The Battle of the Century: How to Get Beat by Sesame Street
Welcome back to The Battle of the Century! I hope everyone made it through yet another week of alternating between existential dread and sullen boredom, and for those of us not binging Ozark I hope you’re okay too.
(Ozark fans I’m joking! Laura Linney is a national treasure and was deeply robbed in this bracket)
Your votes have been received and tabulated, all 107 of them, and the 128 Best TV Characters of the Century are about to become the 64 Best TV Characters of the Century. This is going to be long AF so let’s get right to it!
Sitcom Region
#1 Dwight Schrute (71) DEFEATS #32 Dee Reynolds (28)
I haven’t seen Always Sunny, and I do think Dwight is spectacular.
Dwight is one of my least favorite characters in any TV show. Boom.
Hot take: Dwight was the only truly good person on that show.
Lord in heaven may Dwight Schrute not make it far.
I just, love him.
Dee is a bird and birds aren’t real
Dee is literally a magestic unicorn that everyine underrates. She is evil Elaine Bennes and is still somehow emotionally resonant in a way Dwight could never
Fact. Dwight Schrute cannot be defeated in combat.
When Dwight wins, will it be because of the normies, or because of the sexists? (Answer: both)
Easy pick for Dwight. The Office>>>Always Sunny
This would be an ez upset if it weren’t for all the mindless plebs
surprisingly close for 1 vs 32 but like not actually that close
Dee you b*tch
Poor Dee. Never stood a chance.
Dwight is overrated as hell
You may not know this about me, and I hope we can still be friends, but I don’t like either of these characters, but I hate IASIP more.
[IPT: We can probably still be friends but I’m going to need some time]
Lol so below I describe my issues with blonde women characters but here I’m actually voting for Sweet Dee. Probably bc her character is always the butt of the joke on the show (in a way that they are aware of and play with) and I like an underdog.
Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!
Sweet Dee ❤
#17 Andy Dwyer (52) DEFEATS #16 Troy Barnes (44)
Tough tough… Troy and Andy both lovable idiots. But Andy was just a little more goofy and loving
Troy and Abed in the mooorning
Super close, but my love for Community is too strong.
Network connectivity problems won’t stop me from voting for Andy
Troy and Andy are fairly similar characters, but Troy has a pathos that Andy doesn’t
Troy is magical realism, Andy is a delightful manchild
I legitimately find almost every aspect of every mocumentary painfully unfunny. The worst of the Marvel Chris bunch is no exception.
I really liked pre-hot Chris Pratt.
Troy Troy the Wonder Boy
I’ve been wanting to watch Community for a while, and coronacation might finally be my chance. So, here’s to hoping future Nellie still loves Andy Dwyer more so I can continue to be a good statistic.
[IPT: #sixseasonsandamovie #troywasrobbed]
#9 Charlie Kelly (62) DEFEATS #24 Frank Reynolds (25)
oof
Brutal to lose one of these two early
both nightcrawlers in the same match?
This one was hard
Oh this one is painful. I’m sad now.
Why would you do this to us
[IPT: Just boredom, mostly]
I have never seen this show, but Danny DeVito.
Danny Devito has a special place in my heart, but he is disgusting in this show.
Nearly impossible to decide. But if you’ve seen the early episodes of this show, you know that Frank added a whole new dimension to the show that really made it take off.
#8 Lucille Bluth (54) DEFEATS #25 Ben Wyatt (42)
I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.
Easy. Ben Wyatt is not that great of a character, just funny things happen to him. Lucille Bluth is an ICON and that character is just so perfectly scathing
I’m imagining these two in a room together and it’s great
[IPT: Lucille Bluth plays Cones of Dunshine]
I’m sorry Ben :( You’ll always be my favorite but Lucille is objectively better :(
This one hurt. I love Ben so much.
I too, just love him. And also one day want wedding vows that are similar to his and Leslie’s.
TBH dunno who Ben is. Lucille ftw
F*cking LOVE Lucille
“Go see a Star War”
#4 Leslie Knope (73) DEFEATS #29 Titus Andromedon (24)
LET’S GO TITUS. If he loses I’ll go on such a face journey.
Leslie Knope 2020
This match-up is unfair to Titus.
Parks and Rec is really overrated imo. Titus has a flare for the dramatic that simply cannot be matched. He is selfish and maybe the opposite of Leslie Knope but that is a trainwreck you really love to watch.
Unfortunate match-up for Titus here, he’s great
sorry titus, i just don’t know who you are…
I loooove both characters.
In an upset I’m picking Titus!!! His song about teeth is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Ultimately Leslie is kind of a one note character??? Like I’m glad Leslie is in city government but she’s not my favorite part of that show.
While Titus is phenomenal, Leslie’s weird compliments for Ann will always be my favorite.
I love Lester Kanopf
#13 Raymond Holt (61) DEFEATS #20 Larry David (29)
Raymond Holt is probably my favourite in this bracket. Okay, possibly.
