Two weeks while you were in my belly

In about two weeks, I’ve watched our country experience its lowest lows and highest highs and I thought about you, little buddy.

When I heard about the Charleston shooting, I was so scared. I was afraid for you and of you and I was afraid of the world that you would be growing up in. I wanted to hug you, even though you’re a little nugget of a human being in my belly and tell you that there are terrible people in this world but we don’t have to be like them. I wanted to start teaching you how to respect people no matter their race, age, wealth, or education.

I thought about you growing up and how you’ll meet some unsavory people in your life. I wondered if you will be strong enough and know yourself enough to not give into stupid shit that pressures kids and teens these days. I was afraid you’ll fall into the wrong crowd or have an unfair experience that will shape you into having a stubborn outlook on life. Being a mom, even a budding-mom like me makes you see the world differently since you’re bringing a little human in the world. Since Charleston, I wanted to keep you and keep you mine for as long as I can.

Friday June 26 came along and America was singing a different tune. The Supreme Court ruled that everyone has the right to marry who they want regardless of sexual orientation. There was so much love and happiness. Couples were getting married and their unions were celebrated with friends, family, and complete strangers. Everyone was celebrating, little baby. Everyone. It was electric. It was magical. It was a big fucking party. I had the comfort of knowing that whomever you end up loving, I know that no one will deny you your right to marry him/her.

I became proud to be an American. My heart was filled with so much happiness when I saw people getting married and crowds celebrating everyone’s love. It made me feel better knowing that our nation is slowly changing and you’ll be able to live in a better world for it. Maybe, little baby, you’ll be able to change it too! The news made me hopeful for your future and your happiness and your safety. You can be whoever you want to be and you won’t be alone.

I know America is not perfect and it won’t be perfect when you’re a walking and talking human. I know that there is still prejudice and bigotry and fear that makes people do stupid things, but I have a renewed sense of hope that you won’t fall into the shit stains of America. I have hope that you’ll be a little badass kid standing up for the little guy, and one day you’ll be a badass young man not afraid to stand up for your beliefs and start a dialogue.

Maybe it’s all the mushy gushy rainbow-colored everything that’s making me really sentimental, but more than anything in this world (you’re not even born yet, jeez), I want you to be happy and safe. And today, I feel like we’re getting closer to where you can be.

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