Stop treating yourself like a consolation prize
Your default setting is not āin a relationshipā. It should be āperfectly fulfilled exactly as I amā. You are not just some interim stop-gap, unchosen and left on the shelf by a string of suitors who deemed you unworthy.
Life is not a selection process awaiting someone to crown you good enough to start living. You shouldnāt be merely going through the motions of what you tell yourself is an as yet mediocre existence.
Flying solo is not a predicament, secondary to a situation outside your control. ā¦
When you call something a job and everything turns into meh
I Striped you and felt half devoured like a discarded sandwich. I sent you an e-invoice and you didnāt understand how to press a button and process a payment. The branding, formatting and colour scheme of all my digital paraphernalia is meticulously coordinated with my website. I know you didnāt notice. You still havenāt paid me.
We exchanged a good five or six emails worth of drafts, explanations, writing samples and other fluff. I neglected writing about radical positivity and the universe, since I was busy telling the internet ether about alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh how it bored meā¦
The conscious choice only you can make
Accepting accountability is about owning our mistakes. This is not an exercise in shifting blame from someone else to us. This is about recognising and addressing the need for inner work. As supposed adults, we tend to run away from ourselves and find it far easier to play the blame game, than to question our choices and behaviour.
Blame implies we are owed something. We tell ourselves there was an injustice and it must be put right somehow. Accountability shifts the mindset from victimhood of something done to us, to the recognition we chose and enabled it.
Thereās paradoxical therapyā¦
I deviate from my usual viewing itinerary on Netflix now and again, to pop my head out of my mole hill and see what the world is doing. Iām reminded of why this makes me feel bad pretty much every time.
I watched a documentary on climate change. The opening scene showed an orangutan hitting the bulldozer that just mowed down its home. Then thereās a colony of 11,000 flying foxes, wiped out from being unable to withstand the forest heat. Conservationists trawl through their tiny corpses to pull away the screeching babies clinging to their dead mothers. They rescuedā¦
Choose your battles wisely
Do not argue about ridiculous everyday annoyances. Learn to not sweat the small stuff and let those minor blips fall by the wayside. Particularly if youāre cohabiting, you need to accept the enduring truth that your SO is not and never will be you. Why would you want them to be?
This is the ridiculous notion we seem to have in relationships. You are sharing your life with a human being who has entirely separate principles and behaviours. That does not necessarily make them wrong and you right.
They can never be an answer to anything lacking in your self-worthā¦
Is he an opportunistic pathogen?
He said he liked that there was a āvulnerability about meā. This is 2019, I want to be Queen of the Andals, not the sodding Arctic Shelf. I asked, vulnerable how? Like the petroleum basins of South America? Like an unstable economy ignoring anti-merger laws and enabling BATs and FANGs? Like a prostitute in White Chapel during Jack the Ripperās heyday? Like those kids in Derry Maine, where Pennywise the demon clown is forever trying to entice them into storm drains with big red balloons?
Help me, Mr big strong man, Iām vulnerable!
Pfffft. Do me a favour.
Ladies beware
Thereās somethingā¦
Self-improvement vs. self-sabotage
When we feel guilt for our behaviour, it is rooted in our conscience and acts as an inbuilt mechanism to tell us we should correct a mistake. This is an effective method for us to learn, adjust our interpersonal skills and strengthen our relationships. Guilt is logical cause and effect, I can fix x by doing y.
Shame on the other hand, is a more profound and chronic reaction, inflicted or felt through a perceived sense of catastrophic failure attached to who we are. We tell ourselves any remedy would be unattainable, out of reach, not within our capabilities. Shameā¦
If you have to ask, you already know
Well my lovely, letās start by addressing the fact that if youāre posing that question, then he probably isnāt into you. Now allow me to explain why you really shouldnāt give a shit.
There are 7.6 billion people on the planet and āthe oneā is definitely not a thing. Or rather, it is a thing, but on an innumerable level. You have a whole bunch of the ones, so donāt sweat losing one highly unlikely one.
Ready for some tough love?
Bad advice
Thereās a lot of fluff out there about this sort of thing and Iām going to be brutal inā¦
Stop being mean to it
The world is blowing my mind with how obsessed with aesthetics it has become. Let me put it this way, I moved away from civilization three years ago and when I came back after the Instaperfect boom, I was shocked by the way people looked in bars, clubs, and just everyday life.
We have gone cosmetic surgery and fakery mad. Social media is absolutely littered with contouring and butt building, implants, fillers, collagen, botox and nip tuck everything. When will it end?
Mirror therapy
Stand naked in front of a mirror every day and train yourself to stop honing in on areasā¦
Raise your vibration to create the life you want
Societal and cultural influences tend to impose an obligatory life template on love. We are taught to seek āthe oneā and dedicate ourselves to an endless pursuit of a perfect love. This is a terribly misguided principle, as the only āoneā we ever have is our self.
We are sold the illusion of lack, as this makes us faithful consumers, and extends to the ways we live and relate to one another.
We are our own answer, but we are conditioned to believe our salvation lies in the hands of another. ā¦
Amara Love š«
Rambles about spirituality, love, feminism & science | Appreciator of swear words.
