A girl with a really loud soul, but a really quiet presence.

People often misconstrue me being quiet and shy as me being rude or proud. It is something I’ve battled with since I was a little girl. That’s probably why writing has become my outlet. I can actually express who I am and how I feel without my fears and anxiety getting in the way. In reality, I’m actually just a small town girl, working really hard to make something of myself, make my parents proud, and contribute some good to the world, while dealing with this anxiety of people not liking me.

I try really hard to be kind. So, it breaks my heart when people think I’m the complete opposite of what I actually am because of how shy and quiet I am. I actually used to think something was wrong with me; I still do, but I’ve just accepted it. I probably could be a little more outgoing; maybe I might have some more friends, maybe people wouldn’t think I was a bitch (yes, I’ve been called that before), the list of maybes goes on. I tried to fix myself. But eventually, I started to break down. I gave up altogether. I gave up trying to talk to new people, make new friends, do new things. I gave up because I was tired of putting myself out there just to be misconstrued all over again. I can’t help that my face looks so serious, or that I talk super soft, or that I just rather sit and listen than constantly chime in on the conversation. But, that does not mean I’m a bitch, I’m a snob, I’m mean, or I don’t care. It means I’m quiet, I’m shy, and I’m an introvert.

All of this made me anxious too. I would be (and still am) so afraid of how people perceived me. I have to constantly deal with this internal battle before social gatherings. I basically have to give myself a pep talk- “just be yourself, talk about what you like, it’s going to be ok, it’ll be a good time.” Crazy, right?

I will probably never be the loud, outgoing, life of the party type. But, if you actually took the time to get to know me, you would see a girl who has dreams that are bigger than her; a girl who loves little kids because they don’t care if you aren’t super talkative, as long as you love them; a girl who has so much love to give to everyone who will let her love them; a girl who can sit outside on a swing all day; a girl who loves to give to people or do things for people because it makes her feel like she contributed to their happiness; a girl with a really loud soul, but a really quiet presence.