Larry David for the win! He’s easily one of the best sitcom characters of the century.
Holt is best part of Brooklyn 99
Larry David will (should) take it all
pretty pretty pretty good
Love both, but Larry David is really playing himself
Would have preferred Marty Funkhouser — Bob Einstein is the best
Yas qween.
#12 Jim Halpert (52) DEFEATS #21 Jason Mendoza (45)
I will probably always vote against the Office, because despite being a good show, its parts are less than the whole.
Ew Office, ew.
Ugh. I love Jim.
Jim Halpert is sooooo overrated. Once he marries and has a kid he turns into kind of a d-bag. Jason Mendoza is just so lovable and stupid and hilarious how can you not fall for him?? Even a not girl, not human like Janet can recognize his charm
When you have an expression named after you, you know you’re doing something right.
Jim is a douche
Another tough one. I’m in middle of binging the good place, so that took it.
I’ve never seen The Good Place, but I doubt that it’s as good as The Office was.
This is a very tough one because Jim is an “audience proxy” character so we empathize with him and see the world through his eyes, but Jason is like interesting and wacky and funny. Jim is just a guy.
Every time I rewatch the Office, Jim gets cringier and creepier
I worry about Jason.
Jason made a strong push to come back in the second half but Jim wins with the buzzer-beater
JORTLES
[IPT: This one actually WAS very close the entire time. Personally I think the “Jim was actually a douche” hot take misses the point of Jim — he was never supposed to be “the good guy” he is the “everyman”. And every man is a douche. So they nailed it.]
#5 Liz Lemon (70) DEFEATS #28 Marshall Eriksen (27)
LOL
Liz Lemon is boss
Not big on 30 Rock.
I hate himym but I don’t care for either
I don’t know Liz that well but my sister loves her which is enough for me
this is a tough one… Marshall was the only HIMYM character i nominated.
I can’t believe I voted against Marshall. Sorry, buddy.
This hurts. Why do you do this to me?
not even close
High fiving a million angels
[IPT: “Workin’ on my night cheese” is worth Sweet 16 and I won’t hear otherwise]
#2 Ron Swanson (77) DEFEATS #31 Dennis Reynolds (22)
Painful
Ron Swanson will probably win this one, but I’m less sad about that as Ron Swanson is the best part of that show.
Dennis’s placement in the bracket has not even begun to peak
Gotta go with Dennis
I’m Ron f*cking Swanson.
Give me all the bacon and eggs you have
Dennis is a golden god
Bacon
[IPT: Savages and Idiots, all of you]
#15 Michael (The Good Place) (54) DEFEATS #18 Red Forman (42)
This is tough but Red Forman is an OG so there ya go
Lowkey want Michael to win, but at the same time I gotta rep for one of my first sitcom favorites.
Red ❤
Lol how did Red get in here
Red threatened to stick a boot up my ass if I didn’t vote for him.
hell yeah 70s show
I don’t know who a Michael is but I hate Red.
[IPT: Bad luck, Red]
#10 Eleanor Shellstrop (56) DEFEATS #23 Tobias Funke (43)
I love Kristen Bell but Eleanor is not the real star of the show. Tobias steals every scene in arrested development and I guess I just really love trainwrecks
I kinda think Tobias is a bit overrated! He’s sort of the same joke every time.
Gobias Koffi. Best sims character and reference ever.
Gotta love a never nude.
Dunno who Eleanor is, but I’m guessing she isn’t never nude
Ok between this and Leslie I’m seeing I have an issue with white blonde women characters 😬 I think I judge them too harshly because I see myself in them??? Which is probably just my internalized misogyny!! 😬😬 Either way I don’t like Eleanor!
[IPT: We laughed, we cried, we examined our own internalized misogyny. The Battle of the Century really had everything, didn’t it?]
Again, haven’t seen The Good Place, but I doubt that it’s as good as Arrested Development.
Fork!
[IPT: You blue it, Tobias]
#7 Abed Nadir (55) DEFEATS #26 Gob Bluth (34)
tough match up but gotta go Abed
This matchup makes me cry
I can’t believe he’s #26… C’mon!
Abed is great, but I don’t think he’s the Community MVP (that’s Troy)
Abed is the GOAT
I’ll be very sad if Abed doesn’t make it far.
Tricks are something whores do for money Michael
Donde — esta — la biblioteca…
Coolcoolcool
#3 Michael Scott (71) DEFEATS #30 Hal (Malcolm in the Middle) (26)
Oh my god! Okay! It’s happening!
The Office is overrated but Michael Scott’s ignorance has made for some truly unforgettable tv moments. Hal is nice but I barely remember this show
Both are deeply flawed people, but come on, it has to go to the thoughtful and somewhat complexly-portrayed father with the capacity for growth
I’ll vote for Michael here, but can’t let him win again
Michael should be #2
Ew Office, ew.
