Why we should all hate Eternal Optimists

Author’s Note: This piece of writing was written within a collection of muses that had the objective of not being too serious, a little funny and only a little deep; so reader discretion is advised.

We all just hate eternal optimists, don’t we? I mean who finds a reason to just be optimistic about everything? And truthfully, we can’t even say this out loud because we don’t want to seem like bitter, bitter pessimists. I mean, we’re actually realist-optimists (realism sprinkled with a little bit of, sort of informed, optimism) but no one is going to believe that when we tell them that we detest eternal optimists. People, who are sincerely too naïve to understand empathy. I’ll explain.

Because you don’t care to be judged you’ve never even thought deeply enough about why you hate eternal optimists till I mentioned them here. But this is why you hate them: sometimes really bad things happen to good people and at that moment optimism isn’t really the best response. Someone just had an accident and lost his legs and hands; don’t tell him at least he’s still alive, you heartless bastard; you’re only making things worse; he’d rather be dead.

And that someone is that naïve and then stupid enough to not realise that is just horrible; and you deserve to hate them.

Nevertheless though, this post is for the eternal optimists. People think that there are situations when optimism can’t make things better but they’re lying right? Optimism can always be applied and will make things better if people only had the right mentality.

Usually people we can be optimistic to, are alive. Their whole family just died but they’re alive! But sometimes everyone dies and it’s hard to be optimistic then. So maybe I can’t say, “at least you’re alive” because you died. But “At least you didn’t go to hell” right? That’s a big deal. You’re dead now but that’s a big deal. There! I did it! Found optimism where we thought it couldn’t be found. Optimism for days! And maybe you did go to hell. But — and this is going to be good, wait for it — at least you just got there. Some witch has been burning there since 1473. Yes you’re gnashing your teeth now but it could have been 600 years earlier.