4) Mattew McConaughey tears during “Interstellar” shooting
Sure, Mattew McConaughey didn’t take the Oscar for his Cooper role in “Interstellar”. Moreover, he was not even nominated for the movie awards. But it’s so trivial when you became a real memes’ star touching hearts of millions. And this is it — a real recognition and apex of an actor career. While Mattew was rejoicing at his own popularity, unfair fans decided to hype and place a flask with his tears collected during the “Interstellar” episode shooting. The seller rejected giving a DNA proof — so we have no idea what liquid these shams are selling.
5) Oil deposits map of North Korea
As far as we can know from mass media, there is nothing good but Kim Jong-um hairstyle. So, as soon as our moderators noticed a pending item “Oil deposits map of North Korea” they were surprised and immediately googled “Is there oil in North Korea?”. Google said “no”, so the placement on Alphateca was declined. However, if both the moderator and Google were wrong and there is oil in North Korea, we would ask to send the map directly to Kim Jong-um. Perhaps, Kim can spend oil profit on making the same trendy hairstyles for every citizen of the country.
6) Novichok alternative recipe from improvised materials
Be honest, do you wish for someone’s death? We are sure that your answer was “no”. The same cannot be said about the users who wanted to place Novichok alternative recipe from improvised materials on Alphateca.
Firstly, our moderators had doubts if peanut butter, hair conditioner and several other mass-market ingredients ( which will not be named for safety reasons) can make something similar to what was developed by Soviet scientists. Secondly, who knows, maybe it can be so…
7) Tesla Quadra Smartphone
If Elon Musk signed up for Alphateca (if not already so) and posted Tesla Model X, SpaceX flight or his mini-submarine, they would easily pass our moderation. But, the Tesla smartphone Quadra, which appeared on moderation a few days ago, caused doubts among our administrators. Maybe because it hasn’t been produced yet. And Alphateca is against any counterfeiting. So, Elon, when the official sales of your smartphone start, we will be glad to see it on our site, as well as you among our users. If you have any difficulties with working on our website, you can always ask for help. Our support are the friendliest guys ever.
8) “Game of Thrones” final season script
This product did not pass the moderation for several reasons. Firstly, no one, including Alphateca administrators, likes spoilers. Secondly, even if we assume that this is a real scenario (which we doubt very much, since work on it has not been started yet), we do not want to violate the law and thereby cause the anger of Daenerys. We don’t know what you think, but we definitely do not want to fight with dragons. Of course, we have Alphy the Bull who will help us to win, but we do not encourage any violence. So, hold your breath and wait until the final season is released.
9) Holy water
Alphateca administrators have nothing personal with holy water. On the contrary, they appreciate that with the help of holy water you can get rid of evil. But unfortunately, the sellers who placed Holy water on Alphateca couldn’t provide with any authentication. And we don’t want Alphateca users to get into trouble. Just imagine: you are standing in front of a vampire, you have run out of silver bullets and someone broke your stake. All you have is a bottle of holy water. You sprinkle it on a vampire , but the water doesn’t help. If you’re lucky one you convert into a vampire. But who wants to be like Edward and Bella?!
10) Kangaroo-taxi patent (transportation in the kangaroo baby carrier)
Alphateca user from Australia turned out to be smarter than the Uber engineers and created a Kangaroo-taxi project. The idea is to use kangaroos and their baby carriers as a means of transportation. At first glance, the idea is no good at all. The maximum speed of kangaroo corresponds to the maximum speed on urban roads in Australia — 35 m/h. Yet, Alphateca administrators were troubled by the fact that this kind of transport isn’t humane enough. So, they decided to decline the service on our marketplace.