Walter White got a terrible matchup
I’ve actually seen Malcolm in the middle, but I do really like Hal
Love Hal and MITM, but this was an easy choice.
I don’t think you know this story, but the year before we met, I got black out drunk and on my way to my friend’s house, whose place I would stay at the weekends, I slammed my face on the sidewalk on and got a concussion. His brother, who was watching Malcolm in the Middle in the living room, tells me that I laid down on the couch and when the theme song started, I started yell/screaming “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME NOW.” (*If this happens to make the next publishing, I DON’T need the credit*)
I will never unsee you doing the Scarn. :)
[IPT: Follow me on tik tok @t_party_ haha nah just kidding no not really please follow me]
#19 Chidi Anagonye (60) DEFEATS #14 Barney Stinson (37)
This is a hard one….
UGH! Sorry Chidi.
Love NPH, not so much in this show tho.
I will vote for any character not from himym. But especially not Barney because wow what a complete tool
A toss up. But Barney is one of greatest all time characters.
How the f*ck did Barney even get into the tourney?
[IPT: Clearly not enough people read this extremely active blog]
#11 April Ludgate (69) DEFEATS #22 Pam Beesly (29)
This one is going to start a war
I love both, but Pam had more depth as a character.
This is a matchup, but April is Iconic
Ew Office, ew.
I am April.
I just, love her. And have a crush on her.
Pam Beesley is so boring and overrated I don’’t understand how she got so many guys to fall for her especially not all time king of romantic gestures Jim Halpert. But April shines against almost any character in her own right. Nobody does dark and dry like Aubrey Plaza
This was also a very tough one but in the end I’m going Pam!! Both of these characters are kind of the heart of their respective shows, but Pam is the more obvious heart. I love April but…it’s gotta be Pam.
April is #1 forever the end.
Aubrey. F*cking. Plaza. ‘nuff said.
I like what you did there. Two similar characters.
[IPT: Again — I am reading the words that someone else wrote]
#6 Janet (The Good Place) (57) DEFEATS #27 Rosa Diaz (37)
Ooooooooof
I want to be Rosa. I feel like she doesn’t really care what people think, yet is a passable decent human being and loves dogs now that she has a dog.
If anyone harms Rosa, I will kill everyone in this room and then myself
Janet is probably the best character ever conceived. Like, an appliance ends up being the best character ever I don’t know how you pull this off but it’s amazing and I love not her
Love them both :(
Wow this one makes me sad
Oh you monster. You, you… you FIEND!
Dammit. I love Rosa so much as a character, but how can she go against the all knowing Janet.
Also hard!!! The Good Place is tough to compare to other sitcoms bc it’s so much more fanciful. A lot more character quirks.
I apparently need to watch the good place
not gonna vote here, I guess I can add these shows to my to watch list?
[IPT: If you start right now you should be able to binge them both before this bracket is over]
And that’s the first round DONE in the Sitcom Region! No doubt some tough losses suffered already here, but the 2nd round is shaping up to feature some heavyweight bouts. Take a look:
Drama Region
It may come as no surprise that the closest match-ups and biggest upsets of the entire bracket came out of the Drama region, where one match-up came down to the very last vote cast. But you all had a lot to say, so let’s waste no more time:
#1 Buffy Summers (59) DEFEATS #32 Rust Cohle (27)
Omg such an unfair match-up.
Rust is good but Buffy is revolutionary
Buffy’s a favorite to win this whole thing ngl
How does McConaughey not win here
Buffy really shaped who I was as an 8th grader. And the fanfic I wrote.
Rust wins and it’s not close. does that make me a bro? what is going on with buffy?
#TeamBuffy
I never watched Buffy!!! But I’m not voting for Rust LOL
Can’t go against The McConaissance
These rankings are ridiculous
time is a flat circle
#16 Steve Harrington (51) DEFEATS #17 Lorelei Gilmore (43)
Another tough call here — both great characters in totally different ways
I love Steve but Lorelei is more foundational
Steve “The Hair” Harrington, half of the best duo on TV
Steve is one of the best characters in Stranger Things
Stranger Things is overrated.
This one hurts my childhood. I think newer shows are going to have the advantage. Just throwing that out there.
I don’t understand the Gilmore Girls even though it is a guilty pleasure. Like…they live in a town where everyone adores and worships them for being messy and annoying? Okay??
I mean, she raised Rory, which isn’t the best credential because she turned out to be kind of a bitchy hot mess in the Netflix Gilmore Year thing, and taste in men (stop going back to Christopher the douche) aside, she made something of herself after leaving home a young mother and is super quippy.
#9 Dr. Gregory House (52) DEFEATS #24 Cersei Lannister (43)
Why couldn’t either of these characters been matched up with the literally 100 characters that I feel nothing for?
Love Dr. House.
I wish I could tune out season 7–8 Cersei from my mind. I almost can, really.
