I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s not easy and reading this just brought back some painful memories. My dad is also dying.

I’m an international student living in the US, 7 years now. My family (dad) lives in Grenada, the Caribbean. I’ve been home once (2011) before my my dad got ill (2014).

My dad was rushed to the hospital exactly 2 weeks before I started my Masters degree. I was in Oklahoma and he was home. Both my mom and brother told me not to worry he’d be fine, they kept a lot of information from me. My dad was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. It was brought on by years of drinking (he also suffers from depression, and self medicated by drinking).

Anyway, it wasn’t until I started school he was rushed to New York to seek treatment when I realized how seriously ill he was. Eventually my mom took time off from work to be with him. Then my brother did. My mom thought we should all be with him. I still remember the morning my aunt (his sister) called me to tell me my dad might die. I was getting ready for class, she started off normal convo, giving an update, then she just burst into tears, and I stood frozen. She kept apologizing saying that she had enough time with her mom and she’s sorry I wouldn’t have time with my dad. I was shaking. I got off the phone missed my bus, and without thinking walked to school (I lived off campus).

It took me exactly 1 hour and 15 mins to get there, all the while thinking “What I’m I supposed to do if he dies? I don’t understand what i'm supposed to do, I’m only 24?!”

I had to take time off from school to see my dad in NY, and he wasn’t the man I knew. He was 46 and looked 86! He was skinny! Skinnier than I was, and my father was a big guy. He was much darker, he wasn’t my father. He couldn’t eat, talk, walk, nothing and sometimes he didn’t recognize us! I remember trying to get him to eat and he didn’t, I left the room. I went out into the hall to get a blanket for him from the nurse and I lost it. I started crying so much. The nurse had to get me water and led me somewhere further to sit and calm down. That outburst started happening frequently.

Sorry this is so long…..I didn’t intend it to be.

But he’s no longer in the hospital, he’s much better than those days. But anyday could be his last. He has good days, when he can do things and bad days when he can’t even leave his bed. I’m still here in the US and he’s back in Grenada and every phone call I get my heart skips a beat, afraid it may be bad news.

The thing is I wish I had spent more time with him, and I regret that I’m not with him now.

“Time lost can never be regained”- Unknow

Spend as much time with him, otherwise you’ll regret it. Sorry again for the long babble. But I want you to know you’re not alone in this, I wish your dad a speedy recovery and more time together.