Silence is golden

It started in 2011, in the streets of San Francisco. A commitment to writing, to solitude, to traveling. Being quite hyperactive and a compulsive giver, it’s been a challenge. It begun with extending business trips for a few days or spontaneous road trips in between two fully packed weeks. Lunch breaks spent on swings. Walking 45 minutes to get to work. Learning how to play ukulele, 10 minutes at a time over 2 years. I even tricked myself into believing that I was doing a yoga teacher training one weekend a month, the perfect excuse to slow down and come back to myself, ever so slowly.

Getting out of the country was a good excuse not to use data or text. Forcing myself to wait anxiously 24 hours before responding to an email was excruciating. Then extending to 48 hours. Painful. I have cursed technology, I have resented it, only because I wasn’t able to win this fight. It’s a training, a work in progress and we’re all learning together.

I have been taught to believe that silence was the enemy. That community and family came first and that spending time alone was selfish. For the past 6 years, I have been attempting to flip this scheme of thoughts upside down and rethink self-care. From selfishness to self-kindness, from giving until exhaustion to putting myself first and letting it shine through.

I have gradually given away a long term relationship, a condo, a successful diplomatic career, countless boxes of clothes…All great things. Just not what I needed at the time. I have tried to get EVERYTHING right for decades. I seemed on top on things, living a glamorous life. But no matter how hard I tried, how much I bought, how great the wine was, I had this insatiable feeling of longing. There was something missing.

Myself.

I’ve spent countless hours exploring solitude, creativity and the joys and pains of being alone. In the coming weeks, I will humbly attempt to share my findings with you and offer tricks and tools along the way.

Thank you for sharing my journey.

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