Both had terrible last seasons that showed zero character growth.
Never seen House but Cersei is a good character even though she’s evil
Cersei set a whole-ass place on fire whereas Gregory House, a man of much more restraint, merely has flame decals on his cane to make himself look cool WITHOUT harming others — I think we know who the real hero is
Book Cersei would have a chance, show Cersei…not so much
didn’t enjoy reading Cersei chapters
*cringe emoticon*
“Dr. Gregory House” Lolololol
#8 Arya Stark (66) DEFEATS #25 The Child (26)
I feel bad for voting this way cuz Arya is a bad ass but the child is just SO. CUTE.
tf is the child
It’s pretentious of you not to say Baby Yoda
Who wouldn’t vote for Baby Yoda???
This one is evil.
Yeah, post season 4 Arya will definitely lose to baby yoda. Sorry pre-season 5 Arya.
Baby Yoda is great. Also, finally a match I’ve actually seen both shows in!
F*ck, I need to watch The Mandalorian. Why haven’t I yet?!?
This is stupid and cruel. I need more seasons to make an informed decision.
I don’t care if it makes me a capitalist slave, I love Baby Yoda and I would die for him
[IPT: We could have had Arya vs. Cersei!!! Except that would just remind me that there was no real conclusion to their arc ughhh that show was a mess]
#4 Willow Rosenberg (44) DEFEATS #29 Elliot Stabler (42)
Willow is probably my #1 Buffy character.
Willow ❤ One of my all time favorite characters.
She had ISSUES (dark willow was scary as hell) BUT kind of justified, and also her relationship with Tara was pretty awesome until it wasn’t.
[IPT: Stabler came agonizingly close to a major upset here, but Willow held on in the end to keep Buffy’s winning steak alive]
#13 Jimmy McGill (46) DEFEATS #20 Olivia Benson (45)
I love Olivia but Jimmy being this low is a travesty
Jimmy McGill ❤
S’all good, man!
F*ck you omg this is so unfair
Some shows shouldn’t go on forever.
Both great.
[IPT: And in THE closest match-up of the 1st round, Benson joins Stabler on the bench. We were THREE TOTAL VOTES away from a potential Benson vs. Stabler showdown! I know that Willow and Saul are both highly deserving characters, but BENSON VS. STABLER c’mon]
#12 Jim Hopper (51) DEFEATS #21 Don Draper (38)
This quadrant is upset-heavy. Don Draper, though I hate him, one of the best characters on TV (in early seasons)
Don Draper suuuuuuuucks
Another easy choice. Don Draper is one of the best characters ever written.
stopped watching mad men after that dude starting cheating on Alison Brie
One punch sheriff
I do think Hopper is kinda overrated, and is kind of an unremarked upon asshole (and not in a charming way)
God, I’m so glad Hopper is alive. If this is a spoiler, why haven’t you watched the new trailer?!
[IPT: Seriously it’s been out for months]
You’re gonna kill Don Draper because you spelled the title wrong? Weak
Mad Med! (Sorry I’m being rude)
TYPO. Wtf.
[IPT: My master plan is complede]
#5 Walter White (73) DEFEATS #28 Gus Fring (13)
Super Awkward pairing… lol
Heh, climactic entry.
I mean, this matchup is too good to be true lol
I’m curious if this is the only match up within the SAME series?? I’m shocked that didn’t make an editor’s note because I ‘Ctrl-F’ed my way through that part
[IPT: It’s not!]
Can I deduct points from people instead of voting in favor of them?
Tough decision. Both are great, but BB is Walt’s show at the end of the day.
Poor Gus-Gus.
Breakout role here
I am the one who knocks!
#2 Jesse Pinkman (62) DEFEATS #31 Jaime Lannister (30)
S3 Jaime has a chance, S8 Jaime does not
Jaime got ruined in the final season
Yeeeeeaaaaahhh man I wish I could drown out the ending to this character. Holy f*ck was he close to being salvageable. RIP season 1–3 Jamie.
I’m going for the underdog and ignoring the last season of GoT completely.
He had his moments. Most of them not great. But still moments.
B*tch!
#18 Dexter Morgan (64) DEFEATS #15 Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) (26)
OoooOooh battle of the tortured killers
Also a totally unfair match-up.
I view Angel in Angel differently.
Angel was SO BAD on Buffy, at least on Angel we was slightly less so
He’s hotter. Yeah, I went there.
Angel is just the blandest hunk of Wonderbread ever committed to film
I don’t hate Buffy, I just know that show bouta makea clean sweep.
#TeamBuffy
Sigh. Siiiiigh. The whole sex/moment of true hapiness thing really sucked though.
[IPT: Down goes the first Buffy character, for those keeping track]
#10 Omar Little (47) DEFEATS #23 Peggy Olson (32)
Hardest choice so far.
Never saw TW, thought about it, saved it to my watch list, but haven’t gotten around to it.
