Well I’ve done it. I’ve carved away an entire precious hour of kid-free time, just to write. This took an entire revamping of my day, of course…and blankets over all my windows to convince my toddlers that it is indeed bedtime (at 2:45 PM). But it is oh-so worth it. In one hour, I could have scrubbed my bathroom, folded 2 loads of laundry, washed the dishes, and drank at least 3 cups of coffee, but where’s the fun in that? Notice I didn’t even bother mentioning a shower, since that is obviously a privilege not a right anymore. Come to think of it, I think the last shower I took alone was in 2012. Don’t get me wrong- there is nothing I love more than tepid, kid friendly water temperatures and getting squirted in the eye with my son’s cookie monster water soaker, all whilst the soothing harmonies of The Wheels on the Bus blast over my Bluetooth speaker. It’s paradise, really. But any pre-kid ideals I had of the children snuggled up, reading on a faux fur rug next to a crackling fire have long since been dashed by the realities of every day life. It’s messy. It’s wild. It’s crazy fun, and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing most days. I’ve felt crushed with the weight of my responsibility to do what’s best for these kids. I’ve cried at the moments I’ve felt like I lost the woman my husband fell in love with. I’ve been overwhelmed with worry about how to raise them in a world so full of hate and violence. But then my husband tells me that he loves who I am today so much more than the girl he proposed to 5 years ago. And I overhear my son proudly point me out to his friends and say “That’s my mommy! She makes me the best food ever!” Then I watch my daughter stomp her chubby feet with delight when she sees me in the morning, and I know we must be doing something right. I’m sure I have plenty of good years ahead to ruin them, but they’ve survived me so far. This winging-it thing isn’t too bad!