Dear step-mom…

It’s time to let go of entitlement mentality

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Disclaimer #1 I’m a step-mom.

Disclaimer #2 I’m a birth mom.

Disclaimer #3 This article is in reference to situations where mom is active and present and raises her children. I understand that sometimes this isn’t the case. So to be clear again, THIS article is in reference to the situation where kids live with and are raised by their birth mom.

Dear step-mom,

When it comes to your step-child(ren) you are not entitled to anything beyond respect from them. You’re not their mother, nor will you ever be. It’s not the role God placed you in. If you were meant to be their mom you would have been; but you’re not, you’re their STEP-MOM. You’re their step-mom because THAT is the role God placed you in.

Let’s get into the stuff everyone wants to avoid.

If you have issues with your step-child’s mother then it’s time to look within, the issue is probably that your trying to force a role that you feel entitled to but you just aren’t entitled to it, you just aren’t. It’s time to get over that. Entitlement issues are likely the root cause of your struggle with your stepchildren and their mother. This is even more true if your stepchildren live with their mother and visit their father (visitation schedule).

Search the Internet…you will find article after article and meme after meme of a “woe is me” step-moms. You will see the birth mom slandered left and right and accused of all sorts of chaos, and even falsely accused of alienation. What about the birth moms dealing with a step-mom with entitlement issues? Where are the articles and memes on that? Hmmmm….

It’s so taboo…no one wants to talk about it because it’s cool to ignore facts and just play victim. Playing victim gets more attention. How quickly is gossip spread when compared to praise?

It’s not that the legit good birth moms who raise their kids with a solid value and moral system aren’t out there; it’s that they aren’t the ones blathering on and on about their woes. Step-mom, please, get over yourself.

I have a great relationship with my stepchild and her mom. How? Simple, I know my place. I’m not my step child’s mom, I’m the STEP-mom. I’m an extension added into her life, and she into mine. I GET TO play the role of a friend, and maybe even a mentor, who knows. The reality is, I get to enjoy my stepdaughter without having to worry about the role of a mother; her mother takes care of that role. I GET TO be the step-mom!

Before you get all hung up on the butt hurt philosophy about the word step let me put it into perspective for you. Those who are married, you have in-laws. Let’s say for this example both of your parents are in the picture and you have a great relationship with them. All of the sudden your Mother-in-law demands that she is your mom and not your mother-in-law, and she should be just as important, if not MORE important to YOU than your own mother. Whoa!!! Slow down there lady.

“In-law” is not a bad word and neither is “step”. You’re just an addition into the life of another and they are an addition into your life; embrace that beauty, and for the love of all that is good and holy, stop trying to shove yourself into a role that does not and will not ever belong to you. It’s not meant to belong to you; it’s just not; and that’s okay!

I am sure there are a lot of moms, and even step moms out there who understand what I’m saying. It’s really not rocket science ladies…it’s being a decent human being. It’s being self aware of who you are and who you are not, and more than that, being totally happy and at peace with it!

Step-mom, 90% or more of your issues with your stepchildren’s mom are YOUR issues and YOUR issues alone. Get over yourself. What good do you think is coming from your behavior?

Let’s looks at what is possibly being or could be caused by your entitlement behavior:

  • unnecessary tension with birth mom
  • unnecessary tension now happening between birth dad and birth mom
  • unnecessary tension with your stepchildren
  • a breaking down of YOUR marriage
  • a breaking down of your husband and his child’s relationship
  • unnecessary court appearances because mom has had enough of your crap and the children are suffering
  • years robbed from everyone dealing with the repercussion of your insecurities and entitlement issues
  • children of blended families never feeling like a family because of the tension your entitlement created
  • PTSD in the children
  • years the child spends in counseling learning how to cope with your behavior

Seriously ladies this list could go on and on.

This whole Step-mom martyr and entitlement mentality and behavior needs to stop. Do you ever realize how EASY and JOYOUS your life would be if you just knew your place? There would be no drama with the birth mom or your stepchildren. Everyone benefits!! Everyone.

However, with the martyr and entitlement behavior and mentality you have, guess what…NO ONE benefits. Read that again!!


Is that who you want to be? The person who caused more chaos in people’s lives? The person who stirred up tension where there was none?

Reality fact: My step child’s mother talks to me more than my husband. TRUE STORY!

If you can’t say the same or similar…then before you start blaming the MOTHER, look at yourself first. Chances are more likely that YOU are causing problems that never existed before. Stepmom, you’re probably not the first woman that’s been with your now husband since his separation with mom…if those ladies had a good relationship with mom; guaranteed…you’re the one stirring up the drama stew.

But it’s an easy fix.

Ready for a solution?

Ready to be straight with yourself?

Ready to live a happier fuller life without unnecessary chaos and drama?



Stop it!

Let go of your entitlement mentality; and your entitlement behavior. If you’ve done or said negative things to anyone about mom, you need to go and admit your wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. Do your best to turn your wrongs into rights.

Before you bring up what mom has said about you I am going to stop you; maybe her words were harsh, maybe they were true, maybe they weren’t true. Guess what? She wouldn’t have any reason to say them if you didn’t give her a reason to. Doesn’t make her words right, but guess what…you need to deal with YOUR issues, not hers.

It’s time to accept and embrace this…

You’re not mom; and that’s ok! You GET to be step-mom!! That’s amazing!!! What a great gift!!

It’s time for you to back off of your pursuit of a title that is not yours; instead embrace the title that is…step-mom!

Since this is a hot topic I’m going to reiterate my disclaimers for THIS article.

Disclaimer #1 I’m a step-mom.

Disclaimer #2 I’m a birth mom.

Disclaimer #3 This article is in reference to situations where mom IS active and present and raises her children. I understand that sometimes this isn’t the case. So to be clear again, THIS article, THIS ONE, is in reference to the situation where kids live with and are raised by their birth mom.

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