Omar might be my favorite character in any drama ever
Omar is better than a 10 seed. way better.
Love you Peggy, but Omar is the only representation The Wire is getting.
A man must have a code
Omar comin
Why is Omar the only character from The Wire on this bracket or on the Ringer bracket? Whither my man Bodie? Bunk? Michael??? Griggs? Ziggy? (jk Ziggy’s a nightmare) But seriously, no McNulty? No Stringer? No Wallace?? Where’s Wallace, String????? Where’s WALLACE????
[IPT: This comment is the new full name of the bracket]
#26 Jessica Jones (59) DEFEATS #7 Rupert Giles (31)
Never got past episode one of JJ.
I’ve seen JJ
I never really got super into Jessica Jones’s mood
#TeamBuffy. Plus Jessica Jones is overrated.
This is all identity politics to me. Girl Power and all that
Sexy librarian (yeah, I said it) who is all about research and saving the world but also has a bad boy past. Need I say more?
Bad draw for Jessica Jones, who might just be my second-favorite of anyone in the Drama region
[IPT: BuffyWatch 2020: Buffy and Willow — In; Angel and Giles — Out; Spike….]
#30 Count Olaf (50) DEFEATS #3 Spike (40)
I love NPH’s spin on the character, and I don’t want him to get, like, totally curbstomped by Spike.
My sighs are even more than with Angel. I was obsessed with Spike during my formative years.
An NPH role I can get behind.
This was painful
Ick on both sides
Same story line, different vampire. Ugh.
I’ve seen 30, but didn’t think he was that good
Olaf the Snowman is hilarious. Why is he in the drama category?
[IPT: And in the biggest upset of the tournament, upstart #30 seed Count Olaf becomes the true vampire slayer, driving a stake through the heart of our controversial #3 seed]
#14 Veronica Mars (47) DEFEATS #19 Dr. Cristina Yang (38)
Its too early to have to choose between these two!
Love me a smart and ambitious woman who don’t take shit from no one with intimacy issues
what is happening
Both icons, but I’m voting Dr. Yang
I’m so over Grey’s Anatomy.
Veronica Mars ❤
V MARS ALL DAY BABAY
Sigh. Just let him love you already!!!!!!! I’m still not okay.
[IPT: With this win, Kristen Bell is the only actor to still have two roles in the Round of 64 — while Neil Patrick Harris and Bryan Cranston both won with their dramatic roles, their sitcom characters were defeated]
#11 Eleven (49) DEFEATS #22 Galina “Red” Reznikov (38)
Red’s good. Eleven’s good too! But Red’s gooooood. (But it should have been Taystee.)
Poor Red… Red has more depth and intrigue than 11.
Millie Bobby Brown GOAT
Eleven is like an okay character in that show…sorry. Red is incredible and is ranked too low!
Really… Eleven was #11? Call BS
#11 Eleven…gtfo
[IPT: #11 Eleven, make a wish, miracles do happen y’all #blessup]
#6 Tyrion Lannister (58) DEFEATS #27 Sansa Stark (31)
another incredible matchup haha
Another super awkward pairing.
This was tough much in the way that Charlie vs Frank wasn’t.
[IPT: Terrible, take a lap]
This is not a cool match up. I’m voting for Sansa to make me feel like a better feminist
Sansa is the worst. Fight me.
Poor Sansa :(
Sansa sucked less in the end
To the queen in the North! She is a queen.
If Sansa pulls out the W i will riot
I may be the world’s only Sansa stan, but I will always be a Sansa stan
I feel like this one is obvious. I hated the ending where Tyrion was like “Let Bran be King!” But everyone hated the ending
Oh, well this answers my question from an earlier Match. Let’s see how this one plays out, Cotton.
[IPT: To honestly answer the most common question I’ve received— nothing about this seeding was rigged. Walter vs. Gus, Tyrion vs. Sansa, and Eleven being and #11 seed were all happy coincidences]
That finishes off the Drama Region! That means we’re halfway home! Take a look at your 2nd Round match-ups:
Animated Region
Alright, you still with me? Barely? Same, let’s do this.
#1 Lisa Simpson (78) DEFEATS #32 Marge Simpson (17)
AND AGAIN. The crowd goes wild.
Simpson on Simpson crime. Not close, as the seeding suggests.
Marge is always the most humanizing element in The Simpsons
Marge is the best of the Simpson characters, fight me.
I like Lisa
Sorry Marge.
Marge is a gem and she deserves better
“Grade me! Look at me! Evaluate and rank me! Oh! I’m good, good, good, and oh, so smart!”
LISA VOTED OUT HER MOM!
[IPT: Everyone is upset about Marge being underseeded, but no one is talking about the real crime: Maggie Simpson not even on the bracket!]
