The Narcissism of Small Differences: Initial Thoughts
By Dr. Bjorn Mercer
Program Director, Communication, Philosophy, Religion, World Languages and the Arts, American Public University
Like most of us, I worry about the future. I worry about the state of civility in civil discourse, how social media makes everything more complicated and how cable news airs contradictory commentaries.
I worry too whether our political leaders can truly work together to create a positive and hopeful, shared future. However, if you pay attention to mass media or talk to an opinionated friend or relative, you would think that our country is heading straight into the abyss.
Divisiveness, strong opinions, egos and the inability to listen seems to be the norm on the national stage. And if you watch experts argue publicly, they often focus on the smallest of differences that separate them from their supposed adversary.
The Narcissism of Small Differences and Infighting between Similar Groups
The other day I was watching an excellent video called “What Did Gnostic Christians Believe?” on the ReligionForBreakfast channel on YouTube. On this channel, Dr. Andrew Henry talks about the Gnostic Christians, what they believed, what they did not believe and their place in early Christendom. Near the end of this video, Dr. Henry talks about “the narcissism of small differences” as it relates to infighting between similar or like-minded groups.
On the video, Dr. Henry states: “Heresy was viewed as dangerous or invited exile precisely because it involved outsiders trying to become insiders or insiders that other insiders were trying to push out. This infighting exemplifies a phenomenon called the ‘narcissism of small differences,’ an unnecessarily complicated term that means when closely related communities — whether religious, ethnic, or political — engage in near-constant warfare it’s because their small differences are more threatening than some distant foe.”
In his narrative about a Christian sect more than 18 centuries ago, Dr. Henry does an excellent job of describing how today we might see the differences at the time between the Gnostics and Christianity as small and somewhat unrecognizable. What were those differences? As explained by Dr. Harold Attridge from the Yale Divinity School, “Gnostics are charged by their critics with making a fundamental mistake about the relationship between God as creator and God as redeemer.”
He further states that some Gnostics “suggest that the divine power that created this world is an inferior being, inferior to the true spiritual God who desires the salvation of all human beings, or at least all of those human beings who are capable of knowledge.” So why did people go through so much trouble, heartache, and sometimes violence to label the Gnostics as heretical?
Before we go forward, let’s define the term narcissism: “A consuming self-absorption or self-love; a type of egotism. Narcissists constantly assess their appearance, desires, feelings, and abilities.”
The narcissism of small differences focuses on the self. It is driven by ego, self-appearance, one’s own goals and the feelings of the in-group. It is about what the group looks like, acts like, stands for, and its place in the world in relation to power, political influence, and cultural standing compared to other groups. Self-absorption creates differentiation from other groups by focusing on small differences which become “big” when there is disagreement or conflict.
Where Did ‘The Narcissism of Small Differences’ Come From?
Now that we have a broad understanding of what the phrase “the narcissism of small differences” means, where did it come from? The phrase appeared in Sigmund Freud’s 1930 book, “Civilization and Its Discontents,” an important addition to political psychology and one of Freud’s more famous works.
As stated in the 2010 Norton & Company edition, Civilization and Its Discontents “may be [Freud’s] most famous and most brilliant work. It has been praised, dissected, lambasted, interpreted, and reinterpreted.” In addition, the short overview poses a few questions: What influences led to the creation of civilization? Why and how did it come to be? What determines civilization’s trajectory?
Freud reviews many concepts and ideas including religion, attempting to find happiness in a complex and cruel world, and a prolonged discussion of sex, aggression, and violence. On page 33 of the book, we get to Freud’s narcissism of small differences: “I once discussed the phenomenon that it is precisely communities with adjoining territories, and related to each other in other ways as well, who are engaged in constant feuds and in ridiculing each other — like the Spaniards and Portuguese, for instance, the North Germans and South Germans, the English and Scotch, and so on. I gave this phenomenon the name of ‘the narcissism of minor differences’, a name which does not do much to explain it.”
This concept of like-minded groups fighting because of sometimes unrecognizable differences from the outside is a brilliant and keen observation. It fits with the topical thread that Freud was discussing — aggression within cultures in the pursuit of happiness.
However, the concept of the narcissism of small differences has taken on a meaning of its own since Freud penned it in 1930. And it has been applied to many different subjects and situations such as Dr. Henry’s observation of Gnosticism.
To better understand how the narcissism of small differences has been viewed by different writers over the years, we turn to how a few of them have interpreted the phrase.
In an interview in the California Literary Review, Freud biographer Peter D. Kramer explains that “Freud coined the phrase to encapsulate an observation made by anthropologists, that often our hatred, fear, and contempt are directed at people who resemble us, while our pride is attached to the small markers that distinguish us from them.”
In an article in The Atlantic, Why Families Fight During Holidays, author Olga Khazan discusses how the phrase can explain conflict within families. “But why is it that the same minor jabs and annoying tics that are harmless coming from friends prompt epic screaming matches when uttered by relatives? Is there something about our kin — or something about the holidays — that’s especially irritating?”
This can explain why small conflicts that we have experienced our whole life can turn into “civil wars” because of close, familiar relationships and, most importantly, uncommunicated or ignored behavioral expectations.
In an interesting and entertaining online article, The Art of Manliness, Brett and Kate McKay discuss the narcissism of small differences: “Ever since the end of tribal living and the rise of civilization,” they write, “we have been casting about for pieces with which to assemble our sense of identity…globalism has ensured that millions around the world are watching the same shows, eating at the same restaurants, and shopping at the same stores. Unique traditions, dialects, and pastimes have evaporated.”
Because contemporary life is often easy physically for most people, at least compared to humans of the past, we often focus on what we consume to differentiate us. Because so much of what we buy is standardized and can be purchased throughout the world, what makes us different today is negligible compared to previous generations.
In 2010, just before his death, the indomitable Christopher Hitchens wrote an article in Slate about the narcissism of small differences and ethnic conflicts throughout the world. He begins with a bleak comment on ethnic conflict: “In numerous cases of apparently ethno-nationalist conflict, the deepest hatreds are manifested between people who — to most outward appearances — exhibit very few significant distinctions. It is one of the great contradictions of civilization and one of the great sources of its discontents.”
Hitchens, in his usual gusto and seriousness, comments on ethnic and religious hatreds and how these two factors have created many horrific conflicts.
Concluding his article, Hitchens offers the following advice that is both poignant and distressful: “We manage to find excuses for chauvinism and racism on the most minor of occasions and then to make the most of them. This is why condemnation of bigotry and superstition is not just a moral question but a matter of survival.”
Although the narcissism of small differences originated in Freud’s “Civilization and Its Discontents,” its meaning and application now has a life of its own. Different writers throughout the years have taken this simple and somewhat muddled phrase and used it to explain conflicts that for the most part are self-made, difficult to understand, extremely divisive, and sometimes violent.
About the Author
Dr. Bjorn Mercer is a Program Director at American Public University. He holds a bachelor’s degree in music from Missouri State University, a master’s and doctorate in music from the University of Arizona, and an MBA from the University of Phoenix. He writes about culture, leadership, and why the humanities and liberal arts are critical to career success. Dr. Mercer also writes children’s music.
