KatieMae, I could have written this letter myself — it exactly expresses my experience with a primary family member. It took me years to break through the rationalization…even though I knew something was not “right”, from a very young age.
In my case, I had no warnings from others. This is because the disorder (NPD) has been passed down to the generations, becoming an acceptable and “normalized”, family system, dysfunction.
In my adulthood, only a few years ago, after experiencing a new chapter of the disorder with this important family member. I thought we had a mutual, very close and bonded, relationship. But suddenly, after 2 decades, I was discarded. No reason given (if a reason does exist that could actually rationalize discarding one’s daughter). This is when I began to see the connections to my past; and understanding the pathology.
My closest of family members have remained in denial and have become supporters of the dysfunction. Mainly, by accepting false, versions of incidents, including slanderous depictions of me. They don’t question it. They remain silent and maintain the dysfunctional system by looking the other way. And, do so with conviction, “unaware” of what makes them involved, and innocent of any wrongdoing. They expect me to go, along.
I really appreciate your post of this letter. More than I can express. It is very validating and I sincerely, thank you.