#16 Kim Possible (51) DEFEATS #17 Katara (41)
This one literally breaks my heart. 2 of the strongest animated female characters of all time. Damn you bracket seeding
Ooh, very tough call here
This was rough.
both mary sues but one has more depth
I LOVE KATARA SO MUCH OMG
Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me. Except we don’t call people anymore, nor do the kids know what a beeper is…but she really did rock that cut off shirt thing before any of these kids.
[IPT: Tough blow for Avatar fans, and it won’t be the last….]
#9 Squidward Tentacles (55) DEFEATS #24 Helga Pataki (39)
oh shit, great matchup here. Squidward by a hair!
Helga is such a completed character just trying to figure out her emotions and navigate the tough city streets.
Helga will prob lose and that’s deeply unjust
Move it, Footballhead. Also, that shrine was creepy.
That episode where Helga sees a therapist still makes me cry.
The therapy episode is one of the greatest episodes in cartoon history
Squidward may be the defining character of the animated world, deserves all the respect and love he can get.
Squidward deserves nothing
Bracket is cancelled if Helga fails to move on, she is like a genuinely wonderfully written character who taps into some REAL SHIT for a kids’ show and I am shocked at the voters underrating this
I identified with Helga as a young’n and I imagine I’ll be close to identifying with Squidward as a oldie.
[IPT: Bracket is not cancelled but pour one out for Helga]
#25 Bert (47) DEFEATS #8 Zuko (43)
Bert also deserves nothing
Oh nooooo COME ON ZUKO. You’re redemption arc is still the standard we hold shittier stories to!
Gold Standard for redemption stories
Zuko is f*cking fab
Zuko also a heavy favorite in this bracket, imo criminally under-seeded
I’m so glad I just watched Avatar.
Sesame Street is not animated sooo
This is not a fair matchup, Zuko is better but Bert deserves to be in the next round
[IPT: And in the biggest shocker of the tournament, dark horse Bert just barely snags an upset over fan favorite Zuko — and I try to avoid questions about how Sesame Street got sorted into the Animated category]
#4 Homer Simpson (63) DEFEATS #29 Cosmo (31)
Oooooh this is close.
tough matchup for cosmo
Cosmo kinda gives me the creeps
Homer’s funny. Is he special? I dunno.
I love Fairly Odd Parents. Not a big Simpsons fan, sorry not sorry.
Were they picked to face each other because they’re both morons? Haha.
Both idiots, but Cosmo’s an endearing, well-intentioned idiot instead of a selfish windbag
The opposite of Doh!
#13 Patrick Star (52) DEFEATS #20 Gene Belcher (41)
This is an insane match up
This was not easy
why would you do this to us? barnacles!
Oddly appropriate
Wow, these are almost the same person…
INTERESTING MATCH. The “dumb” one of a triad!
Never loved Gene.
Gene Belcher is underrated
Gene’s always been 4 or 5 of the Belchers for me, but 4 or 5 of the Belchers beats Patrick Star
I haven’t seen Bob’s Burgers. Please don’t hate me.
#21 Uncle Iroh (49) DEFEATS #12 Paprika (41)
Voting paprika for a friend
Poor Paprika.
Now is the season of Paprika detractors’ discontent. Get it, “season”, because paprika is a seasoning, and also because TV shows…. have………. season…..s….
Paprika smells like Uncle Iroh’s flip flop
Paprika was one of my favorites growing up! So cute
COME ON IROOOOOOH!
#TeamBluesClues
If peppers bastard daughter wins this round I’ll be so upset I mean how does a salt and pepper make peprika???? Where’s the mailman
Don’t remember Blue’s Clues. I’m old.
Uncle iro is the best avatar character.
Iroh is Best-o
Did you know paprika just means pepper? Probably ask Pat for more information though
Ooooh. Eliza is not goona like me.
Sorry Eliza, my loyalty to Avatar cannot beat your campaign for paprika
[IPT: To my dear friend Eliza, leader of the Paprika Army — I’m sorry]
#5 Bart Simpson (63) DEFEATS #28 Daria Morgendorffer (27)
OMG, I totally forgot about Daria!
I hate this pairing. Daria doesn’t stand a chance but she deserves so much better
I mean, it’s Daria
I am not a Simpsons fan
Do the Bartman!
[IPT: So the potential Homer vs. Bart match-up in the 3rd round is enticing, but don’t sleep on the Bert vs. Bart potential in the 4th round. Now we just need a Bort to round it out.]
#2 Tina Belcher (60) DEFEATS #31 Perry the Platypus (25)
AGENT P!
He’s PERRY! Perry the Platypus!
Hoping for a Perry upset
I know this is going to be unpopular, but whatever.
Sorry Perry, you’re cute an’ all, but Tina is life.
Sorry, Perry. Still love you, bro.
My spirit animal is Tina Belcher
I feel a weird affinity to Tina…I mean, my middle school self does…
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#15 Pikachu (59) DEFEATS #18 Bobby Hill (34)
This may have been the hardest choice for me
tough matchup
Pikachu is iconic but come on. Bobby Hill is legendary
That’s my purse! I don’t know you!
