Subway Yoga

By Dan Friend


Try These poses on your next subway ride to add a sense of calm and ease to your commute.

Standing Corpse Pose: Relax your body. Surrender to the car. You are just a bee in the hive. Completely insignificant. Let go of the pole as you press the full weight of your body on those around you. Let “the people” support you. Feel the communal hug of the car. Let the burdens of your day flow through you as you drape your sweaty armpit on the women below you. Let her smell your journey.

Staring Owl: Bring your right hand to your noise and begin circular nostril breathing. Then when you feel like you are in a good place, place your left hand on shoulder of the man standing next to you. Wait until he gets uncomfortable. When he shoots you a look- gaze deeply into his eyes until he understands a greater fundamental truth.

Pole Hand Bind: Wiggle your hand over the three people in front of you. Lift yourself up onto your toes until three of your fingers tough the pole. Desperately grab the pole as you attempt to remain upright for the remainder of the trip. Remember to BREATH.

Striking Eagle: Bend your right knee and extend fully into the crotch of the dude man-spreading on the seat next to you. As you engage in this position be mindful of the sounds the man-spreader is making. Hold until man-spreader is able to produce.

Angry Warrior: Pivot on your left foot as your extend your right foot over the nasty liquid spilling in from the car ahead of you. Try to not think about what it is. Lift your left hand over your head and grab the bar. Extended your right hand into the face of the important looking C-Level executive who believes that riding the subway is beneath him. Remember to chant your mantra “ Where’s Uber now, bitch!”

Screaming Child’s Pose: Sit down next to a child throwing a tantrum.Take your earbuds and place them firmly into your ears. Then as you inhale continue to push the earbuds into the ear canal until all you can hear are the soft lullabies of Ed Sheeren. Ah, serenity!