Nma, I had A Dream.

-Nma, I had a dream

I can’t tell if it was a good or bad one

Perhaps it was a message from the ones that do not sleep and watch over me

Maybe it is my evil thoughts trying to permeate my happy place as they do when i’m fully awake.

-I was being chased by familiar spirits

Future and past spirits

You see, since I began to discuss every little thing that resides in my mind

In hopes that I could escape from the heaviness, I have not known the peace I seek.

-I didn’t pray immediately like you taught me to after a bad dream

It brings solace and I’m scared to admit I would like to stay this way for a while

Instead I’m drowning in sounds of the people that feel God’s grace

‘Amarachukwu’ , I should feel his grace.

-Nma, I killed a man in my dream

I woke with fear under me like a spring pushing me up

I hoped silently that I had not harmed those around me

I’m scared of myself. For myself.

-I realised I have no one to hold me. To protect me. To rock me back to sleep.

I was trying to help someone dear to me, I think

I’m disturbed at how easy it was for me to jam the scissors in his side

Didn’t bother me in the slightest bit.

-I wanted to hurt him

I wanted him to live

I wanted him to pay

I wanted to see him bleed, dead even.

-I’m saddened because I don’t have control of my thoughts

The voices inside my head feel so real

Too real

They make me cry then go quiet when I start questioning my sanity. Who will answer my questions?

-Nma, I was choking in this my dream

I woke up just in time. When I was inches away from my own demise

Filled with the sour taste of my dinner from the night before

Desperate for oxygen.

-I’m afraid to return to sleep, to see how it ends

I’m afraid because this is the first dream i’ve had in months

Or the first one I can remember

It’s stupid because the characters were actors but a sense of closeness played in the air

-Nma, I saved a child

Her father was trying to kill her mother

Trying to kill her

But it feels like I saved myself

She was me, she was mine.

‘Nma’ — mother (Igbo language)

‘Amarachukwu’- God’s grace (Igbo language)