I will never forget Pikachu healing Ash with his tears in the first Pokemon movie
I choose you, Pikachu!
That Pokemon ain’t right!
My daddy says butane is a bastard’s gas
#10 Spongebob Squarepants (53) DEFEATS #23 Philip J. Fry (42)
Again, oddly appropriate
these matchups are brutal
Ah Fry should be way higher
I definitely think Spongebob is kinda overrated!
[IPT: The voters disagreed in this round — all 3 Spongebob characters advance to the next round!]
#7 Aang (52) DEFEATS #26 Arnold Shortman (34)
Don’t hit me, I hit me, I’m crazy!
He’s just kind of an old man in a kid’s body.
Aang does an amazing thing and makes the “chosen one” archetype actually interesting, compelling, and defeatable
You missed the ending parenthesis there. How much does that hurt?
[IPT: You have no idea]
#3 Louise Belcher (54) DEFEATS #30 Ernie (37)
As a fellow rubber duck enthusiast I really hate voting against Ernie :(
Rubber ducky, you’re the one!
Louise>>>>Tina for me
Obviously Louise
Omg my daughter would kill me but Louise is bae
God, imagine these two together? The chaos, the unfettered chaos that would ensue…
Ernie’s always getting the short stick to Bert. His name even is said second. Have you EVER heard anyone say Ernie and Bert?
[IPT: I’m here for this take and the results of this tournament are just further proof]
#14 Linda Belcher (48) DEFEATS #19 Toph (40)
I think we know why I’m doing this at this point.
This is such a tough choice between the two, but I gotta go for the woman who invented metalbending
[IPT: A surprisingly tough run for Avatar, losing 3 of its 5 characters out of the gate.]
#11 Bender (62) DEFEATS #22 Hank Hill (30)
Bender deserves nothing
Hank will turn Bender into a propane tank.
At least you tried, and for some coaches these days that’s good enough
[IPT: rip the Hill family :( gone too soon]
#6 Bob Belcher (53) DEFEATS #27 Tommy Pickles (36)
The heart and soul of Bob’s Burgers
I gotta vote for the token Jew on this one. It’s all about representation.
In this house we love non-toxic masculinity
Why aren’t there any characters from Recess on this braxket
[IPT: Louise Belcher is lined up to potentially take out both her parents in succession, don’t say I never gave you nothin’]
And that’s the Animated Region! A strong showing from the Squarepants, Simpsons, and Belcher clans, less so from our group of dynamic Benders (except the actual Bender, who did advance). Can wild cards Pikachu, Bert, and Kim Possible disrupt this family affair?
Reality Region
Last and probably least, we come to the Reality Region. Survivor fans, look away.
#1 Anthony Bourdain (72) DEFEATS #32 Shubham Goel (23)
Tony Bourdain isn’t a character, he’s a goddamn inspiration
Shoooooooby ❤
Shoobie doobie doo
Shooby ❤
SHOOBY
Jesus when will this survey end
[IPT: Mood]
#16 Carrie Underwood (55) DEFEATS #17 Joey Sasso (28)
I hated Joey and by the end was rooting for him so hard
No Circle.
HEY! CIRCLE!
Joey may very well go all the way if I have anything to do with it
Sometimes you just need Jesus to take the Louisville slugger…wait…
Joey has a Tik Tok now fyi
[IPT: JOEY WAS ROBBED]
#9 Kelly Clarkson (59) DEFEATS #24 Jennifer Hudson (25)
She got robbed!
Still salty she got robbed
Know her more from The Voice, worthy of votes.
I shudder at the thought that we live in a world where anyone cares about these people.
#8 Guy Fieri (57) DEFEATS #25 Richard Hatch (30)
I think I actually saw that season of Survivor.
I don’t watch Survivor but Guy Fieri is obnoxious af
I’m sorry. Don’t really know how to vote on survivor peeps. forgive me?
Guy Fieri is so underrated. He’s such a positive, loving soul who isn’t afraid to be himself.
I hope Guy Fieri falls into a vat of hot oil.
Oh hell yeah let’s go Guy
That hair! Those shirts! Those restaurants! Those trash can nachos!
#4 Ken Jennings (78) DEFEATS #29 Vinny Guadagnino (9)
Based on principal alone.
