That’s what I’m feeling. My friend just recently got a copywriting job at an agency in New York. I have another friend who just recently moved to New York to find a better job. I was actually just filling out my second friend’s Creative Circle Reference Request which prompted me to write this.
As my friends are moving on to doing wonderful things in their lives and careers, I can’t help but be jealous that my career is slowly coming to an end. Yes, I have friends who have told me that’s it’s not over and you can be a working mom (duh, yes I know this), but I don’t know if I’m prepared to work that hard for it.
I’ve been psyching myself up for career-hunting in Austin for years. I’ve wanted to move to Austin for YEARS to get my dream job and when I finally move here, I become pregnant, I rush into a job in fear that no one will hire me with a visible bump, and I’m stuck with a depressingly unfulfilling job that doesn’t even offer free breakfast tacos on Tuesdays. What the hell, man. I was prepared to sell myself as a young creative with experience that will take me far, but now I have to change that sales pitch. I’m a mom who recently took a break from work to, you know, raise a human being. Now, I must find the stamina to take care of my little one and do volunteer work or take classes, so I have something to show for during my time off. Even if I do find an awesome agency job, I will then have to prove to coworkers and maybe even cutthroat women that I am worthy of this job while making sure that baby is taken care of and he’s eating well and he has his favorite toy. It’s a lot to think about and I don’t know if I’m ready to do it yet.
And yet, there is so much to be thankful for. I am happy that this belly baby is currently healthy, that I am living in Austin, and I have a supportive husband. However, I still want that career, I still want to make money, and I still want to have that dream job. I don’t know when I’ll be back on the job market and who knows that I would want to when I have the baby. Babies change you. Did you know that? It completely changes your life. Yeah, go figure.
My immediate plans (or maybe dreams) are much smaller now, hoping that I can snag a freelance job or contract job after the whirlwind of delivering a baby. I hate to think that the baby is a bump in the road instead of a milestone. I am so insanely happy that I will have a baby, but it still doesn’t erase my desire to have a career. I know you can do both, but it’s going to be a tougher journey and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to cut it.