Coming to terms with pain takes a long time and is hard. Letting it out takes longer and is harder.
This is my experience on the 3 stages of pain.
On recognising pain:
I was in rehab twice earlier this year and did a lot of work on facing trauma and depression. Since then, I’ve been seeing 2 therapists on a regular basis, and take 5 different types of medication to get me through the day and night. This has been going on for 6 months and it’s only now that my depression has taken another turn. For me, rehab is like waking up in bed and what’s happening now is like taking a step out of bed, which is a good thing, but it’s fucking cold.
With depression, there’s a stinging, unrelenting sadness that follows you around. It feels like you’re in a House of Mirrors (which is horrifying anyway, without the whole depression thing) but there’s no exit and there’s no Justin Timberlake. You’re just forced to stare at awful visions, not of yourself, but of the pain that’s in you.
Then the pain begins its transformation. It starts off as a tiny ember of coal. It burns for a short time then explodes. Once the explosion goes off it never ends. It’s like hopelessly trying to put a jackinabox back in its box. So now you’re sat in your room, surrounded by pain and you have nowhere to put it. You could call a counselor or a friend…