Brains over brawn *shrug*
F*ck The Jersey Shore
Ken’s got the better Twitter account, Vinny’s the one who’s actually a reality star
Vinny made it but not The Situation? Un-f*cking-believable. Vinny is the whiniest, most self-centered narcissist that thinks that everyone cares about the most mundane details of his day. He expects his loyal fans to get riled up and angry at service workers on his behalf for not f*cking reading his mind and pouring the most perfect amount of steamed milk into his goddamned drink. He’s a big baby that gets a pass because he was the most normal and relatable of the cast for about three episodes spread out over the span of the seasons. Everyone seems to forget the times that he was just as big of a tool, if not more, than the rest of them (Except perhaps Ronnie because NO ONE is a bigger tool than Ronnie). I can only assume that the people that voted for him over The Sitch either lack critical thinking skills or are not following these people or their recent endeavors. The Situation was put into a disgusting position where MTV was essentially fueling and encouraging his raging addiction for the ratings, putting his health, his life, and the safety of those around him at risk. He f*cked up and yeah, there are consequences for that, but now living a sober life with his little family and is perhaps the only person out of the bunch that came out sane. NOT f*cking VINNY. Where is the character development for Vinny? In the trash, where he belongs. But I’m voting for him because who tf cares about Jeopardy?
[IPT: Okay I’m like 90% sure this is performance art]
#13 Parvati Shallow (42) DEFEATS #20 Ethan Zohn (30)
I don’t know who either of these people are.
I haven’t watched survivor since maybe season 4 (I know I know), sorry!
I have never seen Survivor, how did so many Survivor people make it
I feel disadvantaged not having watched much survivor….
Surprisingly close choice, because I like both.
Why…. why must life do this to me
People have the weirdest hate-on for Parvati in Survivor fan communities, I guess because she isn’t Cirie. There’s room to love them both.
[IPT: Survivor fans, let’s hold hands and cry together]
#12 Ted Allen (44) DEFEATS #21 Jerri Manthey (35)
I love Ted’s random little quips
Jerri still has one of the best stories of any survivor contestant.
Ted Allen, the original Queer Eye guy. Yeah, I remember.
#5 Tan France (56) DEFEATS #28 Britney Haynes (29)
It is interesting that Tan is the only one of the fav 5 to make it, but he did so well.
Tan shouldn’t be the only Queer Eye person in here
#28? More like #1
I love Tan. How could you not.
I like the Number 28
Tan, while not my fav Fab Five is a treasure. A TREASURE!
#2 Gordon Ramsey (78) DEFEATS #31 Colin and Christie (10)
Gordon Ramsey is kind of a scuzzball, but I have no idea who the others are
Gordon Ramsay is a f*cking donkey, and he’s not nearly as good of a chef as he pretends to be.
He scares me.
Have you seen him with kids? Love him. Yeah, adults be stupid.
#15 Heidi Klum (48) DEFEATS #18 Omarosa Manigault(32)
Auf Wiedersehen!
Heidi was better on America’s Got
The Trump White House is basically a reality show
#10 Carole Baskin (48) DEFEATS #23 Will Kirby (37)
I don’t think Tiger King is a reality show. It’s a documentary.
Carole Baskin murdered her husband.
Maybe he just ran away from her…
If Carole wins it’s recency bias!!!
So sorry Dr. Will
#7 Cirie Fields (42) DEFEATS #26 Alex Guarnaschelli (35)
Love Alex, but Cirie is my GOAT
I like a bad-ass boss chef.
She always brings a certain I’m better than you vibe that gets me.
ALEX GUARNASCHELLI ALSO OF CHOPPED (where my Chopped Heads at?)
[IPT: Cirie is the only Survivor player to win a match-up not against another Survivor player — LEGEND]
#3 Simon Cowell (60) DEFEATS #30 Angelina Keeley (24)
Simon is Iconic, but did he climb 100 feet to get an idol?
Angelina is better than any lippy britt any day
Simon’s objectively more important, but he’s also an irretrievable twat
Poor Angelina :(
Anyone but Simon!
horrid and ungodly match-up, you will burn for this in the afterlife. i say that not as a threat as i have no control over such matters and not even out of spite, it is merely a fact clear as day
#19 Julie Chen (40) DEFEATS #14 Jay Manuel (33)
Tyra should be here instead of Jay
Yeah, I used to watch this hard.
#11 Sandra Diaz-Twine (50) DEFEATS #22 Courtney Yates (22)
Ok, this truly kills me. These are my 2 favorite survivors of all time. I AM CRUSHED
Rice and beans in the first round matchup??? Oy
Rice and Beans </3
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Omfg this hurts. Gonna vote for the upset because Courtney deserves love
Courtney ❤
#6 Joe Exotic (44) DEFEATS #37 Sammie Cimarelli (37)
F*ck Joe Exotic and f*ck everyone acting like he’s a anything other than a huge piece of shit
Sammie’s probably my favourite in The Circle
Painful!!!!!!
This hurts to answer, too.
idk who sammie is but joe tried to kill a woman so
Looking forward to watching this whole thing progress! Thanks for doing it!
[IPT: No, thank you!]
Well that was a journey! Take a look at your 2nd round match-ups in the Reality Region:
Finally, it’s time to cast your vote! Here is the ballot for the Round of 64. Thank you for reading, and happy voting!
Why would you do this to us
oof
